


Not Your Kind Of People

by UltraVioletSoul



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Mentions of Rape, OOC, Past Abuse, People say they cried with this fic, Reader Insert, Torture, Violence, implied rape, so read at your own risk, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:06:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 74,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3975760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltraVioletSoul/pseuds/UltraVioletSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After failed attempts to rebuild your lives, you and Raiden return to the battlefield— the only place you both seem to belong to. With a common purpose, you work towards your goals whilst trying to shed your dark pasts and find a reason to keep living. </p>
<p>Pre MGS4/MGS4 fic. </p>
<p>[[ Raiden x F!Reader ]]</p>
<p>UNDER REVISION.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> **Edit 03/25/17:** Revising this story because the original version was a mess. Bear with me, please.
> 
> So, when I first started writing this story it was meant to be a one-shot (or snippets, I don't know anymore) but then it got out of control and ended up becoming a multi-chaptered story.
> 
> I've wanted to write a Raiden fic for _years_ , no joke. I remember being so excited when MGS Rising (yeah, that long, before it was MGR) was announced that I wanted to write something for him. Unfortunately, along the way I got into other fandoms and I forgot. I'm trash, I know, but my interest was rekindled not long ago when I found and played MGR by chance. I'm so happy I did because that game is seriously amazing ;u;
> 
> This fic is supposed to take place before MGS4 and during MGS4, but that's going to be later on. I apologize for the inaccuracies in the story. I'm still in the process of watching the MGS4 cutscenes and I'm kind of trying to catch up with the whole story of Metal Gear, which is really extensive by the way!
> 
> And yes, title is inspired in the song trailer from MGSV TPP.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Disclaimer:**
> 
> I do not own Metal Gear Solid or its characters. They all belong to Konami. "Not your kind of people" belongs to Garbage. No copyright infringement intended. All I’m trying to do is provide entertainment to the readers and by no means do I have lucrative purposes.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:**
> 
> Unbetaed work. Mentions of rape, and violence. OoC. English is not my first language. 

**Prologue**

It was during your time in the Paradise Lost Army that you met Raiden for the first time, when Big Mama helped him rescue the daughter of Olga Gurlukovich from the Patriots. You'd been one of the assets assigned to him to infiltrate Area 51, where Olga's child had been held captive since she was a newborn. It wasn't easy but the mission was successful, in the end, and the little girl was free of the chains that had bound her to an existence of subjection. The last thing you knew about her was that she'd been taken to the States, and now probably lived a normal life like any other kid.

If truth be told there hadn't been much history between you and him, mainly because you'd met him only on that occasion and, then, he disappeared from the map for a long time. You didn't know his story and neither did you have the time to actually care about it, as harsh as that sounded. Back in those days, your life had been devoted to the PLA and your savior, Big Mama, who had requested that you assisted Raiden in his mission. At that moment, you had limited yourself to do what she asked without question.

The second time you saw him, you'd been tasked with your team to rescue him from hell and that was what you did. During his search for the remains of Big Boss, per Big Mama's request as arrangement for her help with Olga's child, he was captured by the enemy and taken to Area 51 where, undoubtedly, horrible things were done to him. And when you finally found him, he was no longer the man you once knew but a mere shadow of his former self in the form of maimed pride.

It pained and appalled you to see what the Patriots had done to him, as you carried him to safety and tried to comfort his barely conscious form in your arms. Indeed, what he'd gone through was hell and you lamented the fact that you'd taken so long to get to him. Why did you start caring so much, at that point? Perhaps it was because, for the first time, you'd taken the time to know who he was. Maybe, it was because you found out that you and him shared something in common; he'd been stripped of the right to his own body, and robbed of his dreams at a very young age, like you. It was only natural that you would come to care for him over time, and remain by his side to see him through everything.

When you took him to Dr. Madnar, and stayed to keep an eye on his progress, those who had been tasked with Raiden's recovery thought that he wouldn't make it. How wrong they had been. No doubt he was strong– stronger than they gave him credit for. Stronger than he believed he was, sometimes. But on occasions, he was like a scared child that needed care, attention, and you had obliged if only out of a sense of compassion. Did you see something of yourself in this man? Maybe all that you really wanted was to do for him what you wished someone would have done for you, when you were torn apart by the brutality of war.

Of course he was difficult, in the beginning, but that was to be expected in the state he was found. At this point Raiden was unable to control his emotional outbursts, could barely express language, and seemed less than interested in the world around him. Other than those moments of deep distress in which he became hysterical with fear, he was like an empty shell; silent and immobile in a surgical table, surrounded by life-monitoring machines. It was scary to see the look of a man who had lost reasons to live– that probably had no reason to keep breathing other than the fact he could inhale air and exhale it.

You knew that deep down he was disgusted and devastated, angry and full of hatred. He had something dear taken away from him, and you understood how he felt. When he looked at his new body– an inhuman frame– you could see yourself all those years ago, and remember the repugnance at how dirty and used you felt, how different you were from that innocent girl that couldn't be any longer. And much like you, his anger soon turned into resignation– a dangerous passivity that preceded the end.

So you got close to him, even when he would blatantly ignore you and pretend you didn't exist. Probably, it started more like a one-sided friendship, him not even interested in what you had to say. It was embarrassing, at times, and more than once you thought about giving up on him but, then, you recalled you'd been the same way once. You didn't know for sure when he actually started listening to your ramblings, either way. Could it have been when you mentioned that you had fought in the Bosnian war many years ago? The only thing you were certain was that he looked you in the eye, and acknowledged you as more than a simple decoration in his room. It was actually encouraging and gave you hope that he could be saved, after all.

 _Your name_ , that was the first thing he said in a long time. You were so shocked, as he struggled to get the word out, that you nearly fell off your chair, since you'd been swaying on its back legs. Well, you actually did fall on your back and he seemed to find the whole incident amusing, for he gave you a lazy curl of his lips. You realized then that it was the first time you saw him smile, and you thought he looked beautiful when life returned to him for the briefest of moments.

Even so, the sadness always returns to his gaze and it remains there for a long time. You can't accompany him for too long, either, as you have duties to attend to, but you try to visit whenever it's possible. It's not your intention to become an annoyance to him, though, so you respect his privacy and give him space to breathe. Still, he's always on your mind, whether you want it or not, and he's slowly begun to occupy your thoughts.

"Thought you'd want to read this. I know it can get pretty boring and lonely around here, although I've heard that you started PT these days." You slip the book in his hands and marvel at the progress he's made, as his fingers grip the item and turn it from side to side. He examines it with cautious interest, and his blue eyes widen ever so slightly as they focus on the title. _The Lone Samurai_. Maybe some explanation is in order now. "Oh, a little bird told me you're quite fascinated with Japanese warriors and martial arts, so I figured you'd be interested. I gave it a read, because it got me curious. Hope you don't mind."

You wink playfully, not wanting to tell him that you've gone through his file again before making a quick trip to see Madnar. Big Mama sent her regards and the doctor's due payment to cover any expenses, as he's done a fine job at keeping Raiden– who's recovering step by step with each passing day– alive. As for her reasons to help the young man, he still has to pay his end of the bargain to recover Big Boss's remains and she needs him alive for that.

He rasps a response that you can't quite understand, staring at the cover of the book. Then, with a shake of his head, he asks you something unexpected that leaves you at a loss for words.

"Why?" There's a characteristic hoarseness to his voice, with his voice box having been replaced by an artificial one, and it seems he's not even moving his lips. Dropping your pack to the floor before discarding your tan jacket, you arch an eyebrow and tilt your head to the side in puzzlement.

"Why... _what_?" You feel confused as you watch him cringe, like he doesn't know what words should he use to sound less rude– if he's even trying. It's an honest question, however, for you really don't have the foggiest idea of what he's talking about.

"Why go out of your way for me?" His eyes stray to the window and the rain falling outside. It hasn't stopped for days now, and you doubt it will any time soon.

"Would you prefer if I didn't?" Feigning offense, you place your hands on your hips and give him your best reproaching look. "And here I thought we were making progress, sir. I'm deeply hurt by your words."

" _Don't_ make fun of me." He sounds impatient and you sigh, dragging a chair to take a seat next to his bed. Raiden grits his teeth, and his brows furrow at your lack of response. The truth is, you hoped he'd forget or drop the subject but it's clear he's not willing to let you get away with it. He looks down, to the book still in his grasp, and the faintest shadow of doubt appears– a ghost always lurking. "Just... answer my question."

You lie back and cross your hands behind your head, swinging on the back legs of the chair with a sad smile. "You remind me of someone I once knew, that's all." An awkward silence follows, and you know you have lost the chance to make some conversation with him today. If anything, it would be better if you left. It's probably the best option now. Scratching your nape, you stand up and brush imaginary dust from your pants. "Well, I'd better get going now. Just wanted to make sure you were cozy and... well, I'll be on my way. See you later." You're about to pick up your stuff and walk to the door, but something holds you back. A bit startled, you turn around to see that his hand is holding your wrist, preventing your escape, and your gaze softens when you meet his eyes full of remorse. "Do you need anything else?"

"Stay," he whispers, the contact fading as he lets go of you, seemingly embarrassed at his behavior. "It's been a while..."

"Alright, I'll stay here." Somehow, it warms up your heart and you can't hold back a chuckle as you ruffle his blonde hair, which is much shorter than how he used to sport it before. It's a shame that he's lost such beautiful long hair but it has grown a lot in these past months, and the flaxen fuzz has become a thick covering of short pale tresses. It has lost its shine and softness, though, and looks a bit too disheveled for your taste. "By the way, I could trim that hair of yours and give it a cream bath. How does that sound?"

He seems surprised, at first, but soon the idea appeals to him and he slowly nods with a small smile. "I'd like that."

* * *

Another night you can't sleep. The nightmares never leave and the insomnia is taking its toll on your body after seeing many sunrises. Living on a diet of caffeine and pills surely could be the problem, but it's something you can hardly do without. Your job isn't precisely something that allows you to have a moment's peace, in the literal sense. Besides, sleep has never come easily and you are used to it at this point. The truth is, you should be used to the horrific things you see when you close your eyes but, even after so many years, you're still terrified.

It's hard to tell how long you've been awake, staring at the roof as the screams of horror fade. You're unable to move, eyes nervously darting back and fro, as you desperately try to get your bearings in the darkness. For a moment, you believe you're back in hell– that place of torture where you were held captive for eternity– but there are no sobs or wails, and the bedding feels soft under your body unlike the cold hard floor. There's not even the smell of blood or decay, just the eerie sound of silence and the company of solitude. But the tears keep falling, and slowly you wipe them away while sitting in bed. As if that isn't enough, your head hurts like hell and your throat is dry as a bone.

A quick glance to the digital watch lets you know it's late in the night, but you think that some fresh air will do you good. After drinking a few glasses of water from the tap, and taking a tablet for the headache, you grab your jacket and leave the room. Slowly, you make your way down the hall and to the world of crickets and distant howls of wolves. Soldiers are guarding their posts, not strange given the fact you're in a military base somewhere in the Carpathian Mountains, and they nod a greeting whenever you come across them. This is your family, as you like to call it, and your home is with them– with the Paradise Lost Army.

The PLA shared some traits with private military companies, though maybe that isn't the right term to describe its nature and purpose. Big Mama, aka Matka Pluku, allows you to take some contracts here and there to keep the funds of the organization flowing, and to make sure her 'children' can provide for their families. Some may argue that it's not the best option to be offering so freely, but it's a chance that she's given to people like you, whose only remarkable skill is that of shedding blood. At any rate, it's a good method to get intel and also provides a decent cover to the PLA's true activities. Although the focus is mainly put on logistics, strategic-tactical advising, and the supervision of the training and education of military assets, the PLA does get involved in messy situations every now and then.

Despite the irony in those actions, the ultimate end seems to justify the means. Irony is something you know very well– an incidence that you've grown accustomed to over the years, like many other things. Coming to terms with the experiences you've lived is not as easy as you would have wished, but you manage. You always did.

The wind blows chilly against your face. The summer has been short-lived and winter is close. Hugging the jacket a bit closer to your body, you start to crave for a hot drink and settle on a trip to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee. It sounds like an awful idea, though. Maybe you should just have some quick soup and return to bed.

"What are you doing up so late?" A voice calls as soon as you turn a corner and you nearly jump out of your skin, reaching for a gun that is not strapped to your thigh. Catching your breath, you stare at your unexpected companion, who's returning your gaze with what you believe to be amusement. He's wearing a black trench coat, you notice, which highlights his ashen blonde hair, and its neck covers the lower part of his face.

Laughing under your breath, you shrug and cross the distance between you and him. "You're one to talk. What about you?"

"What about _me_? I felt like getting some fresh air." Raiden crosses his arms and you arch an eyebrow. "So what brings you here?"

"Just wanted to take a walk, I guess. Woke up with a damn headache, and I was looking for some distraction. By the way, are you making a habit of scaring innocent passersby in the dead of the night?"

"You're hardly an innocent passerby, (Name)." He chuckles, and you place a hand on your hip while playfully giving him one of those reproaching looks you always give him.

"That's rude, you know." You tap your feet on the ground and click your tongue, before a smirk appears on your lips. "You seriously need to work on those charming skills."

"It's not like I need them anymore."

His mirth is gone from one second to another, and you feel the drop in his voice as he averts his gaze from you. It's not easy, sometimes, getting along with him and the mood swings still are the norm. You can't blame him for that, though. Of course he would feel that way after all he's been through. Perhaps you should watch your mouth around him more often and stop trying to be funny, because you certainly are proving to be a failure. Still, you know better than to make any comments apologizing. He's not so keen on people showing pity for him, and it wouldn't really help matters.

With sigh, you scratch your nape and clear your throat. You attempt to lighten up the mood, although you feel really awkward at the moment. "Care to join me, then? I could use some company."

Glancing at you sideways, his blue eyes narrow. For a moment, you think his taciturnity means rejection and are about to be on your way, but then he pushes away from the wall and takes a step towards you. It's difficult to tell what expression he has beneath the leather that covers the lower half of his face, but you can only surmise that he's up for it when he gives you an expectant look and nods for you to follow. You do, and soon both of you are quietly strolling in the compound without a particular destination– not that you actually mind, in the first place.

Looking at Raiden walking by your side, you see the frown on his face as he gazes ahead. Most of the time he would wear an expression of gloomy uneasiness, be wistful and sullen. You understand his need to be alone and give him space, because you feel the same way in some occasions. Especially in his case, the wounds have reopened and the memory of the horrible things that were done to him is still fresh. What's worse, he has to relive it all again when he looks at himself in the mirror.

After recovering and growing accustomed to his cyborg body– as much as he loathed it– he decided to stay with the PLA for some time, with the approval of Matka Pluku. When asked if he had any relatives he wished to contact, he replied he had no place to go and no family to return to. He was alone, like you. The battlefield was his life, like yours, and there was no escape from it.

Ever since his joining you'd been on some missions with him, with you mainly providing support. As a sniper, it was your job handling observation, surveillance, target acquisition and, when needed, aiding him in infiltration and reconnaissance. He showed remarkable skills and was very dependable in the field, a different person altogether when his mind was set on the mission, as though that had always been his place. It was something you couldn't quite describe, but you thought you could understand in a way.

"So you can't sleep, either?" He brings you out of your musings and you give him a startled look, before shaking your head. "Nightmares again?"

You grimace, staring at the ground as you cross your arms. "After so many years you'd think you get used to it. I should be, by now, but every time I close my eyes I'm terrified. Do you feel that way often?"

"Every night," he mutters quietly, though you perceive a trace of distress in his voice. "I'm scared I'll never forget, that I'll never leave it behind. And now, I am... this _thing_." He sounds disgusted, full of bitterness as he hides himself from you. "I've become a beast. Whatever hope I had to start a new life is now gone. Whenever people look at me I feel like a monster, an abomination."

You can't stand it, to see him in this state, desolate and hopeless. "Jack, don't say that. You're _not_ a monster."

"Can't you see what they did to me?" He's growing impatient, stopping in his tracks before he gives you an irate look. Then, he lowers the neck of his trench coat and shows you his synthetic jaw. His upper lip forms a snarl as he towers over you, breathing heavily. "I don't expect you to understand but the least you can do for me is not lying right to my face. Do you think that telling me nothing's changed makes me feel better? I'm sorry but it doesn't cut it!" His voice is laced with bitterness and his words pierce right through your heart. "Don't tell me that everything's going to be okay, because things aren't going to get better." Huffing, he takes a step back and starts to walk away, leaving you behind. "I'm tired of people feeling pity for me."

You can't hold back, can't keep the anger to yourself either, and you clench your fists, raising your voice while knowing all too well what his reaction will be. "Then stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

That does it. He makes a sharp turn and charge towards you, his speed faster than you anticipated. Next thing you know, he's in front of you, his nose almost touching yours, and his blue eyes are burning with rage. "What would you know about me? You have no idea what I've gone through! You didn't suffer in their hands! You weren't used by them your entire life! You know _nothing_ , so don't pretend you care!"

As soon as he says those words he stumbles back, clutching the side of his face when you withdraw your balled fist. "You're an idiot if you think I don't care." Your voice is unsteady, and you try to ignore the pain in your knuckles. He stares at you wide-eyed, clearly not expecting this outcome. "Even after all this time, you still don't know me. Is this the man I call my friend?" Striding to him, you grab him by the front of his trench coat and bring him towards you, shaking him. "Do you want me to tell you what is a monster?"

"Stop," he says but you don't listen because you're so going to give him a piece of your mind. You cling onto the leather of his clothes and, even though the tears want to fall down again, you force yourself to continue.

"A monster is someone that tortures your family and makes you watch, then kills them and leaves their corpses to rot and be eaten by ravens. A monster is someone that keeps you caged like an animal, and rapes you day and night, and hurts you so much you can never have children. A monster is a scumbag that hurts innocent people just for the pleasure of it. A monster is someone that puts a weapon in the hands of children and forces them to fight and die for a war. Are you really one of them?" There's a knot in your throat whilst you ease your hold on him, feeling defeated. "They looked like humans but they were demons in disguise." His hands are on your shoulders, suddenly, but he does nothing to harm you, and you want to say you're sorry— that you didn't mean to hurt him. Looking up at him, you see sorrow and guilt etched on his face, and step away from him slowly. "Jack, don't make the same mistake I did. It didn't get me anywhere. It only poisoned my life and filled me with regret."

"I'm tired of living in the past, but I can't escape from it," he finally says, with remorse.

"It's not easy to let go. If I knew how, I'd show you the way. There are many things I can't forget, either; demons I have to deal with when I lie in bed at night. I see them, their faces haunt me, and I feel the pain of the horrible things they did to me. I know you do, too. They hurt you every night and I know it's terrifying. I'm not going to lie to you; perhaps we'll never wipe those memories that are burned in our souls. Perhaps we can't change what we are, but at least this time we choose what battles we fight. This time you can choose what to fight for."

"So this is what it'll be? The battlefield will always be after me?" He's uncertain, confused, as though your words have thrown him off, and turns away from you. It's almost like he's hurt, disappointed in what you've said. "Is this the life I'm meant to live? Is this all that's left for me?"

"You can spend your life lamenting what they did to you, or you can do something about it."

"And what will I do? Search for the Blue Fairy so she can turn me into a human again?" He stares at his clawed hand with wistfulness, clenching it into a fist. "There's no hope for me."

"Don't let innocent people get caught in the same trap. Don't let another little Jack suffer the same fate. I had no one to protect me, and neither did you. How many people are in the same situation at this very moment, while we speak?"

Raiden slowly turns to you, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought, but his eyes don't meet yours and he doesn't say a word. He remains like that for some time, and just as you intend to break the silence you hear footsteps approach. Someone must have heard your argument and has come to check what happened. You're not mistaken when you see a young soldier show up, rather awkwardly, stumbling on his steps when he comes across you.

"Is everything okay in there, ma'am?" He asks, eyeing Raiden nervously as the latter ignores him. Putting on a cheeky smile, you pat the boy on the shoulder and brush the matter aside, explaining there's nothing to worry about. He's a bit doubtful but turns around and leaves, whilst you take the chance to brush a hand over your hair and heave a sigh of weariness.

"Sorry I hit you." You step closer to Raiden, trying to touch his face. Surprisingly, he doesn't pull away neither tries to hide from you this time. He simply lets you inspect him, and your fingers hold his jaw gently. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I'm alright. A punch can hardly hurt now. Though, maybe I needed one." As step away to give him space, his blue gaze fixes on you and he is smiling the tiniest bit– or as much as he can. "Thanks."

"Thanks for... punching you?" You are confused at his words, and regard him with a blank stare.

"For everything." He rolls up the neck of his trench coat and walks away, and just when you think he's not saying goodbye he tells you that he'll see you in the morning. It's then that you realize you have something nice to look forward to, after the nightmares you'll have to face once more.


	2. The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I have been sick and I didn't have access to the internet, but here's the second chapter which I hope you enjoy. Also, I have the next part almost finished and hopefully I'll get to post it soon. I'm trying to sort out notes and drafts of the fic, but I already have the ending planned. Still, I think there's a number of chapters to go before that. Anyways, thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated ♥
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** There's something I always forget to tell readers. This work is unbetaed, so I apologize for any mistakes you may come across. Also, mentions of abuse and violence. Coarse language, perhaps. English is not my first language so you'll certainly find some strange sentences as you read. Sorry for that, too.

**Chapter I:** _"The Past"_

"The stories about the Bosnian war, about what they did to women..."

As you stand before a cleaning cradle, you lift your gaze from the L96A1 you are tending, and meet Raiden's mortified expression. You're in the armory, and he's sitting across from you, uncertain of the feelings he's stirred in you. Still, he doesn't move– doesn't make any attempt to drop the subject– and there's expectation surrounding his question. For a moment you don't know how to reply and remain silent, assessing his words, before you return to the task at hand, greasing the bolt of the rifle. Your apparent disregard causes him to shift uncomfortably and you heave a sigh, grabbing a cloth to wipe your hands.

"Not only women. Children and men were also hurt." It pains you to remember and you can feel the stab at your heart, as you ball your fists until your knuckles turn white. You toss the cloth on the table and he holds your gaze, although there's a flicker of dread in it. "No one was exempt," you add, not really wanting to go into gruesome details. The thought alone makes you shudder as flashbacks play in your mind, and you desperately try to shake them off. "You'd be surprised to know that even those who were supposed to protect us hurt us, too. There was no place to hide, no pleas that would make them take pity on us."

A pained expression surfaces on his face, and the discomfort is all too clear when he draws in a sharp breath. "How old were you?"

"I was ten years old, then." Ten years old when you watched them torture and kill your father, and older brother. Ten years old when you saw the horrible things they did to your mother. Ten years old when you found yourself trapped in a prison from which there was no escape other than death. For twenty years you've been trying to forget, but the horrors won't go away. They would stay, until the end of your days.

"You were just a kid." His words echo in your head, and you're reminded of all the things you've lost. At a young age you've lived terrible experiences that most people were only familiar through accounts, that they only knew from a distant point of view. And while you think you could have been one of them, happily living in ignorance, you know there's no point in wasting your energy in futile grief.

"As you were."

"I had it easier than you."

His statement makes you frown and you have to suppress a grimace at the absurdity of it. "Easier? Jack, they were different situations. The fact that you didn't go through the same does not excuse what they did to you. It doesn't mean you didn't suffer."

"You don't know me," Raiden whispers. His face wears an expression of disgust as he shakes his head slowly. "What if I told you that I wasn't the innocent kid forced to kill you think I was? What if I told you I enjoyed it? That I had zero hesitation to take a life, and I liked it a lot when I ripped my enemies to pieces– the blood, the guts."

"Would you be surprised if I told you the same thing?" He gives you a look of disbelief and you narrow your eyes, leaning closer to him across the table. "When I had a firearm in my hands, do you think that I didn't like pulling the trigger? Do you think that I didn't savor that moment when my enemies fell? I could care less who I hurt. In my eyes, they all deserved to die. I didn't care who they were. I didn't give a shit if they had families, wives, children. They were all scum to me." You don't feel proud about it in the slightest but you admit to your sins. "Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have skeletons in the closet, but if there's one thing I'm certain is that you didn't choose any of this."

"I'm certain there's no escape." He sounds defeated and you realize you don't know what to say. That's a battle he has to fight on his own, because in the end it's all up to him.

As silence settles, you try to ease the awkwardness of the moment by focusing on cleaning your weapon. His words got you thinking and, while you find truth in them, you try to convince yourself that so long as you kept the demons at bay– as long as you held onto a purpose, ideals that gave your life meaning– you could ignore the ghosts of the past and try to look into the future. You could believe you had a future. Does he feel the same way? Is such a promise enough to fill the void in his life?

"What happened to her?" He's about to get up and leave but your question stops him. He eyes you with suspicion and confusion, whilst you take the cleaning rod and thread a patch in the tip. "The little girl we rescued years ago," you clarify, not taking your gaze off your work as you introduce the pole in the barrel. "I was wondering about her."

"She's fine," Raiden replies with a tone that doesn't denote enthusiasm, at least initially, and you arch an eyebrow at that. He's not oblivious to your reaction, and fumbles with his words, as if he feels ashamed of himself. "I left her under the care of a friend. I'm sure she's doing alright."

"Have you seen her at all these past years?" You tilt your head and regard him with puzzlement, but he takes his time to give you an answer.

"A couple of times, whenever I could," he admits with a sad look, but soon his lips are drawing a small smile that piques your interest. "Wanna know her name? It's Sunny."

"That's a lovely name. I hope she has a sunny future ahead of her." You can't help but smile, too, wishing the girl was safe and sound wherever she was. It's good to know that, at least, she has a chance at a new life. You wonder what she looks like now. Surely a lot different than what she looked back then, when you and Raiden rescued her from that horrible place. "What about Rosemary?"

You notice that he's not smiling anymore. Instead, a veil of distress and regret falls on his face and his breathing is wavering as his hands clench. "How did you know?"

"I read it on your file," you admit, confused at his reaction.

"Then you should know the story by now." He sounds irked, bothered, hurt more than anything, and his body is faintly shaking. "There's nothing to say about her."

"She's someone important to you, isn't that worth saying?" you quickly counter, taking note of the deep breath he takes and the silence that speaks louder than words he could have said. "What happened to her?"

His teeth grit so hard you fear for a moment he's gonna hurt himself, but then sadness is all that there's left and his shoulders slump in defeat. "It was never meant to be. We live in different worlds. It was never going to work out for us. It never did." He shakes his head, closing his eyes, and you know he's trying to blink the tears away. You walk up to him and grab him by the shoulders but, still, he refuses to look at you, longing for what could have been.

"Why did you say you have a family no more?" He still doesn't give you an answer and you shake him slightly, calling his name.

"I... made mistakes, did things that I now regret. Despite her best efforts, I ruined everything between us and hurt her so much without reason. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was too busy caring about me, feeling sorry for myself to even notice that she needed me. She was pregnant and I left her alone. When I realized the wrong I'd done, it was too late to rebuild what I had destroyed. She suffered a miscarriage, and then she didn't want to see me anymore." Despite his quiet laughing, he's filled with sorrow and his blue eyes reflect his hurt. "I can't blame her. I was the worst."

You know dealing with him is not the easiest thing in the world, and you're sorry for Rosemary. She must have tried her best if he feels so guilty about what he's done, but at some point even she must have given up because she couldn't stand the situation anymore. What makes you sadder is the thought that the child she'd been expecting was never born. Losing a baby, a life growing inside of you, had to be devastating. You can only imagine the pain of her loss and the disillusion she endured– the loneliness and fear she felt. Even though you want to reprimand him for his actions, tell him he should have been better than that, you desist because the desolation on his face shows he doesn't need more punishment than the one he's suffering. You can't bring yourself to be the judge of his past because it's not your place to do that. He already has a heavy load on his shoulders, one he'll carry for the rest of his life.

"And where is she now?"

"She married another man." His voice is about to crack and he gulps with difficulty. "It's probably for the best. She deserves someone better than me. I only made her life miserable. We had no future together, and that's all there is to say." The statement is final, and it's meant to bring a closure to the painful topic, which you concede— not wanting to bring back more hurtful memories.

"I'm sorry it ended that way." You purse your lips and give him a sympathetic look, stepping away. If you had known you wouldn't have asked, of course. You've always wondered why he'd never said a word about her, but you weren't expecting this hopeless conclusion.

"What about you? Ever had your heart broken?" You stare at him with a poker face for a few seconds, and then he begins to fluster. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."

You know what he's talking about and shrug, smiling wistfully. "No, it's okay. I think it's only fair you ask. And, to be honest, I... I'm not really cut out for that sort of thing. Relationships, marriage and children, they're not for me. I tried once, living a normal life, having a partner, a family, but it didn't work. I found out I can't have kids, and I became too much of a burden for him to deal with. I don't blame him, either. I wasn't exactly the most pleasant woman to be around," you reply calmly, assembling the rifle before you start putting away the cleaning materials. "Wonder what has become of his life, though. He's probably still in the Bosnian army. He was a good kisser and had a nice ass, too." You hear Raiden snort but, when you look at him, he pretends to be coughing. "What?"

"Nothing," he says innocently as you walk to one of the shelves and retrieve a long black case from it.

"Yea, right." Approaching him, you give him a suspicious look and he only brushes a hand against his hair. "At any rate, we have work to do." Your tone is nonchalant, and you can see the confusion in his gaze when you place the item on the table, in front of him. You then grab your rifle and attach the strap to it, before slinging it on your shoulder. "Come on, time to put those muscles in action. I don't want you to get lazy."

His fingers hurry to work the locks open and, when he sees the contents stored within, his eyes widen in surprise. "A high-frequency blade?" He holds the hilt, inspecting his new acquisition with interest.

"It took me a while to convince people here to get you a good one so I'd better be seeing you train with it, you hear me? I'll go put this away in my room, then we'll see what you've got." He gets up and swings the blade a few times, testing the agility and response of his arms. You're surprised to see how well he wields it, not expecting for him to be so skilled after the changes he had undergone. There's no doubt he's going to handle it just fine. "Hmm, you're not as rusted as I thought you'd be. I'll see you at the combat room in five minutes and then you'll have a session of VR training, understood?"

With a swish of his weapon, Raiden adopts more of a fighting stance, holding the sword with his right arm high and the tip forward, blade against his palm. It's then that you see something in him— a dark shadow in his eyes— but it's gone as soon as you perceive it when he turns to you, lowering his weapon.

"Roger that."

* * *

**_A week later..._ **

You drop to the floor on one knee, trying to catch your breath. Droplets of sweat run down your neck and back, but Raiden doesn't look the least bit exhausted. Instead, he wears a smug expression, and you have to frown at his goddamn resilience. Of course you knew what you were getting into, but you never imagined the edge he would have in hand-to-hand combat would be a force to be reckoned with. Despite wearing an exoskeleton, it's hard for you to keep up with him. Your body is starting to ache, and you can taste the faint tang of blood in your mouth. Still, rough play is something you're used to and can deal with.

"Had your fill?" he asks, offering a hand to help you get up, which you accept.

"I'm impressed. You've really gotten faster and stronger." You laugh, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. Once on your feet, you head straight for the towel and bottle of water, eager to quench your thirst. He certainly is a piece of work, you have to admit. "But I'm always up for a good workout. We should do this more often."

"Enjoy getting your ass kicked?" He's smirking, and you arch an eyebrow at his amused comment. He's really full of himself today, isn't he?

"Well, seeing that body in action is distracting, to be honest." You dry your face and neck, before having a quick drink of water. He visibly pales at your comment, and you realize that perhaps it wasn't the best thing to say, so you clear your throat and drop the bottle on your bag. "By the way, isn't it about time you get a dialysis?"

"It's scheduled in a few days," Raiden mumbles, a bit embarrassed, as you make some stretches. With his body unable to get rid of impurities, due to his lack of kidneys, the only way not to suffer autotoxemia is for him to undergo routine hemodialysis. Thankfully, you have the equipment and personnel available in base now. Otherwise, it would have been a huge hassle getting Raiden to Dr. Madnar every time he needs his white blood cleansed and renewed with glucose-based nutrients. It's a lot of work maintaining his body, so that's why it has to be planned ahead. "By the way, what's the style you use?"

"It's not a style, strictly speaking. I just use a lot of moves I learned."

"And where did you learn them?" He sounds genuinely curious, but you feel awkward all of a sudden, avoiding his eyes.

"It was... a long time ago. It doesn't really matter anymore." You hesitate to tell him, for the memory is not exactly pleasant. You didn't learn from the average teacher and it wasn't practiced for sports, either. It's not the moment to talk about it, at any rate. "How about a rematch?"

"Alright." He's dubious of your response but soon adopts a fighting stance, raising his fists in front of him. "You never learn, do you?"

You snort at that, walking to the center of the room where he's waiting for you. "I do, and that's why I'm beating you this time."

"Then, let's see what you got." No sooner does he say that than he starts circling you and you await his first move. You barely see it coming, when he's throwing a spinning kick that you dodge at the last second. But you're not so fast to avoid the next kick, and you have to shield from the impact with your forearm. As he recovers his balance, you try to punch him but he knows how to duck your blows and, just when you're planning your next move, his leg comes swinging again at you.

Two can play the same game, you muse as you thrust a kick in his direction, but he makes a side cartwheel and gets out of your way. You swiftly recognize the similarities with capoeira in his moves, and not only is he fast but damn agile too. In your attempt to aim for his jaw his leg catches you mid-way, trapping your arm as it hooks, and you need to duck his foot with your head before it's planted on your face. He then makes a one-hand backflip and you painfully land on your back, arm between his thighs with your hand secured in his grasp. You try to break free, but his hold is so hard it hurts as you fight back to pull away. It's clear what he wants you to do, but you refuse to give up so quickly.

With a kick to the side of his head, he finally lets go and you kip up, ready to counter his attack with a 540 kick. Still, you're unable to make contact with him and, when you least expect it, you find his hand on your chest before you are pushed back to the floor. You fall with a thud and a groan and while he's on top of you, still waiting for you to surrender, you grab him by the shoulders and headbutt him in the nose, hoping it would get him to release you. With a grunt, he stumbles back and rolls on the floor while you adopt your stance again, trying to ignore the ache in every muscle of your body.

"That hurt, dammit," he complains, clutching his nose. It's not broken, though, because you didn't hit him as hard as you would have done in other circumstances, if he had been an enemy.

"I thought you liked it rough," you taunt with a grin, cracking your neck. "It's not like you're going easy on me."

"Thought you wanted a challenge." He shakes his head, blinking a few times. Pain is written all over his face, and he has to take a few seconds to recover from the hit.

"I'm starting to enjoy this."

He chuckles, standing and looking at you as if telling you to make the first move this time. You do, but then he turns his back on you, and his elbow connects with your stomach. While you're too busy getting the air knocked out of your lungs, you fail to realize that again you're on your back as stars appears in your sight, you wrist in his grasp. No time to worry for the pain, you think as you roll on your stomach, place your free hand on the floor and push yourself up, arching your body backwards and aiming your foot to his face. It works, for it's not long before he retreats, clutching his aching cheek, and you take the opportunity to deliver a blow to his stomach. This time, he's the one to be knocked down. However, he's quick to regain momentum and is immediately on his feet.

"Those heels look quite useful," you tease, watching as he stands with legs slightly bent, his body at the ready.

He glances quickly at them, before smirking and raising his eyebrows. "Indeed. You should see what I can do with them and my sword."

Ah, so he's been practicing a lot, it seems. No wonder he's disappeared for whole evenings, leaving you to wonder where he was. "Perhaps you can show me after I beat the pants off of you– ah, right, you're not wearing any pants."

Again he pales and that seems to break his concentration, for he narrows his eyes and grits his teeth. "You're all bark and no bite."

He charges towards you, and you evade his blows as quick as you can. But he's slow to block your countering attack, this time, and you land a punch on his face before kneeling him in the stomach. When he doubles over, you sling your leg over his nape and bring him down with you. Securing one of his hands in yours, you try to keep him on the floor— his head under the back of your thigh. It's difficult because he's really strong, and you have to struggle to match his might. In the next second he breaks free, however, and soon is on top of you, his fist swiftly coming down on you, and you have to deflect with one of your forearms.

Wrapping your legs around his neck this time, you trap him and don't let him escape. You seize his head to hold him in place and press hard. He's starting to choke, but it takes a while before he's slapping your thigh in a signal to indicate he gives up. You let go of him and he coughs a bit, clutching his throat. Sitting down, he takes mouthfuls of air for a minute or two and you lie on the floor doing the same, unable to move. Everything aches, and you only want to have a good warm shower, eat some food and go to bed. The thought sounds tempting now.

"Damn, you were right." His auxiliary speech speaks for him and, when you look at him, you're surprised to see he's grinning. "You got me there for a sec."

Even though you're worn out and panting you start to laugh, happy for your achievement. "Told you I'd beat you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The bit about Raiden going pale at Reader-chan's teasing: since he's got white blood, it's logical that when he blushes he turns white instead of red. That's all. Hope you enjoyed c:_
> 
> **Chapter revised 03/25/17**
> 
>   


	3. Are You Busy Tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the new chapter, at long last! Took me quite a while to finish this one. I want to say beforehand that the next part contains a considerable amount of dialogue. I don’t usually write a lot of that in my fics, but I couldn’t help myself this time. Also, Raiden is probably a bit OoC, and there are lots of things I may have overlooked while editing this. Hope you don’t mind and, please, enjoy. Also thanks for the comments and kudos ♥ if you find it in you to leave me your thoughts, dear readers, please go ahead c: it’s always nice to know what you think. 
> 
> That’s all. Have a nice day~
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetaed work, so I apologize for any mistakes you may come across. Also, mentions of abuse and violence. English is not my first language.

**Chapter II:** _"Are You Busy Tonight?"_

"You've been sitting like that for _hours_ now." His voice disrupts your concentration, and you briefly glance at him out of the corner of your eye. "Don't you get tired of it?"

It's no wonder he's curious, for you've remained in the same position for quite some time— face practically glued to the scope of your rifle. Sitting on a decrepit chair in a wrecked room, your L96A1 lies on an equally decrepit table as you aim through a gap in the wall and look into a world of debris and ruin. It's a disturbing sight, to say the least. Even after the last time you were here many, years ago, things haven't changed that much and the Middle East is still immersed in endless conflict. If that wasn't enough, the political situation is fragile and the economy is near collapse. Although the country received help from developed nations to keep itself afloat, the government chooses to spend the money on taking down rebel militias, or "terrorists" as they call them.

The mission you and Raiden have consists in giving support to a militia struggling to protect their people in a full-scale civil war, and provide training to their men to lead them into battle. While the first part seemed to go as smoothly as it could, the training was proving to be much more difficult to instill and it was giving you a hard time. No matter how much time you spent instructing them, there was nothing that could replace experience which was something they lacked. They often cowered behind cover, and fired blindly at the enemy, not to mention they were extremely careless with firearm safety. You weren't sure if these men had a chance against the troops of more sophisticated PMCs hired by the government, but you need to have faith in them.

"Maybe you should stand guard, then, in case our friends decide to appear," you mumble, smiling as you tuck the tan shemagh you're wearing under the curve of your chin.

Raiden only makes a sound of acknowledgment, as he huddles in a corner of the room with his firearm resting by his side. Whether he finds your comment amusing, you can't tell because his face is covered by a shemagh too and his blue eyes are the only thing that's visible. "Never thought being a sniper was this, um, boring. No offense..."

"Hunting your prey is all about patience. Probably not your thing." You have to agree that things have been very calm today, though, and enemy activity has dwindled ever since the PLA began to keep an eye on the area. Still, you only hope they aren't regrouping and planning an attack. "You're all more for the heat of battle. Me? I like being here, watching your back while you're out there getting yourself in mess after mess."

"Ah, well, that's a relief." Raiden chuckles, inspecting the gray tactical vest he's wearing over dirty white robes, and then falls silent. It's a comfortable silence, however– not the one that makes you feel the need to fill with words. It brings a sense of reassurance, because you don't feel so lonely anymore. "What are you thinking about?"

"About sleeping in a bed and eating a decent meal for a change." A tired smile appears on your lips, and he laughs at your response. "You?"

Slowly, you hear his laughter die and it takes him a while before he replies. "Ah, stupid things." The glee in his voice has faded and, when your gaze returns to him, you see the gloominess in weary eyes. "I've been thinking that I'm thirty-one but I feel like an old man already." There's a frown on his brow as he looks down with dejection. "Do you think there's still hope for us?"

"Jack..." Once you realize that you've forgotten to call him by his codename you fall silent, and a dark shadow descends upon him.

"That name... reminds me too much of the past." He shakes his head and closes his eyes, as though he's trying to get rid of the horrible images in his mind. "I hate it."

With a sigh, and a heavy heart, you go back to your task and watch over the expanse of destruction that lies before you. "My name also reminds me of many things. It reminds me of the reason why I do what I do. It tells me I can't remain with arms crossed and do nothing as the world goes to hell." It makes you feel bad to say it, but you know there are moments in which you need to look past ahead your own turmoil to see the bigger picture. "I know it's painful to remember those things, and handle all the baggage that comes with it, but there are other ways to make amends with yourself. That's the only way I can teach you to live."

Raiden doesn't say anything for a while, mulling over your words, and you believe the conversation is over. However, it's not long before his words are breaking your concentration again. "How did you end up with the PLA?"

"Ah, it's a long story." You don't think he's actually interested in listening to it but then he snorts at that statement, shifting in his spot so he has a better look at you. For all the cover his clothes provide, they don't conceal his cyborg limbs and the dirt crunches beneath the ball of his feet and heels. It's been somewhat difficult to explain to the residents that, in fact, Raiden wasn't a robot but a person.

"Well, let's hear it. It's not like we have anything better to do."

Throwing a glance to him, you take a deep breath and nod in comply, your eye taking its place behind the scope of your firearm once more. "After the war in Bosnia, some kids were lucky enough to find a good foster family, and were able to live more or less normal lives."

"You weren't one of them?"

"Well, I didn't spend the rest of my childhood in an orphanage, if that's what you're wondering. Indeed, someone took me in. He had fought in the civil war, too, although I'd never met him until then. He and his wife accepted me in their family, and I lived with their children. I suppose I should've been grateful that I had people to look after me, but things were difficult in the aftermath– perhaps even more so. Nobody spoke about the horrors that happened, because they wanted to forget. The economy was in shambles, and we had to struggle for food while the country was recovering. At that point, perhaps the only choice that was left to put bread on the table was getting involved in criminal activities."

"I can relate to that," Raiden adds more as an afterthought, and you hum in agreement.

"At the time I didn't realize. I was so happy that things were beginning to look up that I didn't bother to ask. Even so, something tells me I wouldn't have cared if I had known. But then he started to get home dead drunk, and it wasn't long before he began to get violent on his wife and children. I usually ran away when that happened and didn't return home until he was asleep. Things went downhill from that point, and she grew tired of his abuse. One day she just left with the children. I don't know what happened to them. They just disappeared and I never saw them again." You pause in your account, feeling the ache in your chest grow. "She left me alone with him. Perhaps I shouldn't have run away that time. I wonder if she would have taken me with her..."

"So what did you do after that?" Your tale seems to affect him somehow, for you can hear the shame in his voice.

Your brows furrow and you feel silly and uncomfortable all of a sudden. "I stayed with him. He looked devastated when he found out his family was gone and begged me not to leave him, too. To be honest, I don't really know why I felt pity for him. Maybe I was scared to be alone. Maybe I still hoped he'd protect me from the world but... he used me, like everyone else."

His eyes narrow and he huffs in anger. "Did he–?"

"No, not in the way you think at least." With a shake of your head, you chuckle sadly. "I remember I always wondered how he managed to feed us, until I found out there were people willing to pay a lot of money just to see the blood fly. I was very young when he dragged me into that world. You wouldn't believe it but, for all the alcohol he drank, he knew how to fight. However, he needed someone to get their hands dirty for him, and he chose me for the task. Then came the hard training, the threats, the beatings, and in the midst of it all he would say that as long as we had each other we would be alright. He said he cared for me before pushing me into a cage to fight my opponents, all in the name of getting the big prize."

"And why didn't you leave?" Is reproach what you hear in those words? You're not sure, but that's probably a question you're scared to answer.

It's hard to look him in the eye, for you feel embarrassed about the things you've done. "I liked it. It made me feel alive. I could let all that pent-up rage and hatred flow in every encounter I had. Besides, what was I supposed to do? I had nowhere to go."

"I... didn't mean it that way," he mumbles.

"It's okay." It wasn't your intention to sound so sullen with him, but you couldn't help it. "I'm sorry."

Sheepishly, he fidgets with the hilt of his sword attached to his belt and looks down. "What happened to him, then?"

You don't answer right away but the pause seems to grow the more you think about those days gone. It's not until Raiden is calling for you that you realize you've spaced out for a moment.

"He died." It's not your wish to linger on the subject for too long, so you immediately drop it. "After that, I left with the cash he had kept from me and was able to live for a while. I found a way to finish school and then I had no idea of what to do. It sounds strange, I know, but I decided to join the army because I had no other choice. I don't regret it, though. When I got my first deployment in Iraq, as the sniper of my unit, I had the chance to find a new perspective on war— to see what the world had become. While I was there, I realized I was fighting for a reason I didn't understand– a reason I didn't believe in. I had only switched masters, under the illusion that I was free. In my search for what I had lost, I'd become what I hated the most." As you turn to him, there's a look of dread and guilt in your eyes. "It's a never-ending cycle, isn't it? You know it very well. Hatred only breeds more hatred, and this is the legacy of war."

"So then you left and joined the PLA."

"During my time in the Bosnian Army, I met a woman that had fought in the civil war too. We became close friends. I knew I could count on her to watch my back, and she saved my ass a lot of times."

At this, you hear him chuckle and you have to stop in your account, curious at his reaction. When he realizes you've fallen silent, he's abashed and a bit unnerved. "Sorry. You just reminded me of someone I know. He's one of the greatest soldiers I've ever seen, and a great man too."

"Solid Snake, right?" Raiden looks at you with surprise, as though not really expecting for you to know whom he was referring to. "I don't know him personally but I've heard a lot of him. Matka Pluku has a... special fondness for him, to say the least."

"I see." He blinks a few times, before clearing his throat. "So, you were saying...?"

"I finished my service and then started to look for another way to live, a path to follow. By then, I didn't want to change the world. I just wanted to be alone and leave it all behind. After that, I spent some time trying to put my life back together, without luck. I didn't know where I was going, I had no purpose, but one night I met this friend again. I hadn't seen her nor heard about her in years and, when I thought we'd have some nice chit-chat, she tells me the craziest things I could've ever imagined– the Patriots, the war economy, how AIs control nearly every aspect of our lives, how they manipulate us through the control of information. For a moment, I thought she was pulling my leg and I just called it bullshit... but the more I thought about it, the more it started to make sense. What has the world become but a place in constant war? And the saddest thing is that those caught in the middle pay the price."

"She convinced you to join?"

"I guess it became a matter of trying to fix things, somehow. I really didn't have much of a reason to keep living, and then I met her."

"Matka Pluku..."

You nod, unaware of the fact that you're smiling at the mention of the woman who saved you. "In a way, she gave me a worthy reason to live. I owe her a lot– we, people who've lost their families, the children of war. I found a reason to believe in myself, a set of ideals that gave me purpose and maybe a way to fix the wrong I'd done. I know the dead won't come back, but at least I can help end this madness."

He looks away this time, to the HF blade resting by his side. Uncertain, he nods and silence settles again after a long time. That is until you grab your rifle and stand up, covering your face with the shemagh.

"I think we've been here long enough. Time to move to another position."

You know he needs to find something to believe in, and it's your hope he does.

* * *

As you walk out of the kitchen with a mug of steamy black coffee in hand– probably your fifth one that day– you see him approach. He has his trench coat on, and his sheathed sword is in his firm grasp. When he notices you, he raises a hand in greeting and starts walking towards you. The sight of him brings a smile to your face, and you stop to give him the chance to catch up with you. His pale blonde hair has a faint glow in the setting sun of the Carpathian Mountains, and you have to admit that he looks quite... beautiful. It's strange to use a word like that for a man, you know it, but it fits him somehow. And he's beautiful, even when he sees nothing but a beast.

"Hey there," he says as soon as he's next to you, and it's then that you notice the weariness on his face. Those bags under his eyes tell you he hasn't slept well in a while. Honestly, you can't say you had a good rest, either. As of late, nights are long and filled with horrors, and sometimes you spend hours looking out of the window, waiting for the sun to come out... afraid to close your eyes. Time doesn't seem to go by as you're trapped in a world of guilt and despair, hoping the monsters in your mind would be kinder next time– hoping the voices calling out all your crimes would shut up.

But they never do.

"Well, hello there." Tilting you head, you smile and place your free hand on your hip.

"I was wondering where you've been. Didn't see much of you these past days." His gaze is inquisitive, and you can't help but laugh under your breath.

"Aw, did you miss me?" you tease and he has to look to the side, clearing his throat.

"Maybe..." he finally admits in a low voice, the corners of his lips curving in a small smile. "It gets lonely without you."

"I'm sorry about that, but someone has to do the paperwork."

"Don't you have someone else to do that?"

"Sure, but there are matters I need to oversee. Missions, planning, reports, the usual stuff." You begin to walk back to your office, and he follows quietly after you. Looking to the ground, you sigh and the mood in the conversation changes to a more serious tone. "At any rate, I was hoping to see you. I'm leaving tomorrow. There's something I need to take care of."

His brows furrow, and he gives you a confused look. "What is it? Do you need any help?"

"It's okay." You shake your head. "I got this. Just thought you should know."

Raiden seems to expect an explanation but you say no more, and he starts pressing for answers. "Is something the matter?" He sounds genuinely concerned but you keep walking, hoping that he would just give up with the questions. It's not until he places a hand on your shoulder to stop you that you realize simply ignoring him won't do. "You know you can count on me."

Of course you know that. It's just that you don't want him to get involved– he's not supposed to. It's a task you have to accomplish on your own, an assignment that had been entrusted to you and only you. Even if you want to tell him, you know you'd put in danger everything you've worked for these past years. That's something you can't allow.

"I appreciate the thought but you don't need to worry about me, Jack. I got this, okay?"

Raiden shifts uncomfortably, looking displeased with your response. "Alright," he mumbles through gritted teeth, folding his arms over his chest, but then his expression softens as he looks down at you. "I understand."

"Good." You nod, relieved at his reaction, before rubbing your nape. "Well, as much as I'd like to stay and talk, I have to go back. Duty calls." Chuckling, you shrug and begin to walk backwards, giving him an amused look. "You're too much of a distraction, sir."

He looks panicked for a second, his mouth quickly opening to speak but then closing again. It's like there's a debate in his mind and he doesn't know what to do. However, as soon as you turn to walk away, Raiden seems to take the chance and his next words catch you off guard.

"Hey, are you... busy tonight?"

"What?" You halt in your steps abruptly and spill some of the hot coffee on the back of your hand. It causes you to hiss in pain, but you're more preoccupied on paying attention to him with wide eyes. Perhaps it's thrill. Perhaps it's fear. Or a mix of both, you're not sure. It's so silly that you'd get so nervous with so simple a question. It's not like he asked you to marry him, and it's not like you don't spend a lot of time together. Of course he would start looking for your company, at some point.

"Are you busy tonight?" He scratches the back of his head, sheepish all of a sudden. "I was wondering if we could... well, I'd say go for a coffee, but you know I can't eat or drink." His voice trails off, and it's as though he's talking more to himself than you, but then he snaps out of his thoughts and grows flustered. "Of course, you can drink the coffee if you want. I don't... mind." With an exasperated groan, he closes his eyes and brushes a hand against his face. It doesn't seem to go as he expected. "I'm sorry. What I mean is–"

"Are you asking me on a date, Jack?" You're tempted to laugh because he looks awkward, but you hold back because you don't want him to feel discouraged. It doesn't stop you from grinning, though.

He reflects on your question for a while, as you approach him. Then his eyebrows rise and he shrugs. "I guess that'd be the proper word, yes. Is that what they call it nowadays?" Chuckling, he averts his gaze to the ground. "I just wanted to talk to you, that's all. If you can't, that's fine. I know you're probably busy and–"

"No, I'd like to," you reply faster than you intended, and are surprised at that, before you collect yourself. "I mean, we haven't talked much these past days."

You know you should have said no, rejected his invitation, but deep down that's not what you want. Deep down, there are things you wish you could say at that moment. You wish you could tell him the truth, or that you could shut him out of your life, but neither of those options are possible now. You're risking too much involving yourself this way with him, the work and effort of many years, but how can you back out? You're in too deep in a net of lies and deception, but you've already gotten too close for comfort to him. It's becoming dangerous, ill-timed.

"Yea, that's it. I thought we could... talk for a while." You two sound like a pair of kids; you're painfully aware of that and he seems to be, too. There's an embarrassing silence that follows and, after a few clumsy goodbyes, Raiden and you part ways, promising to meet later.

As you enter the small office you occupy, you put the coffee on your desk and wipe your hand with a paper towel. After taking a seat, you spend the next minutes staring at the wall, like it was the most interesting thing in the world, and ignore the work waiting for you.

Your drink has grown cold, and shadows surround you with voices that whisper to you. It's not thoughts about the meeting with him, and the things he would say, that you plague your head— it's the guilt of knowing that in the end you'll have to betray him.

It's something that has been on your mind for quite some time now. The inevitability of the outcome was hard to ignore, and it was a very much real possibility that now made you fearful. Still, it's a sacrifice you need to make.

One you'll be forced to make sooner or later.

* * *

A knock on the door has you looking up from the screen of the computer.

You're in darkness; the only source of light is the laptop that rests on the desk before you. The sudden movement you make has you groaning in ache, and you lie back on your chair for a few moments, hands brushing against your face to get rid of the lassitude that suddenly overwhelms you. Another knock follows and you get up sluggishly, cracking your neck and back as you make your way to the door.

"Coming," you call to the person on the other side, your hand feeling for the light switch on the wall. Once you find it, a glow bathes the room and you blink for a few moments before you grab the knob. The door opens silently, and you meet blue eyes that regard you with warmth and relief. You can't help but smile when you see Raiden, noticing the fast beating of your heart when his lips curl up at the sight of you. "Hello."

"For a moment I thought you had left." His jaw is not covered by his trench coat, and you can appreciate the expression on his face. There's a joviality to him that's hard to miss, and his eyes somehow look livelier than they used to. "Everything was dark."

His comment elicits a chuckle from you, as you brush a hand against your hair. "Ah, sorry about that. I kinda forgot to turn the lights on. I didn't realize it was so late, though. Time really does fly, doesn't it?"

"Yea." Raiden looks at you with expectation, before you finally remember to step aside and offer him to walk in. Somewhat timidly, he presents you with a silver thermal mug as he steps into the room. "Your fave."

"Thank you." You smile as you receive the item, opening the lid and smelling its contents. The scent of rich black coffee pleasantly tickles your nostrils and you take a small sip to savor its sharpness, which is strong on your tongue. "Wow, this is really nice. How did you know?"

"Do you even sleep with all that caffeine in your body?" He seems to ignore your question and you quickly brush the matter aside, shrugging your shoulders.

"In my defense, I didn't drink the last mug of coffee." Turning away, you nod to the untouched drink on your desk, and Raiden's eyes widen the slightest bit in realization. "I forgot and it grew cold, and you know I _hate_ drinking cold coffee." As you walk around your desk, you wave for him to follow and pull a chair from a corner of the room. "Come, take a seat."

Returning to your own chair, you make yourself comfortable and watch as he does the same. His eyebrows rise at the sight of the stack of files by your side, and then he's giving you a sympathetic look. "That's a lot of work to do."

"Nah, that's already done. They were some forms I had to fill in, papers I had to sign, reports I had to read. Since she's never around, I have to take care of handling these matters in her stead," you say, referring to Matka Pluku.

In a way, you're the one who runs this place as it would be too dangerous for her to be on plain sight of the Patriots. Ever since her defection from the organization, she had remained in hiding from their eyesight in Eastern Europe. You needed to be careful not to disclose her ties to the PLA, for it was easy to make a mistake in a world that couldn't keep secrets from Cipher.

"She seems to trust you a lot," he remarks with a frown, his gaze roaming the seas of letters and ink on light background.

"It's more the other way around. I trust her." You let a smile form on your lips, before drinking from your hot drink. "That's why I'm willing to lend my identity to the PLA, to protect her."

His teeth grit, and you can see his hands ball into fists. Raiden looks distraught all of a sudden, as he leans closer to you with a troubled expression on his face. "Isn't it dangerous for you? If they find out what we're really up to, you're going to be the first person they hunt down."

"They can try. I know you'll be there to watch my back." At your words, he flusters and loses a bit of color but nods in silence, as though that's the natural thing to do, and you attempt to reassure him. "But don't worry, that's not going to happen. The only thing you need to focus is on the mission you have. Remember, this is what you're here for. We have to recover his remains."

This causes him to shift uncomfortably, and his eyes are filled with uncertainty. "How? Last time I tried, I ended up in the hands of a butcher. It's not like we can just casually walk in, snatch the body, and then get out whistling like nothing happened. They have heavy security, many layers of protection which we have to go through, and if we don't find the way to sort them out then it's a lost cause. As much as I want to help, I can't do it alone."

You purse your lips and rub your chin in thought. "I'm sure if someone could help us from the inside, if we could find an informant–"

His sigh of exasperation cuts you off and he's making a disgruntled face. "That's going to take time. If this is the plan, then we should've gotten this guy long ago."

"Maybe we already have one." You raise your head high and look him in the eye, smiling inwardly at the surprise on his face.

Raiden regards you with a baffled look that soon turns into one of suspicion. "You're hiding something from me."

For a moment you're not sure of what to say and stare at him with a small smile plastered on your lips, uneasiness in your gaze. "Either way, you'll eventually find out but I'm not discussing this with you here or now."

As much as he doesn't like your answer, he knows your statement is final. He can do nothing but come to terms with the fact he'll find out when the time is right. The only thing you fear is the way he'll learn the truth, and you're aware it can cost you dearly. You only hope he understands your reasons one day.

You drop the subject and move on to more mundane topics. He tells you about a few books he's read the past months, most of them analysis on the modern military conflicts in the world– specifically the Middle East, given the time you spent there not long ago. Then, you're sharing the tidbits of the everyday life, trying to get a feel of normalcy in the comfort of companionship. It's good to talk with him, to see that he can laugh again and that he's beginning to find a new path to follow– a reason to go on.

It takes a while before you realize that the coffee is gone, and that it's getting late. A bit reluctant, you tell him it's time to leave and he's walking with you in the cover of the chilly night. At some point he asks you if you want to have dinner but you decline, saying you're not feeling up to it.

He's silent by your side, close to you, and you turn to him as he gives you a look of concern. "When are you leaving?" He asks, abruptly coming to a stop in front of you. His tall form keeps you from advancing, and so you try to come to a halt before you bump against his chest. It's something you barely manage, as your hands touch the polymer of his breastplates. Embarrassed at his own clumsiness, Raiden apologizes as he parts from you sheepishly and you clear your throat, diverting your gaze to the ground.

"Tomorrow morning." You brush a hand against your nape, feeling a rush of heat on your cheeks that you want to conceal. You don't know what's going on. It's not the first time you touch him. There have been plenty of times you did when you cared for him and trained with him, but this time there's something else in the back of your mind– something else you sense from him in the way his breathing hitches and his eyes are fixed on you when you lift your gaze.

"Will you be okay?" There's apprehension in his voice, and it's like he wants to reach for you but is hesitating to do so.

"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it." You pat his shoulder, and he only nods in understanding before you're saying good night.

It's then that he grabs your wrist, swiftly albeit with a gentleness you don't expect. Raiden holds you in place, and he's stunned for a moment– as though he himself doesn't understand what's going on or what he's done. Still, this time he doesn't attempt to say sorry nor is he ashamed of his actions. He only smiles sadly, his hand softly holding you and you remain still, surprise on your face at his unforeseen gesture.

"Take care, okay?" His request is heartfelt, and you can't help but feel a sudden flutter in your stomach when you find he's surprisingly warm against your skin. Your fingers slide to squeeze his hand, your chest aches at the flurry of feelings and thoughts that battle inside of you.

"I will," your words are a whisper before he lets go of you reluctantly and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter edited 03/25/17**


	4. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to update ;A; fortunately, it didn’t take me longer than the last time. This chapter alone is about 5,410 words and I've been writing a story for Kuai Liang from Mortal Kombat, too, which I intend to post on this site... someday. Let’s hope I can finish the next chapter for this fic soon c: ~~I even have the ending but that’ll have to wait~~~
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetaed work. I wanted to mention that the last part of this chapter is based on a mission from Call of Duty MW3 (Back on the Grid, if you’re interested) but only to a certain extent. **It also contains violence, implied rape, and depictions of torture.**

**Chapter III:** _"The Plan"_

Your destination is an old church in Prague, turned into a safe house for the PLA years ago. It's one of Matka Pluku's sanctuaries, and you know she's waiting for your return. As you reach the back of the building, and make sure nobody is following, you punch the code in the number pad by the side of the door. Once you hear the snap of the lock unfastening, you push your way through and come across a silent hall. Looking from side to side, you scan the area before quietly treading further inside to the nave of the temple.

It's strange that there's no one in sight, and you grow suspicious as time passes by and you see no one around. It comes to the point that you grab the gun concealed inside your jacket and decide to go investigate, fearing for Big Mama's safety. You proceed through the aisle, firearm in hand, looking for any sign of danger when a snicker nearby makes you go into a state of alert.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" A feminine voice speaks, causing you to stop immediately and turn around in a haste. Then, you spot a woman with medium-length brown hair leaning against one of the columns of the church, with arms crossed. Her gray eyes regard you with amusement, as you lower your weapon with a shocked expression on your face. "Long time no see. Have you already forgotten about old friends?"

You can't deny you're surprised at the sight of her. Indeed, it has been a while ever since the last time you saw her— the woman who has been your faithful companion in the Middle East. She had left for South America on a mission of her own months ago, although you're not familiar with the details concerning her assignment. Still, it's a pleasant surprise that fills your heart with warmth and joy when you see she's back, safe and sound.

"Tifa." Switching the safety of your gun on, you put it away in the concealed holster of your jacket. Then, you walk to her with a grin on your lips and envelop her in a tight hug that she returns without hesitation. "When did you return?"

"A couple of days ago." She strokes your back and, as you both part from each other, she holds your hands at a distance and eyes you from head to toes with playfulness. "But look at you, miss! You've grown so much prettier since the last time I saw you, I almost didn't recognize you. And you have to tell where you bought that jacket and those gorgeous leather shoes!"

"You're looking good as ever and, most importantly, I'm happy you're back with us."

"So am I. It's good to be home." Her voice is soft as she lets go of you, still smiling from ear to ear. With swift steps, she moves to the bottom of the stairs and then nods for you to follow her to the more secluded rooms of the building. "But come on, she's been waiting for you. We'll catch up later, okay?"

* * *

Matka Pluku welcomes you with open arms, and you're quite happy to see her too. The woman has a special place in your heart and you can never thank her enough for the help she's given you. She offered you a chance to start anew, a family to rely on in a moment when you needed it the most— when you thought life had nothing to offer and was overwhelming you in your despair to find a way out. The woman is like a mother to you, a mother you thought you lost long ago, for you were reborn with her blessing.

She leads you inside her study room. It's a place that's softly lit by lamps, a weak golden hue shining upon different shades of wood. There's a library full of books and, close by, two leather sofas await for you and her, next to a small coffee table laid over a dark patterned carpet. EVA offers you to take a seat before asking you if you want something to drink. With some hesitation— since you don't want to make her go out of her way for you— you tell her that some water will be fine. At your response, she laughs under her breath and turns to the wooden cabinet with paned windows. Then she takes two small glasses and a bottle of _slivovitz_.

The way she sashays back to you is almost hypnotic, you can't help but notice. Even you have to admit that such display of beauty and elegance makes your face feel hot. Again, she chuckles and smoothly slips on her seat, her gaze soft and full of warmth as you look up at her. With gentleness, she places the glasses on the coffee table and pours the drink in them. There's a certain grace in her every move that leaves you in a daze, as you listen to the sweet sound of the spirit flowing and swirling. It's not until she's passing the drink to you that you are brought out of your reverie, and fluster a bit as you take the shot glass from her hand.

After a few moments, she lies back and crosses her legs. You do nothing, waiting for her to drink first as your way to show courtesy. She then raises the glass and you make a small toast, downing the drink with a swift gulp. It's rich against your tongue, and leaves a burning sensation as it goes down your throat.

"We're getting closer to our goal every day." Her blue eyes are looking into you with acumen, lips drawing a small smile of satisfaction. "You've done a very fine work, my dear child."

"I only did what you asked," you retort quietly, reciprocating her gesture. "I admit it hasn't been an easy task the one you entrusted me."

"I know, and that's why your efforts are important to me. You'll be the one to open the door to us— to _him_." There's no need for her to say his name. You know she's talking about Raiden, and you avoid her gaze in an attempt to conceal any hint that could give your emotions away. "How is he?"

"He's... fine." Your voice trails off as you set the glass aside and lick your lips. "I saw him this morning when he came to say goodbye. He doesn't know I'm here with you, though."

"How is he doing?"

"He's made a lot of progress ever since we took him in, not only physically but emotionally too. I think what distressed him the most was being alone, with nobody to rely on and trust. He's different from the man I found in that horrible place, that's for sure." The memory of what you saw when you rescued him from Area 51 still makes you shudder— a man broken and violated in body and soul. He didn't deserve that fate, neither the horrors he lived as a child. "There's a long way to go with him but I trust he will make it. I'll try to help him for as long as I can."

"He has grown fond of you, hasn't he?" The question catches you by surprise and you regard her with wide eyes. It's as if the thought hasn't crossed your mind until now. It leaves you at a loss for words whilst she tilts her head and regards you with playful curiosity. "Or perhaps more than that?"

"It's not what you think." The last thing you want is for her to think you've lost focus on your mission and believe that you're not reliable anymore. "We're good friends. That is all."

"I'm not here to judge." She tries to soothe you with sympathetic words and you sigh. "I understand that feeling all too well. I was in your shoes once. It was a love that marked my soul forever, but it wasn't meant to be. I'm afraid his heart wasn't mine for the taking, but I loved him with every fiber of my being despite that." Her confession piques your interest and you see the sad smile she gives you. "It's curious how love can bloom in the battlefield, isn't it?"

So the _femme fatale_ had lost her heart to someone else, after all. She lost it and never got it back. You know that will be your fate if you follow in her steps, and you can't let that happen. "I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're just friends, nothing more." It's easier to believe that, so you'd convince yourself that there's nothing else between you and Raiden— that your mutual affection is still within the boundaries of comradeship. "At any rate, it's not relevant. I have a mission and I'll accomplish it, no matter what."

EVA is lost in thought for a brief moment, before she nods in understanding. "I see. Off you go, then. I fear for your safety, but it's the only way."

"You worry about yourself and leave the rest to me." It's the only thing you can say, trying to smile so she'd think no more of it. You're doing this of your own accord, and you will finish it.

"I'm glad you feel so confident but, remember, they're dangerous and they control everything. Never let your guard down. Be careful what you do and say. You have no friends there. You'll be on your own."

She's right. You'll be alone and if something goes wrong that means it's the end for you. Her warning lingers in your mind and you realize that, perhaps, all the hardships you went though during your life were meant to lead to this moment. No matter how big or small your role in this struggle could be, you have a purpose to fulfill.

"I know."

"There's only one more thing I must give to you." She produces a flash drive from her pocket and places it on the coffee table before you. Confused, your hand reaches forward to pick it up, and you hold the device between your fingers as yet you examine it with interest. You squint your eyes at the item and then gaze at her, asking for an explanation. "It's my head."

It feels like a punch in the gut as soon as she says that and you shake your head, unable to believe what she's implying. She can't possibly mean for you to bargain with her life. "You can't be serious..."

"You have to prove you're loyal to them. When they realize the PLA has been under my command all along, they'll know you're on their side. They'll let you in when you give them a big prize." Her voice remains calm and soft, but it does nothing to ease your distress. "I told you this was the only way, and I'm asking this of you because I trust _you_ to do it."

"It's insane! You're risking too much with this." You can't accept this. There must be another way.

"Aren't we all? You need to understand this is my choice." The features of her face have hardened, and her blue eyes look much more deeper and vibrant as her eyebrows furrow. "If you want to back out, I'll understand and I'll find someone else. But if you think you'll change my mind with a tantrum of your own, then I'll have to disappoint you. I'll free him from his prison, even at the cost of my own life because," EVA suddenly falls silent as she takes a deep breath, looking away with wistfulness. She doesn't say anything after that, but there's no need to. You've already figured it out in the way she stares into the distance with longing for something that could never be. Big Boss is the man she loves, the one who stole her heart and never gave it back. The legendary soldier is the secret she kept to herself all this time. "I know it's selfish of me to ask you this, but this goes beyond my feelings. His body is the only way to access the AI network and destroy the abomination I helped create. We need him."

As much as you don't like the idea, you can't deny her wish after all she's done for you. You owe her as much, and with a heavy heart you agree to bear the burden. She's made her choice and there's nothing you can do about it other than support her and try to protect her.

"Please, tell me you'll be safe— that my brothers and sisters will be fine. I need to be certain that you're sure of this."

Determination in her eyes surfaces and there's no going back. "I have never been more certain of anything in my life, my dear."

* * *

Your next mission takes you to Africa, and your objective is to find and free a group of women kidnapped by local terrorists. Raiden and Tifa are with you this time, as you infiltrate in an area full of hostiles that will not hesitate to kill you if they have the chance. You're deployed a few kilometers away from your destination the previous night, and make your way to it before dawn. After you reach the bank of the river outside the village, you follow the stream. Intel indicates that the women are kept there. It's up to you to find them quick and have them secured by the time night falls.

Once you report back to HQ, you turn to your friends who are on standby. "The village shouldn't be far from here. Remember, keep a low profile and if you have to dispose of any hostiles be swift and quiet. When we reach our objective, we wipe them out."

The sun is high and the weather is hot today. You can feel the steam cling to your skin as you tread in dirty water, perspiration forming on your body. Tifa is in the same situation but she doesn't complain, trudging by your side while Raiden keeps an eye at the back. He's faring better with his cyborg body, but his face is still a bit glossy from the humidity. Once you approach the side of the road, the water only reaches to your ankles and you see the ample cut of the bank which shows reddish soil riddled with vegetation. It's then that Tifa goes ahead before you hear the sound of engines roaring in the distance.

"Get down. Vehicles approaching." She crouches and hurries to take cover among the reeds. Raiden and you follow suit, as a small convoy of technicals— pick-up trucks armored with machine guns— drive on the dirt road and the wooden bridge. They pass but you still don't move, waiting for a prudential time before leaving your hiding spot. There are a few troops on foot and they're heading for the village, which means you're on the right path.

An unsuspecting enemy happens to walk close by, and you're praying for him to be on his way. His steps draw nearer and nearer, however, and you find yourself reaching for the knife strapped to your vest in case you need it. But it's Tifa the one that springs up from her cover and pulls the man towards her by the wrist. She sinks the blade in his throat before he even knows what's going on. As he falls down, she makes sure he's neatly hidden among the vegetation and wipes the blood on her knife against her shirt. Afterwards, she's looking at you for approval and you nod. There was no other choice. He was going to give your position away and everything would have been over before it started.

"Move," you say once you make sure there's no one in sight. Raiden is the first one to climb up to the road. You and Tifa trail behind him, while he crosses to the other side, and then traverse the foliage that provides concealment for you. As you emerge to the backyard of a shack in ruins, Raiden comes to an abrupt stop and raises a closed fist for you to hold your position.

_Two enemies ahead_ , he indicates holding two fingers up before pointing at the hostiles. When you get closer for a better look, the sight you find is disturbing although nothing you haven't seen before. They're piling up the corpses of several men that they've executed to incinerate them. Who knows? Maybe these were people that have tried to free their wives, daughters, and sisters, without success.

You'll have to get rid of those bastards if you intend to advance. His AS Val is ready and he only waits for your signal so, wasting no more time, you give him the go and he fires without missing a beat. The two men fall dead before they can even blink.

"Clear." He advances and drags the bodies close to the pile of cadavers, so they don't stand out too much. The rest of the place looks deserted, apart from the cluster of bodies you find as you progress further, until you reach the road again. You hide amid rocks and vegetation, watching as another technical passes by carrying more troops.

"Easy there, guys. There's too many of them," you say at the time you spot more militia gathered around the ruins of another destroyed home. This time you have to find a way to avoid them, since engaging them is not an option. Staying in the same place for too long is dangerous, so you have to move soon. Tifa then suggests to sneak around and take advantage of the camouflage the long weeds on the side of the road have to offer, whilst you look for the perfect time to move. As soon as you find it, you give the signal and make a dash for it, your comrades following without hesitation. But then you see another technical and there's nothing you can do but go prone "Get down. _Now_." Your enemy is a few meters away from you, and you don't dare move— or breathe— as you feel Raiden fall by your feet with a grunt. For a moment, you fear that they have seen you, but as the vehicle moves away you release the breath you were holding. "Move slowly."

You crawl several meters, until you're sure that there's no more of them. Getting on your knees, you scan ahead and confirm that everything's clear before you push forward to another shelter in debris. There, you have to hold up for a moment and let another group of militia walk by, as you huddle out of their sight. After several halts and a few more enemies taken down, you finally make your way to the shanty village where the kidnapped women are supposed to be.

Again, the place is quiet but you don't intend to let that fool you. You're certain there are hostiles in the area but you don't worry too much, since you're authorized to use lethal force. No one will miss this scum that has been waging genocide on the region for months on end, and you'll be doing a favor to everyone. Hut by hut you advance, determined to hunt them down and rescue the poor women from that hellhole with your own means if necessary. One after another they fall, but you grow concerned as there's no sign of the captives.

As you reach one of the shacks, you can hear high-pitched cries and screams— the kind of which you know all too well because they bring back awful memories that you try to push away. Running ahead, you hear Tifa call for you on the radio but you pay no attention to her. You only want to get there as soon as possible and try to save the poor soul from the torture they were being put through. When you kick the door open and rush inside, with a snarl on your lips, you find a man pinning down a naked woman on a torn mattress. She's struggling to escape, doing everything she can to no avail.

You know what he's doing to her, and you lose whatever trace of sanity you still have left in your mind. In a second you seize him by his clothes and take him off of her, throwing him to the ground before he can recover from the shock. Then you grab your firearm and hit him with the butt on his face. He wails in pain, rolling on the floor and then you kick him in the stomach. Kick him once, then twice, then thrice, until it seems he's not moving and then—

"Calm down! It's okay, enough!" You don't know when Raiden is by your side, his arm around your chest to hold you back, as he drags you away. It takes him a while before he can coax you into cooling down, but his strong grip is enough to make it hard to breathe and you stop struggling against him.

"I'm fine," you rasp with bitterness, pushing Raiden away to get out of his grasp. He stumbles back a bit, and you huff while brushing a hand against your hair in vexation. Turning around, you see that Tifa is trying to calm the girl down and has covered her nude body with an old rag. The poor thing is sobbing as your friend hugs her, and you look down to the man who's barely conscious. He's still breathing, and rage boils under your skin at the sight of the son of a bitch. "Where are the others?" Tifa translates but the girl just cries and clings to her, blubbering something you can't understand. "What did she say?"

"She says that we have to take her to her family."

"We need to find the others first!" You grit your teeth, trying to regain your cool in vain. This seems to agitate the youngster and she starts sobbing some more. It's not your intention to scare her, of course, but at the moment it's difficult to control the rage you feel. It's too much for you to bear but you try to change your approach and take a deep breath, making sure your voice is soft. "Listen, what's your name?"

"Nyala," she answers after Tifa interpreted for you, her big brown eyes looking into you with fear— a fear you know too well because it claws at the walls of your mind every night. She's so small, so thin, so fragile, that you feel pity and it makes you sick thinking about the horrible things they did to her. It's then you decide that getting rid of those monsters is the best thing you can do.

"That's a beautiful name." You walk with easy steps and crouch before her, leaving Raiden to keep an eye on the trash. "I'm (Name). Nyala, I need your help. I know you're scared, I know you want to go home. Trust me, we're here to take you with your family but we need to find the others, too. We can't leave them trapped here. Do you understand? They're scared, too, and want to go to their families, just like you."

Nyala looks down with sadness and then her eyes are on Tifa, as though she's trying to find reassurance in your friend. Before long, tears well in her eyes and she's babbling again, whilst you place a hand on her tiny shoulder and gently rub it for comfort.

"Oh, no." Tifa's face is full of concern as she listens to what Nyala has to say, and you can only remain with the doubt until she decides to explain. "She says they're kept underground. She doesn't remember where the entrance is because she was too terrified to see anything. But it's a dark and scary place. She says she's sorry she can't be of more help."

This is bad. They're underground but that could be anywhere. It will take you days, weeks, before you can find them and by that time they'll be dead.

"It's okay, Nyala. You'll be safe. We'll find them and then we'll take you home." Your worry now mirrors that of Tifa as you try not to scream in frustration. Letting your emotions take over is a terrible idea, you know it, but it's much more difficult when this has become a personal matter. The only thing you can do is ball your fists, until your nails are digging in your skin and your knuckles turn white. "Find a hiding spot for her until we return." While you know it's not the most wise decision, you can't allow the girl to remain here but you can't do more for her than what you've done. Getting up, you turn to the man who's still unconscious "Raiden, find a chair and tie him up. I have some questions for this piece of shit."

* * *

The man comes to with a wail when you poke his bruised ribs with the butt of your knife. "Time to wake up, scumbag." He groans and blinks a few times, until his sight has cleared and he's aware of his surroundings. When his eyes are on you, he seems to remember what has happened and begins to panic. Then, he tries to lunge at you only for him to fall back on the chair where he's tied.

"What the fuck? What have you done to me, bitch?" He struggles against his bonds, but Raiden has made sure that they're firmly cinched. "I'm gonna have fun killing you. You're gonna regret what you've done to me."

So he speaks English. It only gets easier for you.

"Yea, I've lost count of how many times I've been told that." At your response, you receive another myriad of insults and you know he's growing desperate. It makes it all the more fun. "Scream all you want. Nobody's coming to help you. We killed all your buddies and, unfortunately for you, you're the one we chose for our game."

You're lying. While you've disposed of the terrorists in the village, there are still those keeping watch on the borders. Of course, you won't let him know that. You need him to believe he's on his own and this works just fine. With a little luck, no one will hear him and come to see what's going on. If that was the case, at least you have two fine soldiers by your side.

"What game?" His dark eyes widen and he gulps with difficulty, his breathing wavering for a moment.

"A game in which I make a question, and you give me the answer I want. Now we can make this clean, if you know what I mean. I'll know if you're lying, and let me tell you that I _despise_ liars." The smile on your lips is menacing as you bend to the level of his face, and cross your arms behind you. "Ready, then? Here goes the first question. It's pretty simple and I'm more than sure you'll know how to answer it. Where are the women you abducted?"

"I won't tell you shit." The man spits on your face and you close your eyes just as the drool hits your skin. Grumbling, you wipe it away with the sleeve of your shirt and then promptly deliver a punch on his face. He groans as his head snaps to the side and then you hold his aching jaw in your hand, a thin trail of blood dribbling out of his mouth.

"Here, this question perhaps may be easier for you. Where are the women you enslaved, you raped— the women whose lives you destroyed?!" Your voice drips with venom as you dig your fingers in his cheeks. He still doesn't answer. He just keeps breathing heavily and you press harder against his skin until he moans in pain. Then you hold the knife close to his face and he starts struggling, never taking his eyes off of the blade. "Tell you what's gonna happen when my patience runs out. I'm going to chop off the fingers of your hand and, if that doesn't work, I'm going to take your eyes out. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to rip your balls and dick. You'll never be able to hurt anyone again."

"Fuck you," he mutters, trying to appear fearless and dauntless when you know he's anything but.

"You don't believe me?" Narrowing your eyes, you tilt your head and click your tongue at him. With gritted teeth, you step away and walk to Raiden, who stands by the door wearing an expression of uneasiness. "Raiden, stand guard outside and tell us when hostiles approach," you whisper to him so your captive wouldn't listen. Throwing a glance to Tifa, you nod at the worm. "Gag this fucker."

"Right away." Without wasting a second, she grabs the shemagh around her neck, rips a long piece of it with her knife and then proceeds to silence him. Before long, you're dragging a table from the corner and placing it in front of him, and she helps you haul his hand on it.

"You think I'm not gonna cut your fucking fingers off?" He's thrashing trying to get away now, but Tifa is keeping him in place. "Well, let me tell you something," you snarl as you place the tip of the blade on his joint, searching the right place to stab clean and quickly. "I learned from the best."

His screams are muffled by the gag as the knife sinks in his flesh and bones. He convulses in pain, his eyes rolling to the back of his skull. The guy has pissed himself at this point, and the stench of urine and blood start to take over the filthy room. The sight makes you smirk, and you can't deny you're deriving satisfaction from what you're doing to him, as you finish slicing the severed finger and hold it in front of him. He looks at it with panic and horror, before you toss it on his face and decide to continue with the next.

"We've got nine more to go and plenty of time." Another lie. You don't have all day. You have to find the captives, before night falls, and get them out of there. "Now tell me, where are the women?" It's not until Tifa— who's unfazed by the whole scene— calls your codename and nods behind you that you realize Raiden has remained in the room the whole time, his eyes slightly wide as he witnesses the show you've mounted. It makes you feel mad as you narrow your eyes at him. "What the hell are you waiting for? I gave you an order. Get out!"

Raiden gulps, looking down with disturb and dread in his blue eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

It's the only thing he says before he turns around and leaves. At that moment you can't comprehend, can't bring yourself to care why he's so afflicted. It all reduces to the man that's under your mercy and the pain you're inflicting him.

And you want to hear him beg.

"Let's hear what he has to say."

Tifa removes the piece of bloodied cloth from his mouth and he starts to weep, much to your pleasure. "Please, I-I don't know what you're talking about. Please, let me go! I swear I don't know!"

That's some bullshit he's telling you, and you're not buying it. "Perhaps if I'd been in a better mood I would have believed you... but I'm not. Gag him." He begins to scream again when Tifa shoves the cloth in his mouth. Thick drops of sweat are falling down his face, in addition to his tears. They don't move you and you don't feel any compassion for this beast. Your heart is a rock as you look down at him with contempt. "We'll keep doing this until you tell me what I want to hear. It's all up to you to end your suffering."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and comments ♥ hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> **Chapter revised 03/25/17**


	5. I'm Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update. Hope you enjoy this one. Thanks for love~
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetated work. Violence. Torture. Gore. Coarse language.

**Chapter IV:** _"I'm Scared"_

It's not until you chop off the third finger that he starts spilling the beans. Begging for mercy, at this point, the man reveals the position in which the women are held captive. They're underground, like Nyala said, so you know there's a chance he's telling the truth. That or he's trying to stop the torture you're putting him through, so you take the precaution of checking out. Leaving Tifa to keep an eye on him, you meet Raiden outside. It appears no one has noticed about your presence, yet, but it won't be long before they do so you have to hurry. You send the cyborg ahead, giving him indications through the radio as you hold the sobbing man at gunpoint.

"Lie to me and say goodbye to your dick, son of a bitch," you hiss, pointing at said part of his body.

"I swear it's the truth!" he sniffs, choking in his own saliva as he closes his eyes and coughs violently. "Please, you have to believe me!"

" _Alright, I'm here_ ," Raiden's voice rasps in the earpiece plugged into your ear. " _I see nothing of interest. Only a weapons cache, several oil drums and some rubbish."_

You pull back the slide of the gun, loading a bullet into the chamber. The bastard starts screaming again, shaking his head wildly as his face scrunches in despair and agony. "Wait! Please, don't kill me! I... I'm telling the truth, please!" You're a second away from putting a bullet between his legs when his words stop you short from that. "They're in that place. He... he needs to get rid of the oil drums and lift the boards! I swear it!"

Rolling your eyes, you sigh. "You could have said that in the first place and save yourself a lot of drama." Then, you turn away and press the button of the radio attached to your shoulder. "Raiden, get those drums out of your way and check out the boards. He says there should be some kind of entrance if you lift them."

" _Roger that_." He goes dark for several minutes whilst Tifa and you remain with the broken captive, who's quietly sniffing and trembling on his seat. Even now you can't bring yourself to feel any pity for him. Not with the knowledge he's been sowing terror and death like the rest, killing innocent people and doing terrible things to these women. This is only a fraction of what he deserves.

"Raiden? Are you there?" You begin to worry, as time passes and there's no word from him. "Raiden, do you copy?"

" _Raiden_ _here. I found the entrance and... damn, it's really dark down there. Give me a sec to_   _switch to night vision._ " Another moment passes before he's with you again, his breathing heavy and his voice strained. " _I'm in. The smell is terrible, by the way_."

"Do you see them?" You can feel the tension and the wait only manages to make you more distressed.

" _I... oh, god_." There's a pause. Anxiousness gnaw at your guts and you call for him several times, the situation getting on your nerves. " _They're here._ " Yelps and cries take over the frequency, as the women seem to retreat in fear from him. " _I found them._ "

"Good." A smile is on your lips as you nod, relief washing over you. "We'll rendezvous at your position immediately. Specter out." With a nod in Tifa's direction, she readies her firearm and awaits for your command. "Time to get them out of here."

The woman heads for the door without wasting a second, whilst you wipe the blood from your hands. Glancing at the man, who now lies limp against the chair, you hear him mutter a plea. "Please, let me go." His eyes are full of tears and fear, and he looks so defeated and beaten. It's a very different picture from the one you saw when he was hurting that poor girl, and she begged for mercy he didn't find in himself to have.

Such a disregard for innocent lives is something you can't excuse because you'd been a victim of cruelty, too, and the pain and rage of such horrors never left. They never will, even if you tried to follow another path, because at the end of the day you realize the resentment will always remain. There's no notion of right and wrong this time. Only a gun between you and him. Only hatred.

And a bullet in his head.

* * *

You kept your promise to save the girls and take them home. It wasn't an easy task fleeing from that place. Fortunately, Tifa had created multiple diversions with C4 around the village to keep them occupied for a while. On your part, you had retrieved intel on the militia to give to the government and Raiden had found the trucks to transport your wards.

The poor girls were terrified, and it had taken Tifa time you didn't have before she could calm them down. Nyala offered some help in that aspect, and your friend explained that your team was sent to help.

It would be difficult to get past the military personnel without being spotted. Then you contacted the other team on standby, and they reported they were ready to eliminate the targets at your order, which you gave. You had to reach the location where national forces would be waiting for you, and you were counting on Echo Team to buy you some time. As you drove to the now deserted border, you announced your arrival to your comrades through the radio. It wasn't long before three of them got out of their hideouts and jumped into the trucks.

At first there weren't problems but then the enemy caught up with you, having realized you had infiltrated and killed part of their militias. Their hunt was relentless and aggressive. However, Raiden gave you an edge in battle as his agility and superhuman strength came into play when he wielded his HF blade. Either way, you didn't get to see much of the action as you were busy riding one vehicle and Tifa was on the other.

It was a difficult and perilous escape, but you finally reached the national forces. They would give the girls medical and psychiatric treatment, before reuniting them with their families. Their souls would be scarred forever, but it was your hope that they would heal in time and lead normal lives. Nyala was particularly grateful for what your people had done for them and she wished you a long and fulfilling life, with tears in her eyes.

The travel back home was silent. You were exhausted after the whole ordeal so you dozed off for the most part of the journey, waking up several times when bad dreams would afflict you.

And here you are, dressing yourself after a long shower. No matter how much time you spent scrubbing your body, the grime didn't seem to go away. After donning your black cargo pants and boots, you put on a white undershirt before retrieving your black surplus jacket from the chair. Then you head to the mess hall intent on finding some food in the kitchen, and sit down to munch on your meal. There's no one else around this late at night, hours before dawn, and you have the chance to peacefully mind your own businesses whilst trying to push the memories of recent events away.

"Thought I'd find you here." At the sound of his voice, you stop for a brief moment in your actions but don't turn around to have a look, wishing he'd get the hint and leave. But he seems oblivious to it, or simply ignores your taciturnity, choosing to approach and take a seat by your side. Raiden doesn't say anything for a while and you grab the glass of soda, downing half of the drink in a matter of seconds. "Your friend was worried about you."

"Shouldn't you be getting a dialysis?" you ask quietly, returning to your food without much delight. Tifa may be worried about you, but she knows you need your time to deal with all this crap yourself. Raiden doesn't seem to get it.

He sighs and brushes a hand against his hair. "Later in the morning. I can hold out for a while." Your gaze is on your plate, and you don't reply as you put forkfuls in your mouth and chew on the food, your attitude apathetic and uncaring. It's not that you don't care. You actually do, a lot, but acknowledging it would bring pain and you're not sure if you'll be able to stand it. Deep inside, your heart aches but you don't want to show it. "Are you okay?"

With a forced swallow you reply, "I'm fine."

"You don't look like it to me."

You let the knife and fork drop with a loud clatter and frown, bitterness taking over your mouth. You know where this conversation is going and you don't like it one bit. "I don't wanna talk about it. Just stop it, okay?"

What is he expecting to accomplish? You just want to be alone to fight your own demons tonight. Does he want you to tell him that you regret it, that you have remorse? The only remorse you feel is that you couldn't save the girls sooner, that they had to go through hell, and that so much time had been wasted.

"You totally lost it with that guy." He's whispering, his gaze conveying an urgent plea as you finally met his blue eyes. "What happened to you?"

"I don't have time for this," you snap as you get up and make an attempt to leave, not caring about the mess of dishes you left behind. But then he follows and grabs your shoulder, stopping you.

"Is that it? You running away? So you're one of those people that don't follow their own advice. I wonder why."

"I don't have to explain myself to you. Why don't you leave me alone?" You try to walk away again, but his hand takes hold of your arm and at this point you're losing patience.

"You wanna know why I'm so fucking worried about you?" He's irritated, you know it because he's swearing. His hand seizes you and brings you closer to him with a pull. "You scared me." His sudden confession leaves you stunned, and you're at a loss for words. It never occurred to you that you could make him feel this way. His hard expression softens with sadness and his grip on you lessens. "I never saw you like that before."

With a sigh of defeat, you look away. "I'm sorry I'm not the innocent lamb you thought I was."

"It's not that." Raiden shakes his head, concern written all over his face. "I'm no one to condemn your actions, because I'm not perfect either. But I'll tell you I was scared because I realized that I spent all this time feeling sorry for myself when you tried to be strong." At his words you gulp with difficulty when you sense the knot form in your throat. "And it's okay, you don't have to be tonight."

Gritting your teeth, you desperately try to hold back the tears but you can't and they fall. It's so humiliating for you and you don't want him to see, don't want him to realize just how vulnerable you can be.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I just... the way he was hurting that poor girl—"

He gently brings you closer to him, making hushing sounds as you bury your face on his chest. "It's fine. I understand."

"I want to forget." Your arms wrap around his neck and you hold onto him for dear life. All this time you've been with him, you've tried to pretend nothing could get to you but not anymore. All the times you comforted him when he was lonely and scared, when the ghosts of the past wouldn't leave him alone, you were there to soothe him and tell him everything was going to be okay— that he was safe. But this time you wanted to cry and be held for a change. "I'm scared."

"I'm here." He mumbles against your hair, his hand rubbing your back. He's warm and comforting as he holds you tightly, your bodies molding against each other. He's real and he's with you.

At that moment you realize you never want to let go, but you'll have to.

* * *

You start making preparations for your departure. You've kept the device Matka Pluku has given you some time ago in a secure place and have told no one about it. Not even Tifa, and certainly not Raiden. While he seems intent on getting some answers from you, there's nothing you can do but avoid the subject saying it's nothing important and that he shouldn't worry too much. It's clear that he has a hunch something's going on and he wants to know.

It makes you feel bad to hide things from him but it can't be helped. You wish you could find some more time to talk to him, as a way to say goodbye, but there never seems to be the proper occasion with both of you absorbed in your obligations. Besides, he's been away on a mission for some time although he should be back by now. You didn't have time to verify, since Tifa has kept you entertained for a while in the mess hall with dinner. In the end you finally decide to call it a night and retire to your bedroom. However, you go back to your office to check on a few things before going to sleep.

The air has gotten much colder and snow falls in the mountains. You huddle in your jacket and search for the keys in your pocket, in case you've forgotten them. They jiggle and you continue on your way, treading on the road and meeting soldiers that greet you as they pass by. One of them catches your attention, however, and as you approach the figure you recognize their shaggy pale hair. He hasn't seen you yet and when he starts walking away you call his name.

Raiden stops, meeting your gaze for the first time, and looks a bit surprised. "(Name)."

"I thought you'd be back by now. It's good to see you." A meeting like this after more than a week may not seem like much to other people, but for you it meant a lot. Especially in a line of work where you don't know if there'll be a next time you'll see your friends. "Are you okay?"

Even if he's stronger than the average soldier, you still worry he may get hurt one of these days.

"I'm fine," he replies, and you can't help but notice he sounds particularly withdrawn tonight. Raiden seems to do so, too, and with a slight shake of his head he gives you a sad smile. "Eh, where were you going?"

"Um, I was heading to my office." You shrug and scratch your nape, feeling sheepish when he eyes you with confusion.

"Got work to do?"

"Not really. Just wanted to go through some stuff before heading off to bed. Actually, it wasn't anything important but I came here with the feeling I'd see you." It's a cheap excuse, you know it, but what else can you tell him? Either way, you're speaking the truth in a way since you'd hoped to find him. "I can go to sleep in peace, at long last."

"You worry too much, sometimes." Crossing his arms, he laughs under his breath and you roll your eyes at his statement.

"Well, if you don't want me to then I'll stop. It's not like I don't have better things to do."

"No, I don't mind. It's kind of cute, you know." His gaze is on the ground but there's an aura of coyness to him, as one of the corner of his lips rises in a half-smile. For a moment you're taken aback at his remark but, after a while, you warm up to him and start to laugh, amused at the fact he thinks that way about you. Who would have thought?

He's just pulling your leg and you're aware of it. You decide to return to your quarters, then, and turn around before waving for him to follow. There'll be time for your arrangements later, you think as you and Raiden settle down for a walk under the dark sky and the falling snow. "Right, now let's get going. I don't know if you've realized but I'm freezing my ass."

"Always so charming, aren't you?"

His mocking observation elicits a chuckle from you, and you punch his arm with playfulness. "You're a jerk."

"Well, that makes two of us then."

His eyes are shining this time, and you can't help but feel contentment as he walks by your side. Even when the shadows of the past still trail behind the both of you, there's something that tells you that in the end maybe not everything is lost. He stirs some strange feelings in your heart, when he smiles, when he touches you, or when you hear his voice. They're emotions you thought you've buried long ago— emotions you thought couldn't affect you anymore. It scares you in a way, because you don't know what the future holds in store for you, and you don't wish to make promises you won't keep.

But you'll make the most of your time with him.

* * *

A few days later, you check the files on the flash drive for a second time and make backups. Indeed, there's some sensitive intel concerning EVA's plans to dismantle The Patriots and the PLA's true role in her scheme. While you were none too happy with her decision, you know she's right as there's no other way to infiltrate without providing legitimate information to convince them of your loyalty. The ultimate goal is to gain their trust and you won't accomplish that by feeding them lies.

Still, you can't help but think you're betraying your comrades, although that was what you were meant to do. Once you defect, they'll be forced to flee from the Carpathian Mountains and go into hiding, too. They'll be hunted in an effort to get a hold of EVA and eliminate her. It's not something you really look forward to, but you know it needs to be done and it's up to you to see that everything goes according to plan.

She's counting on you.

Your body feels cold as you blow warm breath on your hands and rub them. It's gotten freezing all of a sudden and you get up to verify the window is closed properly. Once you see there's nothing wrong with it, you turn to your desk and grab the mug of coffee to take a sip. As soon as the liquid makes contact with your tongue, you withdraw the mug from your mouth and grimace before swallowing. The drink is gelid and you can't be bothered to finish it, so you put it back on the desk while praying that the electric wall heater still works.

It does, fortunately. While waiting for the room to warm up, you decide it would be a good chance to go and make some more coffee. But as you're about to return to your computer and close all the files you've been reading, there's a soft knock on the door. You can't help but frown at the unexpected and unknown visitor. It's late in the night and you wonder who can it be.

"Who is it?" you call with wariness. There's some shifting on the other side, and a sigh follows before you get a reply.

"It's me."

Your face lights up in recognition at the voice, and then you're rushing to your laptop. "Give me a second." Your voice is calm although you feel a bit nervous at the idea you may be caught sooner than expected. Making short work, you disconnect the flash drive and stash it in a drawer before lowering the display. When you open the door, you see him standing with a thermal mug and a brown paper bag in one of his arms. "Hey there."

"Though you might want a late snack." He pushes the items into your hands and turns around, leaving you stunned for a few seconds as he starts to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"Bed." The answer is straightforward and you're surprised at his unusual behavior.

"Won't you hang around for a while?" At least you'd like to spend some time with him. He's been acting a bit strange these days. Your request is enough to bring his attention towards you again and, after a moment's thought, he complies though you sense the discomfort in him. He approaches and you let him inside your office, closing the door quietly. "What a great timing you have. I was about to go get some food myself." You open the paper bag and see he's brought some  _trdelniks_  and  _kolaches_ , which were some popular pastries in the region. "Wow, these look good," you chirp as you seize the mug and remove its lid. The sight and smell of hot, steamy, coffee brings a big smile to your lips. "You spoil me too much, Jack. Thank you."

It's a shame you can't share with him. Even if he wanted to, his body is not designed to process food. The fact he has to undergo routine dialysis just to get rid of impurities in his blood says a lot. Hopefully things will change in the future and there will be a chance for him to lead a more normal life. That's your wish, at least.

As you much on your food, you notice he's too quiet for your liking. "Is something wrong?" He shakes his head and, at his lack of further reaction, you press for more answers. "Jack, I can tell from a mile that something's bothering you."

He takes a deep breath and exhales with agonizing slowness. It feels as if he's trying to find the words to voice his concern, and you let him take his time. "All this got me thinking, you know."

"This...  _what_?"

"Everything..." He's so vague with his answers it only makes you more confused. There's frustration on his face, too, and he avoids your eyes by staring at the wall. "Have you ever thought about rebuilding your life again? Despite your past experiences, do you still hold that hope?"

You lie back on your chair and frown, licking your lips in thought. "Maybe. I don't know where I'll be in ten years from on now, so I entertain some ideas every now and then."

"And what do you see in your future?"

His question earns him a shrug from you. "Well, I don't ask for too much. I'd like to have my own house, a boring job, a pet."

"Kids?"

That's something you don't expect and your heart skips a beat at the direction the conversation is taking. He grows uncomfortable, too, so he begins to apologize when you stop him with a shake of your head. "Oh, I could always adopt. You know, there are many children without families out there so that shouldn't be a problem. What won't be easy is to find someone to have a common life with..."

"But if you found that person and, say, they also had a story of their own... if they also couldn't give you something because they're unable to, would you understand?"

Arching an eyebrow, you give him a lopsided smile. "What's with all the questions tonight?"

"Just... answer me." He's uneasy, somehow, as he tries to appear smaller in his chair although without much success.

"And can I ask what would that something be?" At your question he fidgets and goes pale, grunting and mumbling incomprehensible words. There's something in his eyes that speaks of shame and doubt and then you understand what he means. " _Oh_ , I see. You're scared that no one will want to be with you because of...your cyborg body?" Disheartened, he nods, and you take a deep breath to gather your thoughts. "I can only speak for myself but, personally, I wouldn't care. To be honest, sex wasn't something I enjoyed much to begin with." You laugh for a second or two, in an attempt to lighten up the mood, before you look down with sadness. "Such a thing shouldn't be the only basis of a healthy relationship, does it? And I'm sure there are people that think like me out there. Even we have a chance to start again once this is over."

You need to believe it's true. Even when the idea of him with someone else leaves you unsettled, you wish the best for him.

"(Name), I..." He begins, his voice hoarse as he places a hand on the desk and leans closer to you. His blue gaze is a mixture of warmth and yearning but also fear and doubt. The suddenness of his actions startles you and your mouth opens in surprise, your voice lost as your breath catches in your throat.

Why do you feel this way when he looks at you, like you mean so much to him? No one has ever done that before. You know it's wrong but you want it, you want to hear those words. "Y-yes?"

But then embarrassment takes over and he doesn't know what to say. Raiden only shakes his head and stands up, looking as if he's horrified at his own thoughts. "Sorry, I should get going now. See you in the morning."

One moment he's with you and the next he's gone without another word. Deep down, you know it's for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	6. No Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking forever to update. I suppose I procrastinated a bit longer than necessary but I finally got back to this. I'm trying to catch up and finish this already because it’s been over three months and I only have like six chapters done. The rest is a rough draft, but needs some work.
> 
> From this point on I’m going to try and get to the events of MGS4. I know some people will think I’m rushing but, seriously, this story needs to reach a closure otherwise it’s going to become stale.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetated work. Implied rape. Mentions of suicide.

**Chapter V:** _"No Future"_

You train with Tifa that evening, just like old times. There's always the factor of fun when she's around, but she plays dirty so you have to keep an eye open for any tricks. She's unforgiving and more often than not tries to get you to surrender, which you never do. Other than that, in terms of hand-to-hand combat you're equally matched, and you don't spend half of your training on the floor– as it is the case when you spar with Raiden. There's not much you can do when contending with him other than hope you won't get your ass kicked. It's pretty hard to be on par with his strength and agility, since his cyborg body gives him an advantage over you. Even if he always teases you about it, you always come back for more.

Maybe you just like having him on top of you, when he pushes you against the floor.

By the time you and Tifa finish an intense workout session, you're covered in sweat and have to wait to cool off before heading for the showers. She's been a real piece of work, but that only adds to the excitement of the challenge. Tifa never goes easy on you, and neither do you give her a break, until the two of you are out of breath.

After doing some stretching, you slump on a bench and drink water from a bottle. Every muscle in your body aches pleasantly and you sigh with satisfaction. Your breathing gets back to normal every second and you almost can't wait for the warm shower that will follow. Then you'll have a good meal and maybe a nap until night falls.

It's then that she interrupts your daydream, throwing a towel at your face. "You know, I had no idea you got married while I was away."

Her comment earns a confused look from you, before you take the cloth in your hands to wipe your face. "What are you talking about?"

Your friend shrugs and looks away, rolling her gray eyes. "I'm talking about that Raiden guy."

She doesn't sound very fond of him, that much you can tell, and you have to wonder why. The implication in her words makes you uneasy, however. You didn't think you've given any hint of interest for her to think that way about your relationship with him. "Did I hit you too hard? What makes you think that?"

"Well, one would think you're a married couple with the way you act around each other."

Frowning, you regard her with an impatient look that she ignores. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you spend a lot of time together like two lovebirds." Her voice comes off a little irritated and you can't help but find her reaction amusing. Is she implying what you think she is?

"Are you jealous of him?" You raise your eyebrows with a smirk and her eyes widen in disbelief.

"Don't be silly. As if! What I mean to say is that if my best friend is with someone, I'd like to know. I don't appreciate that you keep it a secret from me."

"I'm not hiding anything," you say, even though you know it's not true. But what else can you do? It's not something that you can share so openly, despite the trust you have in her. There are far more important matters at stake, and your love life isn't precisely one of them. "Why would I be, in any case?"

"Who knows?" She huffs and shakes her head, throwing her bottle of water in her gym bag. "Look, I'm sorry. I understand it may not be any of my business. I'm just saying you should be careful. It won't do any good that you get too close to him."

Well, it's a little too late for that now. "Why are you so worried about that?"

"Because for starters he's under your command, just like many others. What would they think if you gave him special treatment? They'll start talking, say that he's your beau or something. There's a reason why we don't allow them to fraternize. It affects the dynamic in the group. They look up to you and you can't let them get the wrong idea with this guy."

"You're making a big deal over nothing." Even though she's right you won't admit your mistake, because it would mean admitting your feelings for him.

Tifa pauses for a moment, as though wondering if she should say anything at all, but then shakes her head and sighs in defeat. "You know what truly worries me? I see he likes you. Maybe you don't realize but I do, and as you friend I feel it's my duty to open your eyes. You need to remember that in the position we are, there's no place for distractions–"

"I know why I'm here. I haven't forgotten." You get up and begin to gather your things, not wanting to hear any more of it. If she's going to question your decisions, then you know this isn't going to end well. As you fetch your bag, she says something that has you stopping in your tracks.

"I saw him when he went looking for you the night we returned from Africa. I was trying to find you because I wanted to check if you were okay, and you were holding each other in a rather affectionate way. I don't really know what's going on between you two, but this relationship is making you vulnerable. That's not the mental state I need you in."

"Look, this isn't the place to talk about this." The truth is you fear someone may overhear this conversation. You gather your things and turn around, intent of walking away, but she holds you back.

"I'm telling you to stop being friends with him, but don't lead him on. Don't give him hopes where there is none. I just don't want you to get hurt. Please, don't make the same mistake you did with Zain. You opened up your heart to him and–"

The mention of your former lover makes you snap at her, and you take her hand off of your shoulder. Your reaction surprises her and she takes a step back, looking confused and hurt.

"Zain has nothing to do with this, and Jack's not him!" You're not sure why it angers you that she compares him to Raiden. Perhaps, deep down you're scared of being hurt again. Maybe you fear to find out she's right.

"You'll never live a normal life with him, if that's what you're hoping for. He's not even human."

"Don't talk about him as if you knew him." Your voice comes off as a hiss, and you narrow your eyes at her. She has some never telling you this. "You have no right to talk about him like that because you have no idea of the shit he's gone through. I do, and he's not what you think. He may be a machine in your eyes but his heart is human, and that's all I care about. You're my friend and I respect you, but what I do with him is none of your business."

Tifa's eyes are steely, and her face is hard as stone just like yours. "Very well, then. You're an adult and know what you're doing, but don't tell me I didn't warn you."

* * *

It doesn't matter what Tifa thinks; you still want to see Raiden. So what if what she said is true? You aren't hurting anyone. What's so wrong about enjoying each other's company? No, you don't care what she says because either way there's no chance for you. He doesn't say it, but you have the feeling Raiden hasn't forgotten Rosemary. It's evident in the way he refuses to talk about her. There's only one explanation you can think of and it's because the wound she left still hurts. If it hasn't healed that means he's still in love with her.

Even if he was ready to let go of her, you can't afford being with him. Such a thing would be too selfish to do.

You sigh as you get ready to leave your office. What is he doing to you? This isn't like you, at all, being wistful over love, but as of late you can't get him out of your head. There's something that pulls you to him, and you don't know why you can't get away. Even when you met him for the first time, you hadn't been so taken with him. He was just a man who you needed to help infiltrate Area 51 and save a child from The Patriots. Yes, you thought he was a very attractive back then— you still do— and that's something you won't deny. Despite that, good looks hadn't meant much to you and you didn't give it much thought after he was gone to find the remains of Big Boss.

But then he was captured and subjected to all kinds of horrors. He still doesn't want to talk about it— doesn't want to remember the pain of what they did to him, just like you don't want to think of what was done to you. Raiden and you shared common pasts, dealt with demons that still haunted you, and as you grew close you entrusted your lives to each other. You learned to find solace together. Despite all the scars he bore, his humanity had survived. He refused to let go of it and looked into the future with hope, albeit fearful of what it had in store for him. After all this time together, you've grown fond of him— much more than it's safe to admit. Perhaps, if things had been different, there would have been a chance for you to confess what you feel but that's wishful thinking.

That's not the point, at any rate.

You turn off the lights and lock the room, before pocketing the key. The weather outside is still cold so you've donned your jacket and scarf, walking with hurried steps as the wind blows chilly against your face. It takes a while but you reach your bedroom and decide to rest. As you undress, you're scared of the nightmares that will haunt you tonight. It's hard to tell how long you've been lying there but at some point you believe you can hear voices, the screams of the past that never die. In the darkness, all your fears take form and you feel the weight on your chest that's about to suffocate you. It's like all four walls are closing in on you and you're going to be crushed.

When you close your eyes you see their faces, hear their cruel laughter, and feel the pain in your body. When you close your eyes you're terrified you won't wake up from the nightmare, that you'll end up trapped with no hope of escape. Horror is crawling on your skin, paralyzing you, and you're desperate to find a way out of this madness. You want the torture to stop; you want to find peace— a safe haven. But your voice is lost when you try to scream, as dirty hands defile you, and you realize no one's coming to save you. You know you'll die here just like many others before you.

An eternity seems to pass before the world of terror fades away and you're in your bedroom again. Slowly, you move until you're sitting up. It's a feat trying to move when your limbs are numb but, after a while, you manage to do it. Brushing a hand against your face, you wipe a few droplets of cold sweat.

Your phone reads four in the morning and then you know you won't be getting any more sleep. It's not something that you mind much, for you're already used to that and can live on a few hours of slumber. Dressing again, you intend to get some black coffee and perhaps watch some TV for a while as your sleepiness goes away. However, as you reach the briefing room with your drink, knowing there will be no one this early in the morning, you come across some unexpected company. The LCD TV is on and its bright screen is the only thing that sheds light on the room. You recognize the wide shoulders and the blonde hair that gleams. Someone must have been taking good care of it, you smile at the thought while approaching him in silence. It's not enough, for he knows of your presence before you can surprise him and turns around with a frown.

"Morning," you greet as you sit on the chair by his side, placing the mug on the table.

"Good morning," he says, eyeing you out of the corner of his eye before he adds, "you look terrible."

"Always so charming. If I'd known I would find you here I would've taken the time to get pretty." Drinking from your coffee, you get comfortable and yawn a bit afterwards.

He clears his throat. "Sorry, I mean... I take it you can't sleep."

"No." Crossing your legs, you slump on the chair and nod at the screen. As concerned as he may be, you don't wish to tell him about your problems to sleep. "Where did you get that movie?" You see a woman dressed in a yellow track suit, faced against a bunch of men wielding only a katana. Despite the almost comical gore, you find the whole thing amusing in some bizarre way as blood sprays everywhere. You must have some morbid humor, in that case, but it's just a movie... not the real thing.

"Some guy lent me the disk. I was watching it the other and I wanted to finish today."

"Is it any good?"

"Well, it keeps you entertained." He doesn't say anything else but you see the shadow in his gaze. There's something strange you can't quite understand, as images of slaughter reflect in his pale eyes and he's lost in them. However, he seems to wake up from a daze and sighs, looking away. It makes you wonder if he's recalled something of his past. They made him do horrible things, he told you once, and it's not something he's too keen on sharing although you know about it.

You know of his past as Jack the Ripper, a devil that showed no mercy to his enemies. He was like you, an innocent soul turned into a savage beast. But both of you had survived and fought against that brutal nature to save whatever trace of humanity still remained. Despite all the sorrow and pain, it's comforting that you could find a way to mend your mistakes. There's a long way ahead but you trust that someday you'll be at peace with yourself, although that seems far away. It gives you a reason to keep living, though, and so you hold onto it.

"You okay?" His voice interrupts your train of thought and you meet his dubious gaze. Perhaps he just finds it strange that you're so silent this morning, since you're more of the talkative type.

"Yea, I was just thinking... I realize I never asked you why Raiden?"

"Excuse me?" He's confused as to what you mean, and the movie is forgotten when he focuses his attention on you.

"Why the codename Raiden? You never told me."

"You never asked." He sighs, as he puts a hand on the table and begins to fiddle with his claws. "Have you heard of the Japanese fighter Raiden in World War II? It was a series of Mitsubishi J2M fighters." Shaking your head, you tell him that you haven't or that you probably did but don't remember at the moment. "The Allies called them Jack. Seeing as that's my name, I guess it was fitting that I had the codename of Raiden."

"I see. It sounds cool, if you ask me."

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, right. Then why don't you call me that?"

You shrug and cross your arms. "I wouldn't want you to call me Specter the whole time, now would I?"

"So, do I get to know the story behind that?" He arches an eyebrow and one of the corners of his lips lifts in a lopsided smile.

"Ah, you know, that's probably because I'm so ugly people are horrified when they see me." You chuckle and shake your head, looking back to the screen.

"Uh, you're very funny... but really, why?"

Your gaze is on the floor as you lick your lips. It takes you a moment before you can speak again, because you're not sure if you should tell him. You're having a good time and you don't want to kill the mood. Still, he wants to know and you feel it's only fair that you share.

"I guess it's because I could be invisible in the battlefield when I wanted to be. As a sniper, you have to rely on the ability to remain unseen to fight another day. Or maybe it was all that remained of me at the time. Either way, I'm not sure when they started calling me that." You drum your fingers on the side of the mug and smile. "You want to know something? I didn't really want to be here, not at the beginning. Tifa brought me because... she found me just in time before I did a stupid thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're alone in your apartment, thinking life isn't worth living, and you have a gun with your reach. What do you think happens?"

"I'm sorry. I had no idea," he mutters with shame, averting his gaze from you, and you shake your head.

"It's okay. It doesn't hurt to talk about it, not anymore. I know I'll never get my old life back but this is my home now, and these people are my family."

Contrary to what Tifa would believe, it wasn't because of Zain. He had hurt you, yes, but you didn't want to leave because he decided your relationship wasn't working anymore. It was a fucking mess, you admitted it, and you were hurting each other more the longer you stayed together. There was no future for you and him, and it was no use to keep trying when there would be nothing but disappointment in the end. It wasn't for him. It was for you, hoping to put an end to the misery that had haunted you for so long.

No matter how hard you tried, you would never fit in this world and it made you angry at yourself because you couldn't understand why all of this had happened. You were angry because you couldn't forget; you couldn't find a reason to keep going. Grief and despair had taken root in your heart, and fear tormented you with hallucinations that never went away. And then you realized there was nothing for you here, nothing worth living for.

Until you met Matka Pluku.

"I'm glad you're here." He still isn't looking at you but you can hear the smile in his voice, and you smile as you place a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, don't get all emotional on me now." At your words, his body shakes with laughter and then he's giving you a hopeful look. It warms your heart to hear him say that, and you can't help but squeeze his shoulder with affection. "I'm glad you're here, too."

You watch the rest of the movie in silence. This time it's the showdown between the main character and a Japanese woman dressed in a white kimono. Raiden and you are totally engrossed in the moment and you have to admit there's beauty in the way two people wield samurai swords. It's something you have noticed when Raiden asked you to help him train with his HF blade, although you'll never have his grace or skill.

The villainess speaks what you think are her last words, and then comes the killing blow before she slowly falls to the ground covered in snow. And by the time it's over, it makes you feel almost disappointed when the credits roll.

That's definitely one movie you need to watch one of these days. As for now, it's almost five in the morning and you have to go back to your routine. Drinking the last of your lukewarm coffee, you begin to get up when he calls for you. Not long after that, Raiden stands tall before you and you arch an eyebrow, wearing a playful smile.

"Oh, are you going to miss me?"

"I..." He stops himself, flustered and unsure, but his eyes never leave yours. A moment passes and you grow confused at his silence, wondering what could be wrong.

There's turmoil in him, you can sense it, and so you reach for his arm but then he does something you're not expecting. His hands are on either side of your face, and he's careful not to graze your skin with his claws. Raiden steps closer and you take a sharp breath. At that moment your heart starts pounding in your chest and a voice inside your head screams for you to stop him, but you're powerless to do anything. You understand that all you have to do is turn around and walk away, yet your body doesn't want to go anywhere.

There's nothing you can do but stare into those eyes of his, so full fear and hope, as his face draws closer to yours. He stops for a moment, a few inches away, testing his boundaries but you can't react— don't want to. So you close your eyes, and hold onto his forearms, his heavy breathing against your skin as his nose touches your skin.

He kisses you and you can't quite understand what's happening until you're backed against the table behind. Scared of falling down, your arms go around his neck swiftly and his wrap around your waist bringing you close to him. His hold is firm much like yours, and it feels as though both of you are desperate to give in.

This shouldn't be happening, but you're responding to the kiss all the same. It's a marvelous feeling the one that overwhelms you, when his lips mold against yours with urgency and need. The contrast of human flesh and synthetic material is hard to miss, but he's warmer and softer than you expected. At some point, he wants to part but you don't let him go. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair, Raiden hums against your mouth with a mix of pain and relief, and you fear that your emotions will consume you— that you'll lose yourself and never return.

For a moment you start to believe that the rest of the world doesn't matter— that nothing else matters but here and now. You start to believe that you can build a life with him, that you can be happy together someplace faraway. This vision makes you want to cry, as it finally sinks into your mind that he feels the same for you. Or maybe not quite the same, but he still feels something and that's enough.

But as you finally let go of him to breathe, you realize the extent of your mistake– the absurdity of your wishes. You're doing wrong to him; you've hurt him with a promise of something you can't give. No matter how much it pains you to do it, you have to relinquish your dreams because people are counting on you and the mission you have is bigger than you and him. You can't back out now because then all would have been for nothing. If this was the price to pay for just a moment of happiness, you preferred ending everything now than risking his life for your selfishness.

Hopefully, he'll forgive you one day.

Your hands travel to his breastplates as you look down with a heavy heart. "(Name)," he calls, holding your arms with gentleness. "What's wrong?"

A knot forms in your throat and it's difficult to find your voice, but with all the strength you can muster you speak. " _This_  is wrong."

"Why are you saying that?" There's disbelief in his words and you feel his fingers grip you harder, although not enough to hurt you. It's not going to be easy to tell him but you have to do it, put a barrier between you and him so this wouldn't happen ever again.

"You don't know the implications if we get involved like this. I can't give you what you want. It's not in my power to do so. My life is the battlefield. There's nothing I can offer."

He shakes his head and wraps his arms around you, pressing you against his chest. "You've given me so much, can't you see? You breathed life in me when I was dead inside." His nose buries in your hair and you close your eyes, unable to bear the ache in your heart. You want to embrace him too, but reciprocating would only make matters worse. "I thought my life was over. I thought I'd never feel like this again and then you came along."

Is he just trying to replace her? The thought breaks your heart and you get out of his arms. "You... you're just confused because I've been with you for a long time."

Raiden is bewildered and unable to reply for a while. It seems your statement has struck him hard, but then his brow furrows and his teeth grit. "I  _know_  what I feel."

There's hurt and disappointment in his voice, even as he tries to keep his cool. Still, somehow you feel this is the calm that precedes the storm.

"We have no future together."

"How can you be sure if we don't even try?" His voice is rising and his blue eyes are on fire but, as soon as he starts losing control of his emotions, he collects himself. "I don't care about your past, what you  _did_  before, what you  _were_  before, and you don't care about mine." Care about what he was? What he was forced to become? Of how many he hurt, like you? Of course you don't because he's someone different now. You are different, even though the demon still dwells inside and torments you every day of your lives. "We can start a new life together. We can leave it all behind, the two of us. When this is over—"

His promises are so tempting but you can't accept what he offers.

"I can't do that." The more you refuse to acknowledge his feelings, the longer the distance between you and him grows. Pain is on his features as he steps away and you want to reach out and hold him, tell him that you're sorry, but that won't change a thing.

"Can't or won't?"

"Jack—"

"Tell me!" He demands but you say nothing, and then he avoids your gaze. You know he's angry. He feels betrayed and it hurts to lie but there's no other choice for you. When he turns around and starts walking away, you try to stop him even though you don't know what to say. The only thing that comes to mind is an apology that he doesn't take too well.

"Don't leave like this."

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry if I got confused. I supposedly don't know what I want anymore, just like you can't seem to make up your mind. Was I some kind of pastime for you?"

"No," you whisper with a cracked voice. "That's not true. I would never do something like—"

"Then what's holding you back? Is it this?" He points at his body with disgust. "My inhuman appearance? You once told me you didn't care about it. So what happened? Were you just sputtering lies to me all this time?"

Yes, you lied but not in the way he thinks. Still, you won't convince him to believe you. It's a truth that only time will reveal, and he'll realize that you had your reasons to do what you're doing now. Swallowing your misery, you met his gaze with serious intent and harden your heart.

"I was a friend to you and I gave you everything I had. I'm sorry that you think this way, and I'm sorry that we don't share the same priorities," you begin, carefully choosing your words. "You're under my command. What do you expect me to do? Start a relationship with you here? Look around you. Do you think love is something that can bloom in a place like this?" You laugh under your breath with bitterness. "Wake up to reality, Jack. We're soldiers, the children of war. We live by the battlefield, because that is our place and it will be until we finish this. That's all the future we have. We don't know where we'll be tomorrow, or if we'll be here at all." Pausing, you take a breath and shake your head. "War has destroyed my life and now I have a chance to stop this, so that others won't fall victims to the same fate. I have a mission to accomplish here. What about you? What drives you?"

He's horrified, as though he can't believe you would say such things. It's better this way, even if he hates you. Still, you can't bear to see him in this state so you turn away, wondering if you'll be strong enough to pass this test. For once, you doubt your willpower.

After a while, he finally reacts and all hope he had seems to have vanished completely. It's as if he has come to terms with a painful truth and he knows there's no going back. "You're right. We have no future."

His footsteps head for the door and then he's gone with the cold wind. When you're alone, you collapse on the seat and bury your fingers in your scalp, drawing a long weary sigh that threatens to turn into sobbing. The mug by your side flies in the air and smashes against the wall, shattering in several pieces with a sharp clatter.

What have you done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I felt the need to mention that Raiden still doesn’t have the visor or the Solid Eye-like devices that we see in MGS4. Would it seem stupid if I say that he acquired them later, by the time MGS4 takes place? The way I see it, when Reader and the PLA rescued him from Area 51 he was a test subject that still hadn’t been equipped with those technologies. I should have clarified that earlier, I suppose. Either way, umm… I guess it’s artistic license._
> 
> _Comments are appreciated. Thank you for taking the time._
> 
> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	7. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Phantom Pain is out today? I wish I could have my own copy but my PC is really old and I don't know when I'll buy a new one *cries*. 
> 
> Anyways, another chapter in three-four days? Well, yes, I’m trying to advance with the story as fast as I can because it’s been almost four months since I started this. It’s about time I do it. 
> 
> Sorry if it's extremely rushed. I tried my best to keep the flow of the story but there came I point in which I just want to finish this— as you might have noticed with previous chapters. Of course there’s more to come, but I don’t want to keep delaying the end. This was meant to be a simple fic that shouldn’t have taken me this long to write. Also, I am aware there are details I missed about the story of Metal Gear but I swear it’s difficult for me to keep track of everything and there are things I forget so, again, my apologies.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetated work. Lazy writing. English is not my first language. Angst.

**Chapter VI:** _"Return"_

Infiltrate The Patriots and help Raiden retrieve the body of Big Boss– that was your objective. EVA's contacts had been helpful in your mission, but it had taken effort and time to get where she wanted you to be. Despite the odds, you succeeded and made acquaintance with a colonel of the US Army during a private celebration. The man seemed to enjoy the company of women much younger than him so it wasn't difficult to get his attention. Plus, he was interested in monitoring the activity of certain PMCs that weren't inside the SOP system, as well as the clients that hired them.

Not being a part of the system was one of the factors that devalued the PLA. Many clients from first world countries preferred to hire soldiers enhanced with nanomachines, since they guaranteed effectiveness. The jobs the PLA got were mainly from third world countries, or other employees that couldn't quite afford to pay for more expensive and sophisticated PMCs. This wasn't to say that you were cheap but you were more affordable than most companies in the market.

The man had shown great interest in recruiting you, once you gave him intel concerning EVA and her intentions to destroy The Patriots system. One of the founding members, she had betrayed the organization and sought to terminate it. For so many years she had escaped from them but then you arrived, delivering her head on a silver plate as she requested. Your handler was more than pleased and, as soon as you made your move, you knew there was no turning back. You didn't know if you would ever return to her, if you would ever see Raiden again, but whatever the outcome was you couldn't die without finishing your mission.

You left the next day after your argument with Raiden, knowing it was futile to try and reason with him and that your time was up. There were no goodbyes, nothing, and while you regretted the fact you couldn't fix things between you and him you knew it was easier this way. You hadn't even reconciled your differences with Tifa, but it was alright. If she had know the true reason why you were leaving she would have insisted in following, otherwise, and you couldn't have that.

It wouldn't be long before the PLA connected your disappearance with the blow of their cover, however. They would have to leave the Carpathian Mountains and you made sure that they would find the truth in time, even if that meant looking like a traitor in their eyes. That was your purpose, was it not? Once your loyalty to your new masters was accepted, you were no longer a member of the PLA but a pawn of The Patriots– or so they liked to believe.

It had been some time since you left, and the first part of the plan was a success. For the second part, you were faced with the challenge of gathering intel concerning the installations where the body of Big Boss was kept. You were inside the organization, but your job wasn't supposed to be any easier because of that. On the contrary, you had to be more careful than ever and remain unseen– a specter in the scheme of things. You also needed to assess the situation and plan a course of action that would help the PLA infiltrate. It had to be foolproof because you only had one shot at this. If you or your comrades failed, it was all over.

You had to commit everything to memory, even to the last detail, since you couldn't risk leaving traces of your reconnaissance behind. There was also the problem of time, a luxury you didn't have, because sooner or later they would learn of your true intentions– that you were actually acting on behalf of EVA, the very woman they wanted dead. They would also start suspecting when they never found her, and you were running out of excuses as time passed. It was a relief to know she was still alive, at least, but it shouldn't have been much of a surprise when you had intentionally omitted the part that she was hiding in a church in Prague. Every once in a while, you thought about the reaction of your comrades at your apparent betrayal and how much they must have insisted for EVA to leave that place, only for her to flat out refuse.

It wouldn't be easy to return to her. The first moment you appeared before those doors you would be received with the barrel of a gun aimed to your head, if they felt like being kind to you— but you had to deliver your report, either way. You planned to do that once you left the States and then you would disappear for an indefinite period of time. Until it was safe to return, or until The Patriots were focused on other pressing matters and forgot about you, you would stay away from the PLA.

That wouldn't be difficult, with the threat of a man known as Liquid Ocelot on the run— a danger you had to keep an eye on since he wanted EVA dead, too. Everything seemed to indicate that Ocelot– another founding member of The Patriots– had been possessed by Liquid Snake, somehow. The Patriots were worried, for he had brought the five largest PMCs in the world under his command, and their power was on par with the entire US military forces. He definitely was up to something but his intentions were still unclear to you– presumably he wanted to control the system. If he wanted to do that, he would need Big Boss's body so you had to get to it before he did.

Once your mission was complete, you would leave everything in Raiden's hands because you trusted him to do it. He was the last hope you and EVA had.

So you leave in secret, although you're certain your departure won't go unnoticed for too long. Changing your hair and eye color, you adopt a new name and board a flight to Slovenia before they have the chance to pick up your trail. Despite your initial concerns, the travel is uneventful and you reach your destination. When you arrive, you change your identity once more and buy a ticket to the Czech Republic, where you'll drop your report to EVA. Until then, you rent a room and focus on writing down all the intel you've collected for the PLA. To support your claims, you include a memory card with pictures you've taken and files you've managed to acquire. It's all really extensive, meticulous, work and by the time you're finished your hand hurts. However, your handwriting is something she will recognize and trust, aside from the coffee stains of course.

As you lie in bed one night, and look at the sky from your window, you can't help but feel the tiredness overwhelming your body and mind. You know you should get some rest, but there's so much going on that you don't feel comfortable or safe enough to do it. Also, you go through your recollections over and over again fearing you've forgotten something vital. Every once in a while Raiden's face appears, and you wonder what has become of him. Does he hate you for what you've done? He must think you're the worst for siding with those that have ripped his body and soul apart, but you don't blame him.

You wish you can tell him the truth one day, that he can forgive you for hurting him. Slowly, the tips of your fingers trace your lips and you remember his kiss. Despite all the regrets, the memory of it makes you smile and shudder. Short-lived as it was, you were happy in his arms. It's not only that but all those moments you spent with him which you refuse to forget, no matter how guilty you feel afterwards. Even if he hates you, you won't stop loving him.

Those unexpected thoughts shake you to the core.  _Love_? That's something you haven't considered in quite a while– weren't even planning on considering. Even your last relationship hadn't made you feel so much pain and doubt despite the bad end it met. Zain had been your hope to have a normal life that would let you erase all the bad things, but your heart was never his for the taking. You had felt fondness for him, yes, but even he could tell that you weren't his. Maybe that was one of the reasons that made him fall out of love with you, along with the burden of your past. After that experience with him, you had decided that you wouldn't try again because it was no use. There was nothing left for you other than your beliefs, a sense of purpose, and you held onto them.

Never before have you felt something like this. It's foreign, strange, these emotions that until now have remained unknown. The battlefield is something you can understand, deal with— the notion that you can die in the blink of an eye. You've come to terms with the fact that, one day, falling like a soldier will be your fate. The knowledge have always haunted you ever since you were a kid in the Bosnian war. War has not only been part of your life; it's all you've ever known. The blood, the cries, the pain, the loneliness, the loss, the despair, had been the reasons that had driven you when all else had been taken away.

Raiden has grown up in the carnage of a war, and you in the slaughter of another. You've licked each other's wounds, understood the pain of what you've gone through and, perhaps, found peace in the comfort you shared. Both of you have scars that run deep in your souls, and know the grief of innocence lost to the first blood. You've danced to the gruesome rhythm of battle, danced until your minds were in shambles and there were only nightmares and regret to keep you company.

Maybe you would have had a chance together, but you're not sure if you'll ever know.

When the sun peeks at the world from the horizon, you decide that you've transcribed everything you know and prepare the items for deliver. The memory card is stored in a card case so it won't be damaged and then you secure it on the front page with tape. Last thing you do is enveloping the report in brown paper and throw it in your backpack.

You'll leave the package and then disappear. You've put money in another account in a Swiss bank, so you should be fine for a while. Perhaps you could stay there for some time, although you don't know what will happen to you in the coming months.

When you arrive to Prague, you spend another day in a rented room before heading to Big Mama's hideout, just to make sure no one has followed. That day you're on alert as to who's on your tail or around you. While you don't want to take any risks in leading enemies to EVA, you also know that the more time you waste the more the chances of being found increased.

By nightfall you're keeping an eye on the back door of the church. It takes a while before there's any movement in this deserted place of the neighborhood but your patience pays off when one of your men approaches, carrying grocery bags in his hands. It's impossible not to smirk at the fortunate coincidence. An orphan of the War in Abkhazia in 1992, he's one of the most devoted followers of Big Mama, although not her best soldier sadly. Still, it's a given that he will deliver the package to her, or at least notify her.

Rolling the balaclava down your face, you merge with the shadows and wait for the right moment to attack. As he walks right past you, whistling some funny tune, the man is oblivious to the fact you're close by. When he's too busy fussing with the bags, you approach from behind and hold your gun to his head.

"Don't. Move." In a moment he freezes. It makes you feel bad for doing this to him, and you would have liked to use a more friendly approach, but you know he won't listen any other way. The PLA sees you as a traitor, so they will shoot first and ask questions later. "Alert your friends and I'll blow your brains out, Iuri. Now raise your hands, slowly."

He does as you command, the bags dropping, and his voice wavers as he speaks. "What? Who... how do you know my name?"

"I'm not here to answer your questions."

"Is it you, (Name)?" He tries to turn around and look at you, but you press the barrel of the gun harder against his skull and threaten him with the sound of the safety disengaging. "Alright, I understand. Please, don't hurt me. I have kids, and I would like to see them again," Iuri pleads whilst you take the package in your other hand and put it next to his face. "W-what is it?"

"What does it look like?" At your comment he squints his eyes and sees what you've written on the brown paper.  _Matka_ _Pluku_. "You give this package to her and tell her I send my regards."

* * *

After several months in hiding, your pursuers have seemed to lost trace or interest in you. Probably something else claimed their attention, so you decide it's time to return home. You don't know what to expect; you don't know what happened with the PLA. Has Raiden been successful in his mission? Have The Patriots captured him again? Was EVA and your comrades alright? How will they react when they see you? You can't help but ponder these questions as you lounge in a café at sunset, wondering if you you should go to them or leave. Still, you want to know what has happened– you need to.

"Long time no see," a voice greets smoothly and your eyes widen as soon as you recognize it. Could it be? Setting the cup down, you look up and immediately feel your body go into a fight or flight response when you catch sight of an all too familiar face. It's Tifa, your old friend, who's standing before you with an amused expression. An instinctive movement you've developed over the years, your hand searches for the handgun beneath your jacket in case she decides to get rough without any warning. "Can I sit or are you waiting for someone else?"

"Please, do," you offer with a forced smile, feeling every muscle in your body tense with strain.

"I didn't think I'd find you here." Tifa makes herself comfortable, raising a hand to call the barista. "This is a most strange coincidence."

"Indeed.  _Coincidence_." Irony drips from your voice as you subtly place a hand under the table, ready to flip it over and onto her if needed. You're beginning to think your decision to come to this city hasn't been the wisest.

"How have you been?"

"Quite good. I can't complain."

The barista approaches, takes her order and busies himself with other customers in the place. Neither you or her say a word after that, simply look at each other without batting an eyelash. She's studying you– her gray eyes penetrating your very soul– and you're ready to deal with her if she so much tries to lay a finger on you. She might have been your friend in the past but now the situation has changed and she may not be the same person you knew. When you begin planning your escaping route, Tifa laughs as though the whole situation is hilarious. You're confused as to why she's reacted this way but don't let your guard down for a second.

Her laughter dies and she glares at you. "You think I want to kill you? Well, you wouldn't be wrong in your assumption." Tifa's remark makes you narrow your eyes, and you know you'll have to fight your way out of here. "Yes, I want to murder you at this very moment because that's the least you deserve," she begins with a matter-of-fact manner that has you gripping your handgun tighter. If it's going to be you or her, then you're sorry to do this. "But I think the reason why I want to do it is different from what you believe. What were you thinking? You disappeared like nothing, and we had no word from you in all this time. Do you have any idea of how worried I was, you idiot? Where the hell have you been?" At a loss for words, you don't understand what's going on anymore. "She told me everything, why you did what you did. (Name), I'm not your enemy and I'm not here to hurt you."

Taking a shaky breath, you lie back in your chair and your fingers become loose around the grip of your weapon. The relief that overwhelms you is so great that it's painful. "How's she?"

"She's safe and sound, waiting for your return l." There's a smile on her lips and you reciprocate with one of your own.

"Did you do it, then?"

"Yes, thanks to you we got him. He's with her, at long last. Now we're rebuilding him."

"What?"

"His body was severely injured after his confrontation with Solid Snake. She hopes that we can rebuild his body through surgery using parts from Liquid and Solidus."

This was becoming more confusing by the moment. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I lied to you about what I did all those months I was gone. I was to recover the body of Solidus and another of our comrades was tasked with retrieving Liquid's. It didn't really matter whose body we got first, because both of them would serve our purpose. You, however, got the heaviest burden and your mission was of vital importance. She's so proud of you."

The thought makes you smile the tiniest bit and you can't hold back a chuckle. "I imagine she's happy to have him with her. He hasn't woken up yet, right?"

"He won't until the system is shut down, so we need Snake to help us. He should come and see us any day now."

You nod, looking away. Despite all the good news she's given you, you haven't found the peace you seek.There's one more person you wish to know about. "How's Jack?"

She's not annoyed as you expected, only licks her lips and shrugs. "He's... fine. Can't say he took it well when you left. I didn't, either, and I just couldn't understand why you'd do something like that. But after your package arrived, and she explained everything to us, he understood. We thought you would return, but then you never came back. We started to think that they found you— that you were a goner— but here you are in one piece."

"So where is he now?" You can't wait anymore. You want to see him now that you know there's a possibility he might have forgiven you. Now that you have no more ties to The Patriots, you need to know if there's still a chance to rebuild your relationship with him. But your hopes are crushed when she tells you he's left for South America, looking for Snake in a country immersed in civil war. "Alone?"

"Yes, alone." Her coffee arrives and she pours two sachets of sugar in it. "I know you're worried but he'll be fine. Raiden can watch his own back, and he'll have Snake with him. Now let's finish this and go home. She'll be happy to know you're alive."

It seems your encounter with him will have to wait and, despite your fears, you hope he comes back to you soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So, there you have it. I didn’t expect for this update to come out so quickly c: as you can see, we’re getting to the story of MGS4. Like I mentioned before, I know I’ve forgotten some details of the story— hopefully nothing earth-shattering— so I apology. I’m literally an airhead and I forget everything._
> 
> _Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for taking the time._
> 
> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	8. Old Snake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, yas! Sorry for taking long, again. I was trying to get other stuff done so I had to leave this on standby. There’s nothing to worry about, however. I haven’t forgotten about this fic :D 
> 
> I wanted to say thanks for the comments I've gotten so far because they make my day and I’m happy that people are enjoying this. So without further ado, on with the chapter!

**Chapter VII:** _"Old Snake"_

"So I imagine it wasn't easy being on your own all this time. Hope you didn't miss me too much," Tifa jokes as she produces a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her black jacket. With a slight tap on the bottom of the box, she makes a satisfied sound when one of the roll-ups pops out and puts it between her lips. Then she offers you one, and you decide to indulge her just this once since you're in a good mood.

"Believe me, I wish I hadn't." You shake your head, laughing under your breath. It's heartening that things have turned out quite alright in the end. While some of your comrades are still dubious about you, or resent you to some extent, at least the welcome you got was encouraging on EVA's part. Fear, anger, awe, joy, were some of the reactions you evoked among your peers. Still, regardless of their thoughts about you, they still were under your command– whether they liked it or not.

"Is that so? I almost feel bad for dissing you after you left."

"Almost?" You arch an eyebrow and look at your friend with disbelief, only for her to shrug her shoulders whilst she lights her cigarette. Then, she tosses the lighter your way and you catch it midair, placing the smoke between your lips. Cupping a hand around it, you ignite the tobacco and relish in the moment as your friend takes out her iPod and plays a song. Its lyrics are sad and powerful, and somehow manage to pull at the strings of your heart because you feel like it's the story of your life.

Sitting on a bench at the back of the church, you enjoy the small pleasures of life. The night is calm and a soft cool breeze blows, caressing your hair and face. It's been so long since you've felt so at peace that you've nearly forgotten what it was like. It brings back memories, fond memories of the past, of when you were a kid playing in the grasslands with your brother. You can almost smell the grass and hear his laughter in the fields, see the blue sky above. You can hear your mother's voice when she called you in time for dinner, and the sound of father's steps on the porch when he got home.

It was a happy time— a time before you knew war and death.

After a long time, Tifa speaks. "I thought you sold us to The Patriots, what else did you expect? Surely you saw that one coming from miles away. Did you think I would be happy with the news? I wanted to punch you in the face, to be honest."

"Guess you have a point there."

"If there's something I can say is that I didn't expect any of this. Well, actually I never imagined it would be you. I always thought EVA would prefer having you here, overseeing the PLA instead of sending you away."

"It seems like you were wrong."

"Heh, she got me there."

After taking another drag, you tip the cigarette and shake some of the ashes off. "Anyways, we should be worrying about Liquid. He wants to get his hands on Big Boss to take over SOP. The Patriots know about his intentions but don't take the guy too seriously. They believe Liquid is no threat but... I wouldn't be too sure." You sigh and lie against the back of the bench, licking your lips. "I feel there's something missing here. I don't understand how he could possess Ocelot's body and mind through a transplanted arm. It sounds too far-fetched."

"Be that as it may, we still can't afford to ignore him. She knows what he's capable of. If he gets his hands on the system, the world will be thrown into chaos and total war. We can't allow that to happen."

"And we won't let him lay a finger on EVA."

Your friend shifts in her seat and gets closer to you, wearing a suspicious look. "What grudge does he hold against her?"

"I don't really know. My best guess is that he, probably, hates the fact she got to Big Boss sooner than him and delayed his plans. But I doubt that's his only reason, and I don't think it matters at this point. My main concern is that, right now, he must be looking for us and she refuses to leave until Snake has showed up. He's yet to appear and I'm worried that he won't soon enough."

"Worried about that or about Raiden?" she remarks and you look down, taking another draw of smoke. There's no way you can deny her words but you feel too guilty to admit to them. The fact that several days have passed since Raiden left, and there's still no word from him, unsettles you. "I understand. I'm worried about him, too."

Surprised at her statement, you regard her with bewilderment. "You're... worried about him?"

Tifa scoffs and avoids your gaze. "Hey, the guy saved my ass when were attacked by SOP troops. You can't blame me for that, can you?"

The raid on the Carpathian Mountains. Your body trembles at the mention of it, for you know you've played your part. "Did... how many of our friends fell?"

"It's okay; we made it out of there. We had Raiden with us, remember?" She smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder and gently squeezing. "But I'm afraid we've lost a lot of our data and equipment after the base was destroyed. He's gone without a dialysis for some time. We have tried some... makeshift methods to fix that but I'm not sure how much longer he'll hold out."

"And EVA sent him away regardless of that?" You narrow your eyes, not believing what you just heard.

"He was our only chance. We don't have the resources to confront Liquid's forces—"

"Liquid! Is he in South America?"

Tifa looks away with remorse and nods slowly, as though it pains her to admit it. "Octopus Armament, one of the Big Five under his command, is there. They were supposed to assist the state army against rebel soldiers but, after the established regime fell, they seized control as the de-facto rulers."

A bitter chuckle escapes your mouth. "You have to be kidding me, right?"

"No, I'm not. A private military company is running a country at this very moment. We're all going to hell. As of now, Raven Sword has occupied this city and you can bet your ass they'll find us sooner or later if we remain here any longer."

"And you sent Jack there alone? Are you out of your mind?"

"He said he could do it, that there was no need to risk the others. He volunteered for the task and there was no way to change his mind. Besides, Snake won't trust anyone but him."

"No, this can't be happening," you whispered with distress, brushing a hand against your face. "You shouldn't have let him go. What if something happens to him? What if he's hurt or...?"

You don't want to think about the horrible outcomes.

"He knew what he was getting into. He knew the risks."

"That doesn't change the fact that it's wrong!"

"But it was his choice!" she finally snaps and her voice rises. "Do you think it was any easier for us when you decided to disappear? Guess what? It was not, yet he didn't complain and told me I should understand you– that you surely had your reasons! The same way he did, try to understand him now. He deserves as much, don't you think?"

Speechless, your eyes are on the ground and you drop the cigarette before stepping a foot on it. Of course he deserves it– that and much more. You hope he's safe, that you can see him again and tell him all the things you couldn't before. You hope it's not too late but, deep down, you're scared of what the future has in store for you.

"You know, I owe you an apology... about Raiden. I misjudged him and I was a jerk. I thought I was protecting you but then I realized it wasn't for me to decide what's best for you. I made a mistake and part of me regretted the things I did and said, because the last time we spoke we argued. After I found out you left for The Patriots, I still felt guilty and couldn't shake that feeling off even as I began to despise you. It never crossed my mind that you were doing this for us, because I was too busy sulking in my own resentment to see the truth– to accept that you were gone and I wasn't allowed to follow. That really hurt more than anything."

"I'm sorry, Tifa. I didn't mean to, but it was my mission and I wanted you to stay out of it for your own protection. I would never forgive myself if something bad happened to you."

"I know." She sighs, before smiling with sadness. "Raiden was angry and hated you when you betrayed us, but soon his rage turned into immense grief. He was hurt because he thought he could trust you. It was almost as if he had lost a reason to live, a reason to have faith– to go on. I would dare say that he was... lost without you and couldn't find his way back home." Your heart skips a beat when she says that, and your chest swells with feelings you've been trying to keep under control for so long. If only you could see him, if you could tell him what he really means to you. "When we learned the truth, for a moment, I saw hope resurface in his eyes but then you never returned and now... he's not here."

"I want to go to South America." There's determination in your voice but, Tifa doesn't take long to voice her disagreement.

"No, we need you here." As you begin to protest, she gives you a reason to back out. "He'll return with Snake. Do you think you'll be of help to him by running around with no idea of where he is, risking getting yourself killed? If you think that I'll let you go, think twice because I'd rather leave you unconscious on the floor than let you walk out of here."

"Fine," you mutter through gritted teeth. "I'll do as you say but how do we know Snake will be there?"

"We've received word from a reliable source. She's been held captive by Liquid and has requested Snake's help. We want to know what does Liquid intend to do now, and we need Snake on our side to stop him. However, our more immediate concern is that Liquid would come at our doors to steal the body of Big Boss so we need to create a diversion to keep him away. That's what EVA wants us to do and quick."

Getting up, you dust off your pants and nod for her to follow. "Then let's waste no more time and get to work."

* * *

There's the feeling of imminent danger that keeps you on the alert. EVA says Snake could be here at any time but you fear that Liquid will make the move first. Tifa and you have spent the past days devising a plan to fool Liquid. Routes, places, timing, all have been schemed in order to divert his attention and slip Big Boss away unnoticed. There are several vans that will serve as decoys to that purpose, and you'll stay with EVA to help her fight the enemy during your escape.

EVA doesn't show it, but you know she needs your help now more than ever when everything else seems so uncertain. You have to make sure everything goes according to plan and meet with your comrades to brief them on final details. It's not until you hear the commotion going on in the next room that you fear Liquid has found you sooner than expected. Without wasting a second, you order the men to prepare and engage before you hurry to find EVA to get her out of there.

It doesn't take you too long to locate her but, somehow, she doesn't look the slightest bit concerned about her safety and refuses to leave when you try to take her away. It's almost as if she's been expecting, longing for this moment during many years. When you finally turn around, gun in hand, to your surprise it's not a group of Raven Sword mercenaries assaulting your hideout. 

A single man is the cause of all this uproar.

One by one, he has taken your soldiers down without much effort and several of them lie on the floor, groaning in pain or unconscious. Such skills and prowess leave you impressed and you have to wonder if this is Solid Snake himself standing before you. There's no time to answer your question, however, for he's holding Iuri's arm in an awkward position and advances through the aisle with a FN FAL aimed towards EVA and you. In the last second, you stand in front of her to obstruct his line of sight, draw your gun and take aim.

It doesn't matter if she's been waiting for him, you're not going to take any risks and let him hurt her. He's going to have to kill you first and, even if you know he's a formidable soldier, you're willing to fight him.

"Drop your weapon!" you order as more PLA soldiers surround him quickly, weapons in hand and at the ready. He doesn't make any moves, neither says a word– only stares at you with a fierce look.

"Very impressive CQC, Snake," EVA speaks behind you, her voice proud and full of delight. "No doubt about it. He  _is_  the Legendary Soldier." So you were right in your assumption. This is the son of Big Boss, and you have to say that the similarities with his father are striking although... you've been expecting someone way younger. Shouldn't he be around forty years old? This man isn't anything like you imagined Solid Snake to be; he looks much older, with gray hair and a wrinkled face. "Call me Mama. Big Mama."

She walks to you and gently puts a hand on your shoulder, as if telling you he's no threat to anyone. A bit reluctant, you lower your gun and holster it keeping an eye on him. At the same time, Snake lets go of Iuri and hands him back his weapon with a grunt before the Georgian man scurries away in shame. Everyone leaves and the doors close. You're about to do the same when it occurs to you that Raiden is nowhere to be found. He was supposed to return with Snake but where is he? Your body trembles and you can feel pain in your chest at the uncertainty as you turn to him, looking for answers.

"I need to talk to you." Snake's voice is gruff and hoarse. He walks towards EVA but then stops, as though he's not sure whether he should proceed. "Raiden sent me."

"Jack?" you whisper, unable to ask him what happened because you're too scared to know. A knot forms in your throat, and you feel the bitterness on your tongue, jaw trembling as your gut churns in agony.

But she pays no attention to his words, her blue eyes fixed on his form like he's the most precious thing in the world. "My, how you've grown... David." It's as if nothing else matters to her, not Raiden, not you, not the PLA or the fact that Liquid is on your tail. She starts covering the distance between Snake and her and you don't understand what's going on, what has gotten into her. "It was you, not I, who was created from the rib of man." EVA casts her gaze to the floor and holds her stomach, her expression wistful. "But I gave you life. I am your mother."

"What?!" Snake's expression conveys your shock with such a simple word, and you can't believe what she's said. He is her _son_ , along with Liquid Snake? She had Big Boss's children. 

_She had Big Boss's children..._

"Les Enfants Terribles. You can't grow a human being in a test tube. Not even a clone. You need a woman's body to give it life."

"You mean... a surrogate mother?" Even he sounds unsure of himself and what he says, faltering when he looks at the woman who has just told him she carried him in her womb.

"That's an awfully cold way to put it." She stops at a distance from Snake and her face is overwhelmed by sadness, having heard such hurtful words. But her head is high and her determination doesn't waver at all. "I am your mother." It's a statement that she doesn't intend to change ever and you can see the man flinch ever so slightly, eyes wide. "I gave birth for The Patriots."

"Gave... birth?" Never once had you imagined you would see the legend so full of doubts and hesitation, but there he stands... uncertain of what to do. The revelation has made a huge impact on his mind and emotions, and he's trying to get a grip on himself.

Then she takes a few more steps, the heels of her boots clicking and echoing loudly in the silence that has taken over. You watch as she bends to the floor and picks up a red apple that you haven't noticed until now. Her gloved hands wrap around it and she holds it close to her, inspecting it with interest before smiling softly.

"The forbidden fruit. Appropriate, no?" Her eyes close for a moment and she seems to be lost in thought, until she sighs and focuses her attention on Snake once more. Then she stands up and glances at you, her gaze weary but warm. It's strange but you have the feeling she's meant for you to witness this moment, and your presence doesn't seem to be obtrusive in their reunion. You give her a reassuring nod, thankful that she shared this with you, and she turns to him in time to meet his guarded gaze, like he's finally found restraint. "Follow me. I'll explain everything."

You don't follow this time and leave her to be with her son– the child she had for the man she loved. She still loves Big Boss, you know it, the one who has captured her heart and left her in sorrow all those years, alone longing for what was never meant to be.

Will you suffer the same fate, too?

* * *

As you go back to oversee the final preparations, you find yourself constantly distracted despite your better judgment. You can't help but wonder what has happened to Raiden. Why isn't he here? Something's wrong and you want to know— need to know. You're scared as hell, but the truth is better than being left in the dark and suffering because of it. However, you're not sure if this is the right moment to ask just before embarking on an important mission. If Raiden is indeed... no, you don't even want to think about it. The lone thought makes you sick and you go outside, hoping that some fresh air will help you calm down.

Perhaps Tifa was right for once. Growing too close to him has affected your psyche greatly and your emotions are overpowering, so much that they're starting to get in the way of your mission. There's little you can do to stop them, however, and you're afraid of the calamity your heart has turned into. It's a dilemma you can't settle, no matter how hard you try.

Finally, after a long time, EVA and Snake emerge from the building. They stroll in the backyard, as PLA soldiers patrol the area waiting for the inevitable attack. You're leaning against one of the black vans, arms crossed around your chest, and can't help but overhear a part of their conversation as they walk close by.

"Liquid is after Big Boss's body." Snake turns to his mother with an expectant look, pausing before stepping a little closer to her. "Is it here?"

She doesn't met his eye, and for the briefest moment you can see the hesitation on her face. It doesn't last for very long, for the next second her resolve returns stronger than ever.

"I'll take you to meet him." With firm pace, she approaches the van next to the one you're leaning on, and the men guarding it step aside for her. Before opening the door, she seems to doubt again but her brow furrows and you know she's trying to push away the guilt at what she's doing to him. "This is his pyx. His Holy Ark," EVA announces and opens the door, revealing a man that lacks limbs, and skin, lying on a exam table. You've seen him before and can't imagine Snake finds the sight pleasing to look at. The body is on a metallic frame, sealed inside a film of thick plastic to protect him from the elements, and kept alive with mechanical ventilation. "His body is alive, but his consciousness is locked away by nanomachines. So, technically speaking, he's not really brain dead. We can't allow Liquid to inherit the same sins that corrupted Zero. Manipulating people's minds for the sake of his own ego."

Deciding to see if you can make yourself more useful, you accompany them on their way back inside. This time you've made up your mind and you want to know the truth no matter how ugly it is. You'll be able to handle whatever Snake throws at you, and you want to deal with it sooner than later. Something in EVA has given you strength and you feel ready. You try and reach Snake now that the conversation is over but, just as you intend to talk to him, he places a hand on the back of his ear and says one of the strangest words you've ever heard. Otacon. It's not until a few seconds pass that you realize he's got a cochlear implant that allows him to communicate via codec.

"What happened?" A pause. "When?" Another brief pause as he shifts with unease. "Why weren't you watching her?!" His frustration grows with every question he makes. "Naomi said it herself, the experiment can't succeed without her." He falls silent as the person on the other side speaks and, from what you can gather, it doesn't like good news. Snake huffs tiredly and turns away from EVA, coming face to face with you– much to his discomfort. "What about Raiden?" Your eyes widen in shock and mixed feelings dwell in you. A few moments ago you thought you were ready to face the truth of Raiden's demise and now... now you don't know what to think anymore. Are you getting your hopes too high by believing there's chance– "Will he live?"

Those three words are enough to bring you down and you rush to the man, grabbing his shoulder and looking at him with silent plea. What's wrong with Raiden? What happened to him? Is he on the brink of death right now? There are so many things you want to ask but your voice is lost and you can only open your mouth, wishing the words would come out. Snake is surprised at your reaction but, before he can say anything, a terrified scream rebounds followed by gunshots. When you manage to react, at long last, you see a group of three UGs scrambling around the place.

Snake doesn't waste time and draws out his weapon, before you do the same. "What the hell is that?" he grunts, standing by your side.

"Tripods." You aim back and forth the several targets, unable to decide what to do as your mind goes back to Raiden. This has to stop! You need to focus on the situation, otherwise this is going to end badly. Snake isn't any more assured than you and EVA pushes past between the two of you, already tired of your hesitation.

"Move!" she roars, gripping her C96 Mauser and disposing of the UGs in a matter of seconds before they can escape. She keeps on shooting the last one as she approaches it, and puts her foot on it to keep it from scurrying away as it wiggles on the floor. Next, she empties nearly all the remaining rounds until it stops moving.

"Scarabs... unmanned scouts," the soldier, who has spotted the tripods, comments with scorn.

"They've found us. We're moving out." EVA nods at you before holstering her gun. "Are they ready?"

"We're ready to leave any time, ma'am." By now you've regained your cool and intend to do whatever is required from you.

"We'll escape through the canal route using the real van. Get it ready. Hurry!"

"Right away, ma'am."

There's no time to waste. The enemy will be onto you at any moment, and you have to get out of there as soon as possible for the plan to work out. In the midst of the confusion, you try to sort out everything the best you can as everyone prepares for the grand escape.

Getting into the van, on the passenger side, you look at your companion. His name is Azor and he's a survivor of the First Chechen War. "No seatbelt?" You'll be accompanying EVA tonight and will be the focus of attention without a doubt. It's reason enough to prepare for a rather jumpy ride.

"With all due respect, if I'm going to die tonight a seatbelt is not going to save me."

His comment makes you chuckle, as forlorn as it sounds, and you shrug choosing not to say more on the matter. "Suit yourself, then, but I'm not ready to die yet."

As the gates open, he turns the engine on and the front lights come to life. So this is it. His words, despite the obvious humorous undertone, ring true and you're scared of the outcome of tonight's events. You don't want to die without seeing Raiden again, and you want him to survive.

Holding a FN FAL close to you, you pray to whoever is above to listen at least once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there were only mentions of Raiden again. It’s just that I’m trying to build up the narrative before having Reader reuniting with him, which will happen in a few chapters, so please bear with me for a little longer. We’ve gotten to MGS4 at long last, yas! It’s not going to be a retelling of the game, of course, but I’ll visit some parts that concern the Reader and Raiden. This is supposed to be my take on the game if we have had another, let’s say, ‘love interest’ for him and what it would have been like. Hope you enjoyed c:
> 
> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	9. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support ♥
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:**  
>  Unbetated work. Coarse language. English is not my first language.

_I've created a little playlist for this fic with songs and themes that inspired this story for the most part so here's the[[link]](https://youtu.be/2k4os5vzyag?list=PL3EbNfBbw9Gl_MLq42P7XmIxk0CCM4gzk) if you want to listen to it._

* * *

**Chapter VIII:** _"Escape"_

The vans drive at high speed and motorbikes guard their paths. EVA is one of their riders, and you find that Snake has tagged along with her. No sooner than you're leaving the premises that the enemies begin to appear and Gekko surprise you on the way. They're supported by Haven Troopers that chase you and block the streets on armored vehicles. In a matter of seconds, the first van goes down when a Gekko sends it tumbling on its side with a powerful thrust of its leg and you only hope you can make it out of there.

There's total uproar in the streets, but you feel relieved that you don't have to lament innocent casualties. The chase is a death race now, with every turn leading to deadly traps. If you're not swift enough to get away, they will corner you and that will be the end of it. You need to hold out for as long as possible to buy Tifa some time, lest they discover your ruse. EVA follows you to mislead the enemy into thinking you were the van carrying the body, and it works for the most part. You try to down as many enemies as you can with your FN FAL but, no matter how many you kill, more keep coming.

Still, Azor is a great driver and avoids the enemy with expertise. He's able to react swiftly to every situation and follows EVA's lead with sharpness of body and mind. You're actually glad to be with him, by the time you're one of the few vans that remain, and even more so that Snake is watching your back too. Although you're worried about EVA, you know he's protecting her better than you ever will in his place. He even has the time to save your ass on several occasions, when Haven Troopers have surrounded your vehicle. Truly, you have to admit that the guy is damn good at what he does.

But the real problems start when Raging Raven shows up in the skies, followed by her squad of Ravens that close in on you at once.

"There you are, Snake! Where's your anger? Show me your rage!" Her distorted voice is terrifying and full of wrath, unsettling you deeply.

Before long, she's shooting at you with a grenade launcher and won't stop. Azor tries his best to keep the van stable and on the road, but it gets harder the more grenade blasts he has to avoid. "I'll be damned, crazy bitch!"

"Watch out!" you holler when the facade of a building comes into view amid the haze of dirt, and he dodges to the left just barely in time to avoid crashing. As you breathe a sigh of relief, wiping some sweat off your face, you glance behind and notice EVA and Snake are nowhere to be found. "Where are they? I can't see them!"

"Maybe they've taken another route."

The Ravens weren't following you anymore, so they must have put their focus on Snake and EVA- much to your dismay. Raging Raven seemed particularly interested in him, now that you think about it. Either way, you're worried about EVA getting hurt. In these circumstances, she's more vulnerable than ever and you fear for her safety.

"Come on, Azor, keep going! We need to catch up to them." The order is clear so he steps on the gas and speeds up. You can hear the cawing of Ravens in the distance, and the rumble of explosions, so you have some hope they're still alive and fighting their way out. Rather distressed, you try to get Azor to reunite with them again but he refuses to do so, saying that you'll be getting in the way and bringing more danger to them.

"They have more chances to lose them in a motorbike without us."

Maybe he's right but you still feel that you're abandoning them to their luck.

For a moment all conflict ceases and it grows silent, making you fear the worst. After a while, you finally see EVA emerge from the other side of the fork and relief washes over you. As she rides to your window, you give her a thumbs up and she drives ahead but then a strong impact shakes the van and sends it tumbling on its side. The vehicle slides down the road at full speed and hits the back of EVA's motorbike, making her lose control. Another flip turns your world upside down, and you feel your body is being shaken like a ragdoll. There's no time for you to react as the van comes crashing through a building, destroying everything in its path.

They say your life flashes before you when you think you're going to die. For you, it does not. There are many things you never want to recall and prefer to leave buried, hoping time will erase them from your mind. Truth be told, there isn't much to miss in this life but... what little you have is worth holding onto. At least, you'd like to be at peace with yourself before departing this world- make amends and be free.

No, this isn't the time to die and you cry as pain courses through your body, hurting you to the very core. Everything's so fuzzy and blurry around you, and you can't bring yourself to think of anything else but this moment when you're looking at Death's face once more. This time it's a raven and it's pecking at your flesh to get to your soul.

There aren't many things you wish to have as your last thought before you depart. It's too much regret to carry to your grave. Still, even as the world fades away, you want to see him again.

_Jack..._

* * *

Your eyes open slowly to the pain that is afflicting your body. The ache only worsens when you try to move, making you see stars. Groaning, you look to the side and see that Azor lies immobile, eyes closed and face stained in blood. You don't know how long you've been unconscious but, as soon as you remember what's happened, you panic. The chase, the encounter with the Raven Sword PMC, Raging Raven, the crash and...

_What has happened to EVA?_

Calling the name of your comrade, you find that he's unresponsive and doesn't move. It takes you a while to check his pulse only to find none, and you know there's nothing you can do for him. As you unbuckle your seatbelt, you fall with a painful thud on top of Azor's corpse and hold back a scream. After a few minutes you manage to calm down and then, with difficulty, you crawl out of the van, getting your hands hurt by the shards of the windshield in the process. The sting makes you hiss but you have to keep going, and so you ignore the discomfort. Once you're out of the vehicle, you lie motionless and try to catch your breath, until you hear a voice call your name weakly. When you turn around, you see EVA sitting on the floor and leaning against a wall with a FN FAL on her lap. It seems she's injured, since she clutches the side of her stomach and her face contorts with pain.

"Mama..." Mustering all your strength, you get on your feet and walk to her with wobbly steps. "You're bleeding. What happened?" you ask, eyeing her injury as you remove the scarf around your neck. Shaking it to get rid of glass shards, you use it to apply pressure on her wound but finally succumb to your own misery and fall down with a groan of pain.

The woman gives you a look of sympathy and shakes her head. "It doesn't matter anymore. I've contacted the children. They told me everything went according to plan and that... he's safe."

"Where's Snake?"

"He's upstairs, fighting the Ravens."

"Does he know we don't have the body here?"

She glances at the van with concern. "I haven't told him yet."

You understand she wouldn't want to tell him of her true plans, lest Liquid would find out, so you're not about to question her decisions. The only the thing that matters is that Big Boss is safe and sound and Liquid won't have a chance to get his hands on him.

"I'll go to help him." You start getting up but she stops you, her hand gripping your arm to keep you in place.

"Don't. It's too dangerous out there." Her blue eyes reflect sorrow and hurt, as well as fear, and you can't bring yourself to refuse her request. To be honest, you're scared to leave her alone as you see her face pale and her eyelids flutter with every breath she takes.

"I'll stay with you." Nodding, you place a hand on top of hers and then she closes her eyes with a bitter smile.

"I... I thought you had left me."

You laugh with sadness and lick your lips nervously. "It's going to take more than that to kill me and you know it."

"I didn't expect any less from you." She shares the laughter but it soon dies out and she's looking at you, despondency taking root deep in her soul. Right now, you fear what she's going to say. "I have one last favor to ask, (Name). If I'm to die tonight—"

You don't want to hear any more of it. "Stop babbling nonsense. You're  _not_  going to die."

Even in her injured state she can glare at you, her thin eyebrows furrowing in disapproval. "Have some manners and listen to this old woman when she speaks to you," she chides and purses her lips. "If I die... just leave. Don't feel bad for it. I want you to follow Snake and aid him in whatever you can. You'll be of more help assisting him than taking care of my corpse."

"I don't care if you think I'm an insolent brat, I'm not gonna let you talk like that. You're gonna live through this, even if I have to drag your ass myself."

It takes all of your might to fight the tears back, but you do and settle on the torture of waiting for Snake's return. Finally, after what seems to be an eternity, the cawing stops and the place grows silent. Still, you don't take any chances and find your weapon, standing near EVA in case Raven Sword decides to come after you. You're growing worried by the moment, as she keeps losing blood, and hope you can take her to safety once you reach the canal, where your transport is waiting.

Snake finally climbs down with a stagger, looking beaten after his confrontation with Raging Raven but he's in one piece at least. He wobbles towards you, and stumbles onto a sitting position by EVA's feet, groaning all the while as he fixes his stare on the older woman and the wound she's covering with her hands.

"Snake, I have to apologize," she rasps with heavy breathing, her face showing the guilt in her heart for having lied to him. "The three vans that came out with us were decoys." At her words, he stands up with knitted brows, walks to the back of the van and opens the door to see it's empty. "The real one is floating down the river, headed downstream. I managed to get in touch with the children. The pyx is safe. We're going to rendezvous on the river bank downstream. Land and air routes are cut off..." She shuts her eyes tight, overwhelmed by pain, and whimpers. "But there's a cruiser waiting for us. The Vltava River is our only chance of escape. Let's get out of here." She extends her hand to Snake as he approaches, and he takes it with a gentleness that surprises you. "Hurry..."

"Good thinking," he says before helping her on her feet. With a nod, you take your weapon and lead the way whilst he holds her close and follows you outside. As you scan your surroundings for enemies, EVA stops next to a sewage cover.

On your way there, you notice a destroyed motorbike and surmise it's the one EVA and Snake have used during the chase. He crouches and inspects it closely, perhaps hoping it still works. It's in a really bad condition, though, so you don't think you can use it any more.

"This way. Follow me," she pants and turns around, realizing that you and Snake were sharing looks of slight disappointment before staring at the vehicle with longing. "I don't need to feel the wind any more. There's no need to keep lying to myself." Her voice is soft but full of unspoken regrets and fears, eyes gazing into the distance. "I only get off my bike when I fall in love, or..."

EVA doesn't finish the sentence, only shakes her head and grimaces before facing away and falling on her knees. Alarmed, you run to her side and place a hand on her back to help her on her feet. "We must get you to safety right now."

"Give me a hand." Snake swiftly approaches and removes the manhole cover, gazing down into the darkness beneath. "The underground aqueduct leads to the river. There should be fewer of them down there."

"Let me help you climb down." You take her hand and hold it tight as she descends, making sure that she reaches the bottom safely. Snake then indicates for you to follow and you slide down the rails of the ladder before waiting for him to do the same. There's not much light in the sewer and you don't have a flashlight but, luckily, his eye patch comes in handy. He guides you around until your eyes adjust.

Snake's leading the way this time, and you have EVA leaning against you for support. Neither of them are too keen on talking, and her whimpers and groans are the only thing that pierces the silence, filling you with dread. The feeling has accompanied you throughout the evening, and there still is the terrible uncertainty of not knowing what's happened to Raiden while he was away. You've waited too long and you need some answers now.

"Snake, what happened to Jack? He went looking for you and we haven't had word from him ever since he left."

He doesn't answer for a while, and you assume that either he hasn't heard you- which is odd since the place is quiet- or is ignoring you. Perhaps things are worse than you imagined and now terror is crawling to your skin, making your hairs stand on end.

"He found me in South America and helped me but was badly injured after a fight with a tough enemy." The reply comes after some time and is like a punch in your gut.

"What? How is he?" Already, you feel the stab at your heart. "Don't tell me he-"

"He's fine. We found a cyberneticist that saved his life before, and he's recovering right now."

"You mean, Dr. Madnar?" It's hard to describe the relief you feel wash over you after such a long torment. You want to cry in happiness and hug the man for the wonderful news he's delivered to you. Well, granted Raiden's been wounded but he's still alive.

"Do you know him?" His question takes you aback and you have to take a moment to figure out what he means. He's talking about the doctor.

"Yes. When we saved Jack from The Patriots, I followed his recovery. We were lucky to find him in time because they would have killed him otherwise. What they did to him is... appalling." You're never keen on addressing that topic because just thinking about it makes you feel sick. He was just a head and a spine when you got him out of that place, rushing to find Dr. Madnar so he would save Raiden.

Snake only grunts in understanding, although he too seems disturbed. Whether you share it or not, there's no doubt he can imagine the hell his friend suffered when he's seen what Raiden has become.

It takes a while before you reach the canal, and you're relieved knowing that you're close to your destination. However, as soon as you round the corner Snake stops dead in his tracks and you ask him what's wrong. EVA limps by your side as you hold her weight against you and, once you reach the man, her eyes widen in shock and fear. You've come face to face with someone you weren't expecting to see and your blood runs cold at the realization you've walked into a trap.

Liquid is sitting by himself, enjoying a cigar, and looks as if he has been waiting for your arrival all this time. How did he know you would be here?! You don't understand but at the moment that's not important. What matters is how you're getting out of here, if there's even a chance to escape.

"Liquid!" Snake aims at him with his M4 as he stands in front of you and EVA.

But Liquid just ignores him, holding his cigar between his fingers and examining the item with casual interest. "Not bad."

"Where's the pyx?" EVA tries to get out of your hold, her teeth gritting as her eyes narrow with anger.

He still doesn't look at neither of you, like you're no significant threat to him, but chuckles with derision and his eyes settle on the sight of the river ahead. "That no longer matters."

You can see the panic and distress on her face, and that she fears the worst has happened. "Where is it?"

Liquid takes his time with another drag, letting the smoke slowly trail out of his mouth. As she struggles to keep herself up, you catch sight of fire in the distance. Eyes wide in shock, you can't believe what you're seeing as the flames consume whatever remains of your efforts and hopes. Your plan has failed and now you know that there's nothing left, no way to stop Liquid from realizing his goals.

It's not long before EVA spots the destroyed vessel and cries in anguish, her legs finally giving out whilst her arm slips from your shoulder. You crouch next to her as the tears slide down her cheeks and she cries her eyes out, holding onto you for dear life. Holding her l, you wonder what went wrong. Even more, your stomach churns with horror when you think about Tifa. Is she alive after all this, or—?

"Is that it...?" Snake asks, just before Haven Troopers begin to surround you in place, coming from the front and back. Then, two more soldiers emerge from the boat anchored close to the railing of the canal. A strange man with long dark hair, dressed in a black leather coat that reaches his feet, accompanies them. He wears a necklace of dog tags and a smirk on his face. On a closer inspection, a brunette woman in dark clothes peeks from behind him with diffidence.

"Naomi," Snake grates under his breath and she turns away, as if she's been overcome by embarrassment or remorse. But wait, that name... is she Dr. Hunter, the contact the PLA had to locate Snake in the first place? Has she been working for Liquid all this time?

"Naomi told me everything." Liquid stands up and walks to the railing, his expression a mask of firmness and pride. "And now, thanks to her, I finally have it. The thing I've sought for so long...  _Big Boss_." His eyes shift to Snake and he waves his gloved hand at him, words full of conceit. "Put the gun down, Snake. It's already too late."

It's all over now.

* * *

It fills you with misery to see the way Liquid has beaten Snake, leaving him stricken on the ground with a knife stabbed on his right shoulder. Heavy breaths pass through his lips and he's in pain, his body unable to recover as of yet. While you want to intervene and help him out, you fear for EVA's safety and so you don't dare leave her side, throwing your arms around her in an attempt to protect her.

"So long as we both live, the world will not know an age of light. If we're to pass the baton to the next generation, the only choice left to us is death." Liquid falls silent and paces about the place, looking around with suspicion before his gaze is on the river again. Snake crawls on the ground, trying to stop Liquid, but he's not strong enough to stand up. Despite being at disadvantage, he doesn't stop the efforts.

"Boss..." The man with long dark hair calls, catching Liquid's attention. He doesn't say more but there seems to be a mutual understanding between the two of them, for Liquid nods.

"Good..." You can hear the satisfaction in his voice as he faces your battered ally and points a finger at him. "The players have all assembled, Snake. The time has come for you to witness. Witness our moment of triumph!" Liquid extends his arms in a dramatic way, before raising a fist with determination and courage. As he hops onto the boat, the Haven Troopers follow him and leave you alone. He knows there's nothing you can do to stop him and the odds are against you. "Go!"

In no time, they sail away and you watch helplessly the beginning of the end.

EVA is silent now but you can still feel she's despondent at the outcome of the events. Liquid has gotten what he wanted, in the end, and now he's about to throw the world into total war. But even if you know there's little chance for you, you can't just give up. If you let him get away with this, it will be one atrocity after another and many innocent people will die. For all your friends that didn't make it, for EVA, for Tifa— for Raiden— there has to be something you can do.

If miracles exist, you need one right now.

"Snake!" you call to him, hoping that he's alright. He only grunts a response, as he gets on his knees. "Come on, get up. We gotta move." He tries to say something but a coughing fit has him on the verge of suffocation, and you're worried at his condition. Leaving EVA for a moment, you rush to him and pat his back until he gets better. After taking a few relieved breaths, Snake gets on his feet with your help and you hold his good shoulder while looking him in the eye. "Let's go. We need to take EVA to a safe place and tend to her wounds and yours."

"But... Liquid."

"We can't face him like this, don't you understand?"

"I can't let him get away!"

"I want to bring him down just as much as you want, but we can't do that in our circumstances. If we go after him right now, we'll die! You can try. I won't stop you, but you go alone. I prefer to live today and fight tomorrow."

"She's right," EVA mutters, looking down at her hands. "There's nothing we can do."

He's not very content with her words but agrees reluctantly to your advice, huffing with frustration. However, just as he's starting to walk in your direction something happens that leaves you confused. In the distance, you see spotlights converge on the vessel before a female voice speaks over amplifiers.

"Hold it right there, Liquid! Drop your weapons and stand down, now!" she demands, and Snake's eye widens in surprise at the unexpected twist.

"Meryl..." he whispers, leaning against the railing. In a matter of seconds helicopters surround Liquid and his people, as well as enemy vessels, and you can't help but hold hope that it's not too late yet. "She can help us. Come on, we have to find her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the game says Volta River instead of Vltava but the Volta River is in Ghana, Africa. The Vltava River is in Prague and it’s similar in appearance to the one we see in MGS4, so I thought it would be more appropriate to mention this one instead of the former.
> 
> Again, more Raiden references but if everything goes smoothly we should see him in the next chapter.
> 
> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	10. Don't Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, am I posting part ten already? I can’t believe I got so far into the story and in so little time. I even feel tempted to keep writing it but I gotta go back on my other side project fic so I’ll just give this fic a break.
> 
> This chapter alone is about 4,800 words and there’s more coming. I may finish it at chapter 15 but I’m not sure. Either way, the end is near so I still hope that you stick around for a while. Also, I want to say thanks to everyone that has supported the fic in the form of comments or kudos. I appreciate each one of you c:
> 
> So without further ado, on to the chapter!
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Warnings:** Unbetated work. English is not my first language. Angst. Violence and death. Some parts may not be accurate in detail to the MGS4 narrative but the most important elements of the story are present.

**Chapter IX:** _"Don't Leave Me"_

It's the US Army and Marines that are trying to stop Liquid. They have him surrounded and you trust he won't go anywhere now. Finally, you reach the vessel, in which Snake's friend is located at, and hope these people will help put an end to Liquid's plans. As you place EVA on a safe spot, out of sight from enemies, you try to assess the situation at hand. The boat starts immediately and goes further into the river, getting closer to your foes. When Liquid raises his hand in the air, Meryl commands her men to take aim knowing that he's full intent on giving his order to attack. Soldiers from both sides get ready for the struggle and you take a step back, eyeing your surroundings nervously. The circumstances make you doubt and you wonder if you'll survive. It's going to be a massacre and Snake knows it, for the despair on his face mirrors yours.

"Liquid, stop!" he screams, but his voice is drowned by Meryl's own shout.

"Fire!" The order comes in time as Liquid points at the people you're on board with and you crouch, seeking cover. You don't have any weapons, since the Haven Troopers took them away from you, and there's not much you can do to help other than not get in the way.

Nothing happens. There isn't the sound of gunshots neither the heat of battle burning in your veins, as you expected. On the contrary, everything is awfully silent save from the noise of spinning blades of the helicopters flying overhead.

With no idea of what the hell is going on, you take a look around. The sight you find tells you something's wrong when soldiers are repeatedly pulling the trigger of their firearms but not a single bullet comes out. Confusion reigns among the masses for a few moments. It's then that realization dawns on you as to what has happened, and that notion makes your hairs stand on end.

_He's hacked into the system._

"The system is mine! Your guns and your weapons are no longer your own! Behold... Guns of the Patriots." He raises a hand yet again and makes a gesture in the fashion of a pistol, before pretending he's shooting at the three helicopters above.

"Bang!" No sooner does he do it than the aircrafts start falling down, their forms spiraling as they plummet without control and explode.

Liquid cackles with laughter, throwing his head back, as though he finds the scene hilarious beyond belief. Then he glares and points at your boat, his Haven Troopers aiming at you without a second thought. " _Die!_ "

The bullets start raining down on the watercraft, and you fall on top of EVA to protect her from them. Snake falls by your side and huddles close, in an effort to provide cover for you and her. Several of the men aboard fall, either dead or wounded, without a chance to put up a fight. The gunshots stop after a while, but then you hear the agonizing cries and wails of soldiers mixed with Liquid's maniac laughter.

"What's wrong?" you ask Snake while he grabs his head and closes his eyes, grunting in pain. He doesn't even have the time to answer, for more bullets pierce the air and fly above your head forcing you to keep your head down. Those are the longest seconds of your life as you watch chaos unfold around you and people die, much to Liquid's delight. 

"Do you see this Zero? We are victorious! Behold Guns of the Patriots!"

This is the madness he'll bring into the world if you don't stop him. 

The assault dies after a long minute and you look to the side to check if EVA and Snake are alright. It's a relief that she's unscathed but, if you don't make it out of there soon, the blood she's lost is going to take its toll on her. Facing Snake, you crouch to reach for him and have a better view of the enemy boat without exposing yourself too much. It's still there and its cannon is turning to your direction, making you back away in horror.

"Out of my way!" Liquid bellows and you try to find something to hold onto but it's too late. The cannon fires and the projectile hits the vessel hard, shaking it violently. In a second you lose your footing and fall into the water, screaming until your voice is muffled.

The river swallows you wholly and takes you down to its depths, the sensation that envelops you cold and dark. Hands seem to pull you down, and you're powerless to fight for your life— weak to resist, tempted to embrace the peace Death offers here while the world above is engulfed by fire and blood. It would be so easy to just give up and close your eyes, let all the pain go away. What is there to lose? Destruction is all you've ever known and you've survived the savage nature of war— lived through its misery and met someone who's now waiting for you.

_Jack is waiting for you..._

* * *

You make it out of the water and to the riverbank, taking the time to catch your breath for a while. Lying on your back, you shiver in coldness as you look at the night sky above. The wonders of being alive, you think with a bitter laugh and get on your feet, eyes scanning the place for signs of EVA or Snake.

After a while, you finally find them. They're a level above and you hurry to their location, not wanting to waste more time to get her to a safe place. She needs to have her wounds tended, she needs blood and rest. So many thoughts cross your mind, and your fears become stronger the more you think about them.

When you reach them, she's sitting between his legs and her head is resting against his chest. Somehow she looks much more vulnerable, so sad and frail that your heart is breaking. Coming to a stop beside her, you fall to your knees and place a hand on your mouth to muffle a sob. Her face has become pale and it's frightening to see the blood that is now dribbling down her chin.

"When a beast steps into the light," she takes a deep breath, straining to let the words out, and her head lolls onto his shoulder, "unless the light is put out, the shadows cannot be erased." Her melancholic blue eyes close for a moment, though she does her hardest to keep them open. Tears burn your sight and you purse your lips, willing yourself to be strong though it's difficult for you. "So long as there is light, there is shadow." 

Her life is slipping away and you refuse to let go of the one person that gave you a reason to keep living.

"No," the whisper is overcome with pain as your jaw trembles and Snake only looks at her with a heavy heart, holding her in his arms.

"To return everything to normal the light must be extinguished." EVA gazes into the distance and the tears fall, her hand slowly rising to Snake's face in an attempt to touch her son for a last time. With her remaining strength, she turns her head to him and looks into his blue eyes. Her voice holds sorrow and regret at her parting, for all the things she never said and all the things she never lived. "And when that happens, you will be... too."

But when he's about to hold her hand, it falls to the ground and her last breath leaves her lips. Watching helplessly on the sidelines, you're left with grief in your soul when you call her name and she doesn't respond. You can't simply accept that she's gone and so you shake her body, hoping that she will wake up but she never does.

"Don't leave me." It hurts so much that you feel you're being ripped apart from the inside. "Please, come back. Please. Mama!"

Under the dark sky, you cry your heart out and Snake leaves you to it. You cry, holding her hand to your face to feel the last of her warmth until your tears are spent, and then you realize they won't bring her back. She's gone and nothing you do or say can change that. Once you've calmed down, you help him lay her on the ground and fold her arms upon her stomach, telling her goodbye. 

All strength abandons your body and you slump against the railing, too tired to keep fighting— too hurt to do so. It feels as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you're overwhelmed at the onerous task before you. Everything's falling apart and you're scared, lost in a sea of doubts. Will you be able to overcome this colossal test that destiny has prepared for you? You're not sure of anything at this point. The only thing you know is that if you remain with arms crossed, that's a sure way for your enemy to prevail. You don't know how you'll do this but you'll find the way, somehow— you have to for those who are gone and those who will come. It's your responsibility to ensure a future for all.

"Snake," you grunt as you get on your feet, dusting your pants off. It's then that you notice the burnt skin on the left side of his face, and the dark blemish it has left. "Come on, we got work to do." Extending a hand to him, he examines it with confusion at first but takes it somewhat hesitantly.

"What about EVA?" he rasps whilst you help him get up, the knife stabbed on his shoulder still provoking a great deal of pain to him. "Are we just going to leave her here?"

With a glance behind your shoulder, the knot in your throat returns at the sight of her lifeless body and your determination falters. But you have to be strong and learn to let go, no matter how much it hurts. This is what she wanted from you.

"That was her last wish, for me to follow you when she's gone. Snake, take me with you, please. My time here is up."

* * *

Their base of operations is a large airplane which they call Nomad. Shortly after your arrival, you're introduced to the rest of the crew as the new recruit. They're not too many, just the essential personnel. They're two pilots you can't see, a blue-eyed man with dark hair— who introduces himself as Otacon— and a little blonde girl. She looks a bit uneasy in your presence when she sees you and runs upstairs, whilst Otacon apologizes profusely for her behavior.

It's not like you have time to feel bad about her reaction, for your eyes settle on Raiden the moment you step foot inside the room. You don't even care about your own condition at that point. Bloodied and battered, you dash to the surgical table he's lying on... surrounded by life monitoring machines once more. The quiet beeping of the ECG lets you know that his heart is still beating and you suck in a breath at the sight of him. He sleeps peacefully, his pale bangs shadowing his eyelids. You want to touch his hair and feel its smoothness and stay with him until he wakes up.

Getting closer, you lean to him and whisper. "Jack, can you hear me? It's me." Your hand hovers over the skin of his cheek but you don't dare touch him yet, don't feel worthy of doing so after all you've done to him. "Jack, I'm here. Please, wake up."

He grunts and furrows his brow the more you talk to him and, after a while, his eyes open slowly with a dazed look. Raiden doesn't recognize you at the first second, and his confused gaze focuses on your face. All kinds of emotions assail you when his stare lingers on you. There's fear, doubt, and pain, but also relief that he's alive and the joy of being reunited again. He looks at you with half-lidded eyes, long and hard, and then frowns. Next thing you know, he's shutting his eyes tight with a cry of distress, shaking his head and gritting his teeth as he tries to turn away from you.

"Go away," he sobs and your heart breaks at his rejection, although you understand his reaction. Meanwhile, Snake is by your side placing a hand on your shoulder. He gently makes you step away from Raiden, his eyes sympathetic at your woe. "Leave me alone. No more, please... stop."

After more lament, Raiden slips into unconsciousness and you're left with a bitter taste in your mouth. Snake doesn't say much on the matter and Otacon only advices that you let Raiden rest for now. Despite you know he was delirious when he spoke, you can't help but let his words get to you. Perhaps you shouldn't have come here just to hurt him. The thought lingers in your mind whilst you tend to the cuts in your hands and face. It doesn't take very long and you're soon bandaging your palms, checking the rest of your body for more injuries. There are several bruises on your skin, and you find the burn of a bullet that has hurt you at point-blank in the arm. Other than that you're fine, just tired after the ordeal in Prague.

When you're done, you clean the sink of the bathroom and get rid of the bloodied pieces of gauze. Then you make yourself presentable in some clothes Otacon has given you. They appear to be new garments, which makes you wonder if there's been another woman here not long ago. Either way, that's none of your business and you take what's offered to you without any questions.

After rinsing and wringing your other clothes, you look for a place to hang them to dry and close the door behind. As of now, the only thing you have in mind is being near Raiden and that's where you're headed, until you hear a small voice humming in the next room.

It must be the little girl who's in the kitchen. As you draw closer, you recall her face and find it familiar somehow. It feels like you've seen seen her before...

She was really close to Raiden when you arrived, as if she'd been taking care of him. You're not sure about it but could she be the child you helped him rescue from The Patriots? Curiosity gets the best of you and you slowly come closer to the kitchen, hiding yourself behind the wall.

With careful movements, trying to remain unseen, you peek inside and watch her stand on a wooden stool in front of a frying pan. The smell of eggs cooking wafts to your nostrils, as she holds a vase with a blue flower between her small hands. Her expression is delightful, her smile sincere and pure, and you're unable to tear your gaze away from her. The way she sighs with affection, and sways her head from one side to the other, laughing and admiring the flower like it's the most beautiful thing in the world, is something that you find endearing. It's hard to explain but watching her gives you comfort, and you feel at peace with a part of yourself that has been hurt many years ago.

You hear a gasp and the vase falls down, rolling on the floor and close to your feet. Her eyes widen when she finally notices your presence and you grow flustered at your blunder, embarrassed for being caught. Trying to be as friendly as you can, you apologize and retrieve the vase with the flower for her.

"I didn't mean to scare you." You smile while offering the item to her but she falls silent and looks down. With a sigh, you place the vase on the counter and bend to her level, still trying to smile. Truth is, the moment feels so awkward and... you don't have much idea of what to do. "You're Sunny, right? Wow, it's amazing how much you've grown. Last time I saw you, you were a little baby and I was holding you in my arms."

Surprised at your words, she turns to you and her honey-colored eyes regard you with awe and bewilderment. Her reaction is adorable and you feel the urge to pinch her cheeks, but restrain from doing something fool that you'll regret. Still, she's so cute that her little face makes you weak at the knees, as she holds both hands in front of her chest. The little white apron she wears makes you squeal internally, too.

"Uh? You mean y-you're... (Name)?"

She knows about you? Tilting your head to the side, you chuckle. "Yes. How did you know?"

"J-Jack told me about you," her little voice squeaks but this time she returns your smile, although she's still a bit sheepish. "Uum, it's n-nice t-to meet you. Thank you for s-s-saving me."

You detect the stutter and how hard she tries to hide it, though without much success. "You have nothing to thank me for, sweetie. I'm just happy to see you again." Unnoticed, your hand strokes her silky hair and she looks up at you with contentment. "So, you are cooking eggs?"

"Yes, would you like s-some?" Just as you're about to answer her question, the alarm goes off and she hurries to serve the food in a plate. She works so hard it warms your heart just to see her so concentrated. In the end, you're happy to receive the food she offers, basking in her bright smile. "Here you go!"

"Thank you! You're a life savior, you know? I am starving," you say, grabbing the fork and taking a seat to have dinner. She's very affable company and you find her conversations entertaining and intelligent. Sunny seems happy that you spend your time with her, and you realize she's a very sweet child.

It makes you long for something you can't have, but you decide not to think too much of it. Another cause of distress is the last thing you need right now.

With some food in your belly, you sit by Raiden's side and watch him for a while, hoping that he will come to and see you're no illusion. Knowing that your memory causes him so much pain makes you feel remorse, and you wish he can forgive you for all the wrong you've done. You never meant to hurt him. The only thing that matters now is his health, though, so you push vain thoughts aside and pray that he gets better soon.

At some point, Snake tells you that you should have some rest and, while you try to fight him on that, you feel exhaustion take over. You find a place at the back of the helicopter, within the cargo hold, and make yourself comfortable, lying on the seat while snuggling in a blanket Sunny has provided for you. The contented noises of her chickens, Liquid, Solid, and Solidus, as they peck at their food relaxes you and soon you're drifting off to sleep.

You'll just take a short nap before trying to figure out what to do to fix the madness Liquid has unleashed. 

* * *

Voices disturb your slumber and wake you up from yet another nightmare. Quickly sitting up, you rub your eyes and wonder if you have just imagined everything before you hear them again. As you get closer to the door of the chopper, you overhear a discussion going on.

_"I have always been alone. Always..."_

Your breath catches in your throat and you know to whom that voice belongs. There's no doubt it's him and you hurry out of the helicopter, not wanting to waste more time to see him. You dash for the computer room but then come across a most strange and wretched scene.

"Raiden..." Snake mumbles with awkwardness, his gaze focused on the blonde man that is sprawled on the floor clinging to his leg and refusing to let go. Confused as to what's going on, you come to a stop, and find yourself unable to do anything but watch.

Otacon is not quite sure of what to do, either, and he chooses not to intervene. It's not until Sunny walks to Raiden, and cradles him in his arms, that he loosens his hold and lets her comfort him. The look on his face is one that you'll never forget— the face of a man that wishes he stopped existing, that has nothing left to live for. You want to run to him, embrace him and tell him that not everything's lost. You want to know if there's a chance to find happiness together, to know if he still feels the same for you, but your feet won't move.

"Don't leave me here alone." There couldn't have been a more harrowing thing to say at a moment like this, his eyes reflecting the desolation of his soul— one that was empty. Snake turns away, unable to watch his friend suffer and then his gaze meets yours, sad and worn out.

"This is  _my_  fight.  _My_  destiny."

Raiden stops moving and you surmise he's lost consciousness again. The exertions have wearied him and his eyes are closed, mind lost in another world— one in which, hopefully, there's no pain or despair, although you doubt it. In a few quick steps, you walk past Snake and towards him. Sunny is trying to lift him off the floor but his weight proves to be too much for the girl and you help her lay him on the table.

Taking a seat, you give Sunny a sad smile. The poor kid looks so gloomy and worried at Raiden's condition that you place a hand on the back of her head and bring her close to you, pressing her against your side.

"He's going to be fine, you'll see. Jack's been through worse and made it."

"Really?" She lets you hold her and snuggles against you with timidity.

"I promise."

A ringing sound announces an incoming call, which Otacon takes. On the large screen, the image of a brunette young woman appears. Her expression is soft and her smile gentle, matching the beauty of her face.

"Dr. Emmerich?" Even her voice is delicate, and soothing, when she speaks.

"Mei Ling." Otacon tries hard to sound welcoming but the strain and apprehension in his voice are hard to miss. The woman seems to notice this, for she takes a few seconds to assess his disposition. It gives you the chance to survey her appearance. By the dark blue uniform she's wearing, and the insignias on the collar of her shirt and chest, you deduce she's a naval officer of the US.

"I got the results back. It's official. He's on Shadow Moses Island."  _He_? Does she mean Liquid? "We lost Metal Gear Mark Two's signal along the way, but the ship was headed in the direction of Shadow Moses. This is a picture of the island taken by civilian imagery satellite." Mei Ling leans forward and types on the keyboard of her computer. A picture shows up on the right bottom corner of the screen, and Otacon nears a couple of steps to examine it. "The sea line is rising due to global warming. Have you heard that the entire Fox Archipelago is about to slip into the ocean? The surrounding islands have already been evacuated."

Snake walks ahead of you and stops at a distance from Otacon, eyes on the dark-haired man. "Liquid's arrival there can only mean one thing."

Otacon turns to him, his expression gloomy, and nods. "He is going to use REX."

They can't be serious.  _A Metal Gear?_  What the hell is going on?!

"That's how it looks from here. All the Metal Gears after REX were embedded with system IDs," Mei Ling explains. But if all Metal Gears were controlled by the system then why is Liquid even interested in REX? This doesn't sound good and you fear this conversation is headed in a direction you won't like. 

"Then what about REX? What did Washington do with it?"

Sunny wriggles out of your hold without a word and walks away, heading for the stairs. Movement catches your attention out of the corner of your eye, and you see Snake taking a seat in front of you. His back is towards the screen, and it seems he no longer wishes to participate in the conversation. He remains silent whilst he fishes his back pockets for a cigarette, but you notice he's tired and troubled as he strokes his chin with a pensive look.

"The nuclear disposal facility on Shadow Moses hasn't been touched since the incident." 

"That was nine years ago."

"The president of ArmsTech and the DARPA chief were killed, and the Secretary of Defense was arrested. By the time the Shadow Moses incident was over, there wasn't a single person left there who knew what took place. It was as if nothing ever happened. The data was either falsified or erased, so no traces would be left behind. We were exiled to desk jobs for the same reason. REX and the nukes should still be where they were nine years ago, untouched."

Her words confirm your fears. REX is not in the system and, what's worse, it has nuclear warheads that Liquid can use without any problems if he gets his hands on them.  

"A forsaken island. A  _haven_."

"Well, I'd say it's more like a forgotten island. And it's sinking, too."

"Thought I'd never go back," Otacon finally says, dispirited.

Snake is yet to light his smoke, and it doesn't look like he has any intention to. It remains between his lips, as though he's forgotten it's even there, but then the coughing fit returns and the cigarette drops to the floor. Body shaking with every wheeze and choke, he leans down and picks up the item, breathing slowly to calm down but the affliction persists.

"It'll take me a while to get there, but I'll be backing you up from aboard the Missouri. She's the only ship in the fleet still able to move, since it was decommissioned before the system was put in place. And Hawaii's not that far away." Despite the odds, she's still in good spirits and the smile returns to her lips. You wish you could be like her, in your circumstances. However, for some reason she falls silent and gasps, leaning towards the screen for a better look. "Otacon, you're not wearing your glasses anymore?"

Said man starts fumbling with his words, unable to say anything coherent for a few seconds, whilst Mei Ling awaits his response expectantly. "I switched to contacts."

Amused at his reaction, she giggles with earnest delight. "We rendezvous at Shadow Moses." Mei Ling then gets up and walks away, leaving you to wonder why she hasn't just ended the transmission. But she returns shortly, with her peaked cap in hand. She places it on her head, looking straight into the screen with resolve and hope. "He who submits to Heaven shall live. He who defies Heaven shall perish." In the final moment, she performs a hand salute.

A pregnant silence settles when the call is over. With Mei Ling's voice gone, whatever traces of optimism fade away and the mood quickly plummets, leaving everyone down in the dumps. You sigh and brush a hand against your hair.

"So what do we do now? We can't let him get his hands on those nukes." There's no reply for you, however. Snake merely avoids your gaze just like Otacon, and your stomach churns at their taciturnity. "Are we going to do nothing? Right now, Liquid is heading to Shadow Moses Island and we're losing precious time!"

Snake looks at the dark-haired man, as though he's waiting for his friend to make up his mind. At long last, Otacon speaks up. "I have to atone for my past, too." You have no idea of what he's talking about but, when he faces you, remorse is eating away at him. "REX is a beast born from my research." It's impossible to conceal your astonishment from him and your jaw drops at his confession, but you decide not to say anything on the matter. There's simply no time to hear the full story now. He knows it and so he nods, eyes burning with determination. "Let's go. Shadow Moses awaits."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, Raiden has finally reappeared in the story after some time. And I only made you wait for… four chapters, I think. There should be more interactions in the next chapter but, for the time being, I thought I would just make the Reader suffer a little more. ~~I'm sorry not~~
> 
> Reviews are appreciated. They motivate me to keep writing. Thanks for taking the time :D
> 
> **Chapter revised 07/24/17**


	11. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another update, yay!
> 
> There are some bad news, though. I have a serious problem with my desktop computer. It seems that after many years my hard drive is dead and I have to replace it. Now, there’s nothing to fret about. Luckily, I managed to recover the drafts for my stories which was the most important thing for me, otherwise I wouldn’t have posted this update. I have a laptop so at least I can keep working on my fics as I try to get this issue solved.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter c:
> 
> *************************************  
>  **Warnings:** Unbetaed work. OOC. English is not my first language. Angst. Some parts may not be accurate in detail to the MGS4 narrative but the most important elements of the story are present.

* * *

Snake doesn’t take you to Shadow Moses with him, as you expected. Instead, he tells you to stay and look after the crew of the Nomad. It’s not an idea you’re too keen on, and you feel you’re breaking your promise to EVA, but there’s not much you can do or say to change his mind. He works alone in the field, he says, and you’d only be getting in the way. As rude as his words sound, you have the feeling he’s trying to leave you out of this for your own good.

He convinces you when he plays the ‘Raiden needs you’ card. Even he has picked up there’s something going on between you and the blonde man but is silent on the matter. Snake only focuses on preparing for his mission, dons his muscle suit and readies his weapons. When you finally reach US soil in Alaska, Otacon prepares the helicopter for deployment and before long he and Snake head off to Fox Islands.

There’s not much you can do other than sitting around with a mug of coffee in hand. Meanwhile, Sunny occupies herself at her work station, absorbed in a project she’s developing at the moment. Although you don’t understand what she’s doing, by the endless lines of coding running on her screen you surmise she’s programming. You decide not to disturb her and leave her to her task, but her diligent work and constant effort surely catch your attention. She must be only seven years old and is engaging in such a complicated affair. Now that you think about, she was even supervising Raiden’s dialysis on her own.

The girl has to be something else, with an intellect far ahead compared with that of children of her age. That wouldn’t be strange, given her past in Area 51 and the fact she had grown connected to the internet since she was a little baby. With a sea of information at her disposal, she must have learned a lot of things that were beyond your comprehension.

Not everything was lost for her. She can put her knowledge to good use, to make a difference in the world. The thought of it puts a smile on your face but it soon disappears as your mind goes back to the events of that evening. The death of EVA still afflicts your heart, and Tifa going MIA doesn’t help in the slightest to put you at ease. You don’t even know what has become of her. Has she escaped from Liquid? Is she… dead? There’s no way for you to tell and the more you think about it the more you doubt things have gone well for her. She couldn’t have survived the attack… or maybe she did? Where is she? She was supposed to protect Big Boss but, in the end, her assignment had gone awry and now Liquid is so close to taking full control of the system.

Heaving a sigh, you make your way to Raiden and sit on the edge of his table again. He still is asleep, his breathing soft and steady. You place a hand on his chest, feeling the smooth surface of his polymer body and the bolts embedded in it against your palm. Every now and then you trace his wounds, which have been sealed, and feel upset and guilty at knowing you hadn’t been there to watch his back like you used to. Sunny has told you that some guy called Vamp nearly killed Raiden while he was trying to save Snake and Naomi in South America. All of this… just to discover she was working for Liquid the whole time. You knew he shouldn’t have gone alone. If only you had been with him—

Raiden begins to wheeze all of a sudden, and his body convulses with coughing. It takes him some painfully long seconds but he finally calms down, taking deep breaths. Before you realize it, Sunny is at your side, her little hand holding his as she calls his name. His gaze lingers on her for a while and then switches to you. To your disappointment, he doesn’t say anything to acknowledge your presence— instead looks around with panic.

“Where’s Snake?

“H-he left with uncle Hal for Shadow Moses.” As soon as he hears those words, he stands up and Sunny tries to hold him back to no avail. Raiden soon is on his feet, unplugging the sockets from his back in the process, and searches for his gear with shaky steps. So he’s going to ignore you now? Not a single word, not a reproach… nothing? You watch helplessly as she runs after him, her hands grabbing his and pulling back to stop him but he’s too strong for her and her feet just skid on the floor. “No, J-Jack, you can’t go! You still haven’t r-recovered! Please, stop!” But her words fall on deaf ears and she finally lets go, turning to you with an expression of dread and despair. “Please, (Name), t-tell him. He won’t listen to me!”

If he thinks he can snub you so easily, then he has another thing coming for him. With a frown, you tramp towards him and grab his shoulder, turning him around so you’re face to face.

“Are you insane? What the hell do you think you’re doing?” And then he stops, staring off into your face in deep thought like it was the most puzzling thing in the world. 

Confusion is the only emotion you see in him as he presses his hand to your cheek. His long nails graze your skin softly and his brow furrows, as though he can’t believe you’re standing before him. And there’s fear and hope in him, when his hands are on either side of your face. They slid down to your shoulders and arms, touching, squeezing. You don’t know what he’s doing anymore but, in the end, you see relief and wonder in his eyes while he studies you from head to toes.

“You’re real.” Raiden’s voice is hoarse and husky as he gets closer to you. “You’re alive…”

“I am.” You nod with a smile, eyes brimming with tears that you desperately try to hold back. “And I came back.”

The moment you say those words his strength fades and he falls over you. His weight makes you stumble a few steps backwards, but you’re able to hold him up, arms sneaking around him to press him tightly against you.

And this time you won’t let go.

**********

It takes a while to convince Sunny that everything’s going to be fine. She’s still worried over Raiden’s health, insisting that he go back to rest, but he simply refuses to do as he’s told. After telling her that you’ll take care of him, she finally gives up and decides to go back to the computer in case Otacon is in need of something. This gives you the chance to be alone with Raiden to have a more private conversation. There are so many things you want to tell him, yet you don’t know where to begin.

“I leave for a while and… look at what happened to you.” Parting from him, you hold his cheeks and press your forehead against his but he diverts his gaze, ashamed. “What were you thinking going alone to South America? I was dead worried about you. You could have died, you fool.”

Raiden sighs, holding your arms gently. “I’m sorry about that but we had to find Snake. I couldn’t let the others risk their lives. They have children, siblings— a family. I don't—”

“Don’t say that. You have me.”

“But you weren’t there!” He snaps, stepping away from you, and then realizes how harsh he’s sounded. Shaking his head, he looks down with remorse and lowers his voice. “I… I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay, you’re right. I left you.” Why lie to yourself? That’s what you did and you won’t deny it. It didn’t matter if it was for a higher cause— you abandoned him, deserted when he needed you the most, escaped after he professed his feelings for you. “I’m sorry for what I did, Jack, for all the wrong I’ve done to you. I never meant to hurt you, I swear, but everything I did was for a good reason. I know it’s no excuse but, please, you have to understand.” 

Ever so slowly, his gaze shifts to you and his blue eyes show hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning?”

“It was something I had to do on my own, and I couldn’t put you at risk. It was my mission, mine alone. Although I admit it wasn’t easy to play the part, I had to fake my defection to ensure EVA’s plan worked. She needed someone to help her from the inside and I was the one who could do it. This is the reason I couldn’t be with you, Jack. If they had known about you, they would have used you against me and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t. I wanted to protect you from them.“

“You should have told me instead of hiding the truth.”

“I preferred carrying this burden alone than let them hurt you again. I would have never forgiven myself. That last time when we were together I… it hurt saying all those things because that wasn’t what I really felt. Jack, I—”

The cargo door of the airplane opens and a chilly air pervades the ambiance. On the other side Otacon appears, hurrying to find the equipment to get the helicopter back inside. There seemed to be a system created for that purpose, to propel the aircraft on the rails once it was strapped.

When he sees Raiden standing beside you, he comes to a stop with a confused expression. “Raiden, shouldn’t you be resting?” 

“Resting? I’ve had enough of that.” The blonde man says as he finally spots his HF blade and grabs it. “How far is Shadow Moses from here?”

“Ah, a couple of miles but… hey, what are you doing?” Otacon panics when Raiden walks out, heading for the helicopter at a brisk pace.

“Take me there.” 

Running to catch up to him, as the coldness bites your skin, you grab his arm and stop him in his tracks if only for a moment. “What do you think you’re doing? Get back inside. You’re not going anywhere today.”

He turns to you with a glare, shaking your hand off him. “You’re not the only one who has a mission to accomplish. I have to do this!”

“No, you don’t. Duty and choice are different things. Please think this through—”

“You once told me that I can choose the battles I fight. Have you already forgotten that?” His words take you aback and you fall silent, feeling a sudden pang in your chest at your own hypocrisy. “All my life, I got used to fulfill agendas of others. But this time… I’m making a choice of my own, (Name). Don’t you dare take that away from me. There’s nothing to think about. All I know is that Snake is out there putting everything in the line for us, and we’re doing nothing to help him. I won’t sit around and watch with arms crossed. Sorry, but I can’t just do that. We’ve been working for this for a long time, and we can’t back out now at the most critical stage.”

It feels like a slap, being reminded how selfish you are, but he is right and you can’t deny it. “I know. But EVA’s dead, Tifa has disappeared and I…” You don’t want to lose him, too. You don’t know how you’ll deal with the pain if he’s gone and you don’t want to think about it either. 

There’s silence, as he takes in the news, until decides Otacon to intervene. “I know you guys probably need to work out some issues, but this isn’t the time or the place. I have to pull the helicopter inside now. It’s freezing out there and I need to go back in contact with Snake. He needs my help!”

Throwing a look past Otacon, you see little Sunny poking her head with an expression of concern and dismay. You hear Raiden sigh in defeat, then. He knows he’ll get nowhere with this conversation, and simply nods before walking to the helicopter. Much to your surprise, he drags it back inside the plane before any of you have the chance to say anything else. Once he’s done, Raiden walks away with a huff of irritation and anger flashing in his blue eyes.

He won’t forgive you for this one any time soon, you know it.

When he returns to the table, he’s not too keen on talking to you but you don’t give up, despite the fact he doesn’t make things easy. He keeps ignoring you and avoiding your gaze, and you have to admit it’s getting on your nerves. Raiden is so stubborn that you wonder how you’ve stuck together all this time, considering that you weren't much more obliging than him.

Sunny and Otacon are too busy in their computers to even spare a glance your way. Otacon is completely focused in supporting Snake in his mission, and you catch details every now. So far so good and there’s not much to worry about. As for Sunny, she’s still running lines of codes and typing non-stop, deft fingers dashing across the two keyboards as though there’s no tomorrow. And you know that’s what bothers Raiden, feeling useless— to know that everyone’s doing their part while he’s here doing absolutely nothing. It’s something that’s giving you a hard time, too, even if Snake has told you that you’d be of more help to him staying here. How exactly? Perhaps he knew Raiden would try to follow and wanted you to stop him. Well, you did but… was it really the right thing to do?

“I know you’re mad at me, but this is for your own good.” Maybe if you said it, it would be easier to believe that your reasons to hold him back aren’t selfish. “Jack, look at me.” Still no response from him, and by then you start losing hope. Well, if he won’t deign himself to even gaze at you at least he could listen to what you have to say. Sighing, you look at your bandaged hands. “Do you remember the last time we met that morning?” You notice the way his breath catches and his jaw clenches at the memories you stir in his mind. “Jack, I lied. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than being with you, but I couldn’t. You already know that. I know that maybe it’s too late for this but… I did want that life with you, away from all this. I wanted to start anew and leave it all behind for once.” 

There’s a bitter smile on your lips as you get up but, then, his hand suddenly wraps around your wrist, preventing you from walking away. When you turn around, he’s looking at you intently, and you feel light-headed as he brings you towards him.

“Say it again.” His voice is a hoarse whisper, sad but hopeful. It makes your heart flutter whilst he sits up and holds your shoulder, refusing to let go until you tell him what he wants to hear.

He doesn’t have to ask twice. “You’re the one I want to be with. You’ve always been, Jack.” Your voice cracks under the weight of so many emotions, and tears form in his eyes. Before long, you’re pulled into an embrace and your lips press against his in a kiss, his hand on the back of your head as your arms wrap around his neck. You forget about the world around you, focused on this moment and the joy that overwhelms your soul. 

“Kept me waiting, huh?” He chuckles once you part, stroking your back with gentleness.

You rest a cheek against his shoulder and smile. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

This is the happiest you’ve ever been in a long time but, sadly, it doesn’t last for very long. “Please, I have to go.”

Your heart drops at his words and you shake your head, holding onto him. “Jack, not this again.”

“I can’t watch and do nothing while Snake is putting his life in the line for everyone. I can’t leave him on his own.”

You don’t want to fight him anymore but you won’t yield so easily to his demands, although you fear that sooner or later you will give up. “Fine, then I’ll go in your stead.”

Raiden frowns, and you know that he won’t make things easy for you— yet again. “No, you stay here.”

“Jack, I know you want to help him but you’re not ready yet—”

“I will not leave him alone,” he grits through his teeth, balling his fists on his thighs as he casts his gaze to the floor. There’s despair behind his hopeless expression, despite how hard he tries to hide it from you, and you ache at his suffering. “You would have done the same for her. You would have done it without thinking twice, and there would have been no way for me to stop you.” 

For Tifa? For EVA? Yes, you would have risked everything… even your own life. And while you don’t want to face the possibility of losing him, you know it’s impossible to change his mind. In the end, there’s nothing else you can do but give up and let him have it his way. This is his choice and, no matter how much it hurts you, you have to accept that this is bigger than you or him and your work is far from done.

“Okay, let’s get you ready then.”

“But J-Jack can’t go!” Sunny jumps from her seat and runs to him, wrapping her arms around his waist to stop him.

“Sunny…” He whispers, placing a clawed hand on her tiny shoulder, and sighs sadly looking down at her. “I have to. Snake… he can’t do it alone. Even he needs help every now and then.” The girl chooses to say nothing, only tightens her grip around him. “Sunny, do you trust me?” At his question, she nods in silence and reluctantly lets go while he bends on one knee before her. “Then you know that I’ll be back. It’s a promise.”

“Snake!” Otacon screams suddenly, and all eyes turn to him.

Fearing the worst, you rush to his side. “What’s going on?”

“That thing… it’s got him!” He’s distressed at what he’s seeing and when you focus your attention on the screen, you watch a black wolf-like machine on top of the old man. You can only imagine the pain he has to endure with such a heavy weight on top of him, and hope his bones aren’t crushed. 

“Crying Wolf… she’s part of the BB corps. This is no good.” Liquid has already taken control of the facilities and you don’t want to think of the possibility he’s gotten the nukes too. 

“Dammit… I have to go now!” Raiden is up in a rush and fetches his equipment— a HF blade, a SOCOM pistol and two knives. As he secures the tactical belt around his waist, and fastens the handgun on his thigh, he glances at the dark-haired man. “Otacon, I’m taking the helicopter.”

Otacon nods absent-mindedly, while you head to the back of the plane in search of some gear for yourself. “I’m coming with you, whether you like it or not.” Raiden stops dead in his tracks and opens his mouth to say something, but before he can do it you interrupt him. “Save your breath. Neither of us is going to change their mind, and you know it.”

He lets an irritated sigh out, once he finishes strapping the spare knife to his calf. “(Name)…”

“There’s no time to discuss this! You don’t even know how to fly a helicopter and you need my help. You said you’ve made your choice. Well I’ve got some news for you, Jack; I’ve made mine and I’m not letting you go alone. We’re in this together, okay?”

His piercing gaze bores into you and you see the conflict taking place in his head. He doesn’t want you to go, but he knows there’s not much he can do to prevent that. In the end, he concedes and tells you to get ready in short order or either he’ll leave without you.

“Jack!” Sunny calls behind him and he grimaces, knowing that she’ll try to stop him. However, when you turn to look at the child you’re bewildered to see her carrying what seems to be a visor and two strange black devices. “Y-you will need these!”

While she helps him fasten the items on his head, you dig in the lockets and boxes. Fortunately, there’s a dark green flight suit you can wear and it has insulation. There’s even a pair of gloves to go with it, which you’re thankful for. Although the clothes aren’t much, they’ll help with the freezing weather of Alaska. Checking a weapons crate, you also find a FN SCAR Mk. 17 and a VSS Vintorez, a sound-suppressed sniping weapon although you're not sure if you'll be able to use it in a snowstorm. After donning the flight suit, you put on a tactical vest, stow some ammunition in the pouches and complete your equipment with a handgun. 

Raiden appears, sporting the visor and the devices that are identical in appearance to the eyepatch Snake wears. Those, and the protector he wears on his jaw, are gear you’ve never seen on him before. “When did you get those?”

“When we had to retrieve Big Boss’s body.” Well, your endeavors didn’t make any difference. Liquid got a hold of him and now controls the system— granted just the military part but, if you don’t stop him soon, he’ll control everything. To have your fates in the hand of a madman like him… the thought makes you shudder. “Ready to go?”

You nod and put the flight helmet on. “Yes, just get the helicopter out.”

He opens the cargo door and does as you say, sliding the aircraft down the rails. The howling wind comes in the airplane with a whoosh and he has to raise his voice. “You sure you know how to fly one of these?”

With a shrug, you pick up your weapons and follow him. “We’ll find out soon enough.”

“You gotta be kidding me. I thought you knew!” He complains, getting in the side of the copilot as you occupy the opposite seat.

“Well, I said you didn’t. I never said I knew how to fly one but, hey, this shouldn’t be too hard.”

However, as soon as you get in the vehicle, Otacon appears at the last minute flailing his hands like a maniac. “Wait, you have no idea of what you’re doing! I’ll take you there!


	12. Shadow Moses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So sorry for taking so long to update c: but to make up for my absence, this chapter is long :D hope you enjoy ;u; and thanks for the kind words everyone! ♥

  
**Warnings:**

Unbetaed work. OOC.

* * *

When you and Raiden arrive at the abandoned base at Shadow Moses, you begin your search for Snake as soon as you get off the helicopter. It takes a while to reach the premises, and you fear that during that time something can happen to the man. This calls for a stealthy approach, as you and Raiden can't afford to alert the enemy of your presence. A confrontation will only set you back and Snake is in need of your help. 

Fortunately you show up just in time, when Gekkos rigged to self-destruct are closing in on him about to kill him. Raiden easily gets rid of them and you can't help but think that, if you had gotten there a few seconds later, Snake would be dead.

However, you know your work is far from done when you catch sight of the same man that was with Liquid and Naomi in the Vltava River. It's then that you learn he's Vamp— the one who almost killed Raiden in South America. While there’s nothing more you want than put a bullet in his head, you recall Sunny saying that Snake had done the same once and Vamp was still alive. There even is a scar on his forehead and you can't give credit to what you're seeing through your scope.

When Raiden decides he will take care of this 'immortal' foe while you and Snake keep the Gekko at bay, your heart fears the worst. And even if you want to stop him, you know that this is the only way to get out of here and stop Liquid before it's too late. Raiden is the only one out of the three of you that has more chances to stop Vamp, and there's no time to discuss anything when Gekko swarm the place.

The only left for you to do to help is distract the Gekko, so Snake can take them down with the man-portable rail gun he carries. It's hard work but, after some time, you manage to destroy a good number of them and you trust Snake is watching your back. Nevertheless, they just keep coming in mass and you grow tired, attempting to evade their attacks. Your mind is too worried over Raiden, also, and you can't help but glance at him every now and then as he battles Vamp on the top of Metal Gear REX. It's a relentless confrontation and neither of them gives the other a chance to breathe. 

But then Raiden falls on his knees, too wounded and tired to keep going, and you despair knowing that he's losing the fight and everything's going downhill. Vamp is about to chop his head off with Raiden's HF blade and you know you have to stop him. Desperate, you aim at him, aware that you won't kill him but at least you'll distract him. Forget the damn Gekko all over the place; you won't let the bastard take Raiden's life. It works and you catch his attention for a brief moment, enough for Raiden to gather strength and stand up, seizing his sword from his foe before thrusting it on Vamp's gut. Caught off guard, the dark-haired man growls in pain and then grabs Raiden, wrapping his arms around the blonde as the blade buries further into his body.

When Raiden finally manages to get out of his hold, he cuts Vamp down and the latter stumbles on his footsteps, stepping closer to the edge of REX as he clutches his wound. With arms wide, he takes a step backwards and falls several feet down.

Walking to Vamp, you stop at a safe distance from and examine him. He's sustained a lot of wounds but is still alive. However, he doesn’t seem to be a threat anymore for he can barely move up and appears to be in intense pain. When your eyes settle on Raiden at the top of REX, he's looking down at you and you heave a sigh of relief, before shaking your head with a tired smile. There isn't much time to dwell on his victory, for more Gekko approach and you prepare to engage them once more. As you get in position, you hear a loud hiss in the air and only have a few seconds to look behind and duck an ATM coming your way. You touch the ground and watch as a rain of missiles fall upon the Gekko, destroying them in a matter of seconds. The impact of the explosions block the entrances with debris, preventing more to come after you. 

Then you realize what has just happened. Otacon managed to get REX working!

With a groan, the cockpit comes to ground level and you're just glad you'll be able to get out there soon. Throwing a glance behind your shoulder, you watch as Raiden lands on one of his knees and hurry to him. Soon he's on his feet, towering you, and there's a look of exhaustion in his blue eyes but also contentment when he sees you. 

“Are you alright?” You cup his cheeks and then hold his shoulders, inspecting the damage on his body. There are stains of white and red blood on him, but he seems to be fine nonetheless. Still, you're worried because he hasn't fully recovered and has already acquired more wounds. “Look at you. What am I going to do with you?”

“It looks worse than it is. I'm fine.” Still, his words don't make you feel at ease. You know he doesn't want you to worry over him.

“I don't care if _you_ think you're fine. You're staying in the Nomad until you’re completely healed and I don't want to hear you complain anymore. Everyone has a limit and you're pushing yourself too far. I'll chain you if necessary.”

There's not much you can really do to stop him from leaving, and you know it, but you still wish he wouldn't be so stubborn and listen to you at least once. However, just as you're about to reproach him you see Naomi approach with a look of despondency and resignation. The men have seemed to notice her presence, too, but they aren't too concerned about it and so you stay put. Still, you wonder what is she doing here?

“He was never immortal,” she says, gazing down at Vamp with sadness. “His natural healing abilities were enhanced by the nanomachines inside his body. But after so many battles he's finally reached his limit.”

“Doctor…” Vamp breathes in agony, raising his hand to her. “Ease my pain.”

Naomi sighs and kneels by his side but doesn't take his hand in hers, as though she's hesitating. Still, she seems to feel for him deep in her soul and it's evident the man means something to her. Despite all that she's done that's something you can relate to. It's strange, in a way, given the circumstances.

“Naomi,” Raiden's soft voice catches her attention and she slightly turns to him, without looking him in the eye. “Sunny asked me to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I cooked them right,” that's all he says and you're surprised at the bittersweet smile she has on her face.

“I see.” Her eyes brim with tears as she looks up, but she keeps smiling despite everything— despite the pain that eats away at her inside. “Good for you, Sunny. You finally did it.” Vamp's moan of pain catches her attention and, inspecting more closely, you can see he's covered in blood, both red and white— Raiden's. His skin has visibly wrinkled, too, and something tells you these are his last minutes. Naomi fishes in her coat for a white shot but she stands up and takes a few steps back from him. Looking down, she hesitates but her dark eyes find him again. “No, I can't save you.” She can't find a way to keep him alive but you see in her face that she can neither take his life away. Not by her own hand. Walking to the Mk. III, she kneels before it and hands out the shot to Otacon. “You have to trust me, Dr. Emmerich. Give this to him. Not for revenge but to end his suffering.”

Otacon's confused at what she's asking from him, but soon the prehensile manipulator arm takes the item from her. The Mk. III turns to Vamp, who desperately takes the shot and injects it on his neck, thrashing on the ground as Naomi hurries to hold him in her arms. 

“Now you can return to your true self,” she says, looking down at him with a mixture of affection and sorrow. “You can be at peace.”

“I can… die?” He breathes with difficulty, eyes half-lidded.

“Yes.” Naomi’s voice cracks as Vamp’s life slips away, the man giving a last cry before he breathes for the last time and goes limp in her arms. She holds him close to her and presses her chin against his head, sobbing her loss. “Forgive me.”

“This doesn't change anything,” Otacon mumbles with gloominess. “Why?”

Naomi carefully lays Vamp's body on the ground, tears still falling down as her hand caresses his face. “We can't erase the past nor can we forgive it.” Her words strike a chord in your heart and you know they are true. The past is something you can't forget, can't change, no matter how hard you try, and neither can you forgive all the things that were done to you— the wrong you did. “And so the only thing we can do is end it.” Grasping the shot in her hands, she stares at it long and hard before standing up quickly and drying her tears. There's a newfound determination in her and you wonder what she's planning to do. “Snake, Liquid's down below us. He's stolen the Patriots system, slipped out of their sight and taken their ark.”

“Ark?” Snake's confused and so are you. What is she talking about? Why is she helping you now?

“A warship unfettered by land, law, country, or network. The only place where they are truly released from the shackles of the Patriots, the place where they can be free— Outer Haven. Liquid plans to launch the nuke from that ship.” Things are getting worse by the moment and you can see the worry on Snake's face. “Snake, you have been given life so that you may fulfill your purpose. When all of this is over, you'll have no choice but to accept death. We are given life only so that we can atone for our sins. Your life was created for that very purpose. We all must atone for our own sins. We must not pass them on to the next generation. We must not leave them for the future. That is your true fate, one that even you cannot defy.”

Just as she finishes those words, the ground shakes under your feet and you swiftly turn to Raiden. “What was that?”

“Naomi!” Otacon screams and by the time you realize what's going on, she's dizzy with pain leaning against Snake's arm. 

“What have you done?” He asks, panicked at her state.

She holds her forehead and winces, stepping away from him. “Vamp and I… we are the same. We're living corpses, our bodies kept barely alive by nanomachines.”

“Then, you…” Snake's voice trails off, as if he doesn't want to finish the sentence knowing fully well what she's going to say.

“Cancer. I shouldn't even be alive right now.” Stroking her neck, Naomi walks past you and there's an inexplicable ache in your chest. Is it sympathy what you're feeling? Looking at Raiden, you notice a look of grief in his eyes at the news she delivers. “The nanomachines have kept it from progressing, but there's nothing more they can do. With the nanomachines gone, time will unfreeze and begin to flow again.”

“What are you saying?” Otacon is in disbelief, but the urgency in his voice tells you he wishes things would have been different. 

Slowly, she turns to the Mk. III and stares into Otacon's face on the screen. “Goodbye… Hal.” With sorrow in her face, she injects the shot in her neck once more and pants before she feels the effects almost instantly. Her body spasms and she falls on her knees, holding her stomach and chest as the torture of her illness returns and begins to claim her life. She trembles as she looks at all of you, and you're not sure of what to do at this point. Should you leave her be in her last moments? Offer some comfort before she breathes her last? What can you say to make her passing easier? None of your companions seem to be sure of that, either. Raiden is still in shock and while Snake's expression remains unalterable you have the feeling that, deep inside, he too is heavy-hearted at her suffering.

The woman's gaze settles on the screen of the Mk. III again, and the tears return to her brown eyes. “Give my best to Sunny.”

But then Otacon starts to cry, unable to contain his emotions anymore. “Naomi, don't do it!”

“Are you crying… for me?” Her voice is soft and calm even in such a dire moment, as though she's ready for this— as though she's been waiting for this. She knows it’s time, as she uses the shot for a last time despite Otacon's pleas and cries. Unable to hold herself up any longer, she holds onto the Mk. III and gives a bittersweet smile to him. “You have such… beautiful eyes,” she says before collapsing on her side and taking the device to the ground with her. She grasps the screen in her hand and caresses its surface with the other, wanting to be close to him for as long as she can. “I'm sorry for everything…”

“Naomi!” Otacon cries his heart out, knowing he can't do anything to save her. The moment takes its toll on your heart, too, and you can't hold back. Before long you feel your eyes burn with tears, because you now realize what she's done, what she's sacrificed, and in the end you don't want to hold resentment.

You can't because you understand why she did what she did. But before you can reflect on it, more tremors shake the place and the debris that previously blocked the main entrances is blown away. Naomi takes this opportunity to push Otacon away from her, and the Mk. III stumbles to Snake's feet. He tries to grab it but Otacon slaps his hand away with the prehensile arm, still crying over his own loss.

“Let's get moving!” Raiden urges, hand on his HF blade and you shake your head to get your mind in the game. He's right, you have to get out of there as soon as possible but Otacon's emotional state is becoming a problem as he refuses to leave Naomi.

“Why does it always have to be this way? Just when I thought I was ready to fall in love!” He wails and Snake grows desperate at his friend's inability to reason and see reality.

“Otacon, come on! Pull yourself together!” Snake admonishes, to no avail. The doctor is still drowning in his tears and Raiden decides to step in, grabbing the Mk. III in his hands.

“They're here,” he says as more Gekko invade the place. There's no more time to waste and so you start running towards REX, your last hope for survival. Snake gets in the cockpit but there's only room for one person there. Raiden and you have to perch on the edges, hoping that will suffice.

As Snake sits the Mk. III close to you, Otacon speaks. “Snake, you're right. I haven't lost everything yet.” He sounds calmer now and has stopped crying, to which you can only imagine he's making an effort to hold back for the sake of helping you. “I've still got a job to do.”

“That's right,” Snake rasps with sympathetic eyes, obviously sorry for what his friend was going through. Still, there's a job to be done and none of you can give up just yet. “We need you.”

“I'm done crying. I don't have any more tears to shed.” With a sigh, Otacon puts his glasses on and looks into the screen with newfound purpose. “We have to get out of here.”

“Any ideas?” The older man asks, trying to get REX up and going.

“Time's running short, so I'll explain as we go. Pay close attention.”

“I'm listening!” With a pull of the lever, REX comes to life and you have to hold on tight lest you'll fall down. Certainly not the safest way to travel, but it'll do so long as you're careful. You only hope it's not too much of a bumpy ride but surviving the ordeal will be more than enough.

**********

As you reach the exit of the hangar, Raiden jumps and stays behind to ensure that no Gekko will follow. You watch helplessly as the distance between you and grows and you have a terrible feeling in your gut. He's taking far too many risks and you panic at the thought of what will happen to him. You call his name but he doesn't listen, as you're out of earshot and your voice is drowned by the succession of explosions that take place in a matter of seconds. The shock wave sends REX sliding on a layer of ice several meters away and you have to hold on for dear life, making sure the Mk. III is not lost on the way.

“They self-destructed!” Otacon says and you despair at the implication behind those words. 

To your relief, as you turn around to the direction of the hangar you see Raiden escape unscathed, despite your concerns. The grip around your heart eases for a moment, but then you witness as the structure around him collapses.

“Jack!” You feel the stab in your chest when he disappears under a pile of debris. He can't be… no, he can't be dead. Looking down, you see you're several feet from the ground and there's no way you can safely jump down without breaking your leg— and not in a good way. “Get me down!”

The mission is important but you're not leaving Raiden alone again. You did once and he almost died. You're not taking any chances again and you won't lose him. 

Snake seems reluctant to let you go alone but you shake your head, refusing to take no as an answer. “I have to go!”

“I'll come with you,” he says, lowering the cockpit to the ground until you're at safe distance to get off. But as you wait for him to follow, Otacon catches his attention and he stops, staring off into the distance with a frown.

“What's the matter?” You ask, looking in the same direction as them.

“I'm not sure…” Snake replies and you feel there's something off in the air. In the distance, the sea waves are violently crashing against the concrete dock and the water rises in sea dust. But before you can make any sense of what's going on, a colossal body springs out of the water at full speed and slides on the ice, leaping over its two legs and skidding to a stop dangerously close to REX. Your eyes widen at the sight of the war machine as the Mk. III jumps in surprise. It can't be—

“RAY!”

As RAY emits a mechanized cry, Snake sits on the cockpit again and takes control of REX. “Save Raiden. I got this!”

“Brother!” Liquid bellows dramatically. His voice is coming from RAY, revealing he's the one manning it! “It's not over. Not yet. Moses, where our fates were born, and where yours ends, Snake!”

There's no time to say anything else, as he prepares to engage Liquid in battle and you run to get out of the way of REX's giant feet. You wish the best of luck for him as you hurry to find Raiden before it's too late.

When you reach the collapsed building, you see him lying on his stomach beneath the wreck. It's a considerable weight the one upon his body and you're dead worried he may have not survived.

“Jack!” You kneel by his side and touch his head, fearing you’ll find blood but fortunately that's not the case. Still, he may have sustained damage on other parts of his body so that doesn't necessarily put you at ease. “Jack, wake up. Please. Jack, can you listen?” You can't check his breathing properly but you place the back of your hand on his nose and try to feel if he still breathes. To your relief, soft exhalations warm up your skin and you're at the verge of tears. “Thank god. Alright, let's get you out of here.” Looking up to the massive pieces of rubble, you stand up and try to move them off of him but they're too heavy and you can't make them budge. You take his left arm and try to move him out, but his right arm is trapped beneath a massive bulk of concrete and you'll tear him apart before you can free him— if you can even do that. If you use the HF blade to try and cut everything, you risk another collapse. Finally, you stop your efforts and grab your head, sinking to your knees before him. “I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry.”

What were you expecting to accomplish? What can you do? Absolutely nothing.

**********

You spend the next moments in a numbed stated, uncertain of what to do or what you're even waiting for. The battle between Snake and Liquid unfolds with chaos and might of epic proportions, but you're unaffected by the whole scene— even when Snake manages to defeat a supposedly more powerful Metal Gear with a rundown one. You can feel comfort at knowing that Liquid is at least down for good. It's not until you feel a clawed hand scrape the ground that you come to reality and see its owner stir from unconsciousness.

“Jack!”

“(Name)?” Raiden calls with a hoarse voice, groaning in pain and discomfort.

Holding his hand, you laugh in between tears. “You scared the shit out of me. What were you thinking? Do you want to get yourself killed?”

“I already told you. I'm fine.”

“If having a ton of debris on top of you is being fine, either you're the most hardcore man I've ever known or you're batshit insane.”

“Maybe both.” He chuckles with tiredness but whatever small relish he feels at the moment dies suddenly and he falls silent. “Where's Snake?” Before you have a chance to reply, sirens go off in the distance and you know something big's going on. As you turn your gaze to the dock, you're horrified to see an immense warship emerging from the sea. 

“Outer Haven…” You whisper, eyes wide.

Raiden thrashes, trying to break free but it's futile. Even he can't shake the weight off of him when he's pinned to the ground. “Help me get out of here!”

“I'm sorry… I tried but I can't. It's far too heavy for me.”

He eyes the HF lying on the ground and you fear what he's about to ask from you. “Then cut off my arm.”

“Are you serious? No way I'm doing that!” Of course you're not hurting him more than he already is!

“There isn't time for this, (Name)! Cut my arm now!” He demands with anger and despair, too stubborn to relent. 

“No, I won't hurt you! Don't you realize even your body has its limits? Is it so hard for you to understand? Your body may be a machine but you still have a soul, a life— one that you don't seem to want to live. How many more battles and wounds will it take you to realize that?”

“I know… but we have to help him. If we don't, he's the one who will die. Please, do this for me. I promise I'll survive this because you keep me going. But what does Snake have if not me, us? He's counting on us!”

Are you going to do nothing to stop this? Are you just going to let him die? No, you certainly can't do that— you can't fail EVA and leave her son alone to face this— but it's easy to fear the worst when you have so much to lose. But Raiden is right and you can't let that happen. You're in this together and you'll be by his side no matter the outcome. 

You grab the HF blade and nod feebly. “Alright… I'll do it.”

“Be swift,” he says and you position the blade, assessing the place where you'll cut off his arm. As you prepare to slice he looks away and you raise the blade, gripping it tightly and trying not to falter. You give him a fair warning before hacking off the limb but he still groans in pain, gritting his teeth to hold back a scream. The blade escapes your grasp and falls with a clatter, as you watch the white blood spurt all around his right shoulder and the ground. What have you done?

“I'm sorry,” you whisper, helping him out of the debris as he recovers from the shock of losing his arm. Clinging to you with his remaining arm, he shakes his head and gives you a smile despite the pain he feels. 

“Don't worry about me. We gotta hurry.” 

One way or the other, you always end up hurting him.

***********

He runs faster than you can keep up and for good reason. The warship is about to collide with the dock and Snake is there, knelt with his gaze downcast. The old man is not moving, as though he doesn't have any more strength to keep going. Raiden screams for him to get up and flee, but his voice is drowned by sirens and there's no way his friend can hear him.

As the distance between Snake and the vessel diminishes, Raiden's speed becomes inhuman and you're left behind before you can know it. He finally reaches the battleship, just as it is about to crush Snake, and in a display of superb strength Raiden manages to hold it back with his body. But despite his might, he's not strong enough to fully stop it and struggles to maintain his balance as he braces the warship with the one arm he's got left. He's losing footing quickly and stabs his HF blade into the ground, so his feet won't keep skidding, but he's still unable to keep the colossal weight behind him at bay.

“Snake, hurry!” He screams, desperate to get the disoriented man out of his stupor. His desperate plea doesn't go unnoticed and Snake does his best to scramble away, but he's too tired and weak to move quickly. At that moment you finally catch up and grab him by the vest, dragging him away from danger as fast as you can.

Raiden won't hold up for much longer and you know it when you see him drop to one knee, his body losing strength every second that ticks by. And deep down you feel that this is the end, because there's no way he can get out of there in time— there's no way he can survive. This is where your story with him ends before it even had the chance to begin and you can do nothing to stop it. 

“JACK!” At the realization of the fate he'll meet, you cry his name and see the fear and despair on his face— the regrets that afflict his soul until now. You want to reach for him but the world seems to be falling apart around you, ground shaking beneath your feet.

“ROSE!”

In the blink of an eye he disappears under the warship. As you try to get on your feet, the roar of cannons firing resounds in the air and in the distance you see the USS Missouri sail. At the offensive Outer Haven retreats, submerging into the sea and you’re running towards Raiden. When you reach the wreckage, the only thing that you can see is his HF blade embedded on a piece of rubble. Crackles of electricity run up and down its length and you fall on your knees, mouth agape, breathing shakily.

He's gone.

“No,” you whisper, feeling a knot form in your throat. You crawl to the edge of what remains of the dock and look for him, hoping to find him— praying that somehow he's survived. “Jack!” He's nowhere to be seen and you despair, tears blurring your sight as a single thought overwhelms your mind. He's gone to a place you can't follow and it feels as though your heart is being ripped from your chest— as though you're going insane. You can't breathe, you can't stop the tears that stream down you cheeks and the violent sobs that shake your body. “No, no… no. Jack!”

Shrill screams soon pierce the silence that lingers at the end of all things. 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kidding. This isn't the end XD but I wanted to let readers know that this story is close to the end. I think it will be complete by chapter fifteen or sixteen. I'm not sure yet. I have chapter thirteen already written, so I'll begin with chapter fourteen and then fifteen :D thanks for the support!


	13. Rain Transformed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update :D I still haven't finished chapter fourteen but I didn't want to keep readers waiting. So here it is! Thanks for the nice comments, and a special thanks to Shion for sharing her beautiful headcanons ;u; they give me life ♥

* * *

“Alright, everybody, here's the plan,” Mei Ling begins, as she stands in front of the crowd in the briefing room of the Missouri. Several people have come to the meeting, Otacon and Snake among them. You've attended, too, if only because you need to know what course of action will be taken to end all this, despite your mind is occupied by other matters. “We know Haven will have to surface in order to fire the rail gun. When it does, the Missouri will see it. We'll make a quick approach and deliver a strike team. Our goal is twofold, prevent that nuke from launching and wipe out GW's programming. The enemy relies entirely on electronic means of threat detection so they won't be able to see the Missouri until they surface. We'll launch the strike team from catapults at the exact moment Haven's armored cover opens. They'll penetrate GW's physical server room and infect it with a worm cluster.”

You give a tired sigh, feeling the ache in every muscle of your body. That's easier said than done but you have to accomplish the mission, no matter how difficult it gets. You're the only ones who can stop Liquid now— no one else— and everyone's counting on you.

Someone touches your shoulder and you glance at Snake, who's holding an oxygen mask in his other hand. He nods, giving you an encouraging look and you have to wonder from where he draws the strength to keep going. 

“He'll be fine,” he says, and you try to find comfort in his words even when your mind is full of dread and worry. Raiden will be fine, right? He's strong. He lives despite the fact he should have died in Shadow Moses. His condition is not the best, though, and he's severely injured but you're grateful that he's still breathing.

“But what if they shut down GW before we get in there?” A blonde man with sunglasses asks, drawing Mei Ling's attention.

“Liquid is already entrenched within the Patriot's network. He needs to stay there, or destroying JD won't serve him any purpose. They can't afford to have GW shut down,” she explains, pacing around with arms crossed.

Abruptly, Meryl stands up from her seat and regards the brunette woman with an accusative frown. “And let's not forget, Liquid will throw everything he's got at stopping the strike team.”

She's got a good point there. There's no way you'll be able to keep the infiltration a secret from Liquid, and he'll do everything in his power to stop you from reaching GW. It's suicidal but there aren't many options left. 

“Exactly,” Mei Ling agrees, a dire foreshadow in her brown eyes. “The corridor leading to GW is defended by directed-energy weapons that emit certain types of microwaves.”

_What?_

“Did you say… microwaves?” The blonde man sitting next to Meryl sounds deeply concerned, and you can't blame him. Radiation is something not many want to mess with. 

“That's right, and at that frequency the waves will start to evaporate any living person within range.”  
Everybody exchanges looks of concern but Snake remains oddly calm about the whole thing. “A giant microwave oven. You'd have to have a death wish to go in there. Sounds like the perfect job for me.”

Meryl scoffs and turns to him with a glare. “Snake, this isn't the time for your stupid jokes!”

Snake can only shrug at the red-haired woman's reply before he goes back to the oxygen mask without a word. But you see it in his eyes, he's not joking— there's something that tells you he intends to go there and spare the rest such a heavy weight on their shoulders.

The Mk. III displays pictures of various locations of the warship on the projection screen and you lean forward for a better look. “Outside the corridor, Liquid's soldiers will be out in full force. Inside, there'll be unmanned weapons waiting for us.”

“Where are you getting all this information? You really think there's a way to destroy GW?” Despite his intentions, Snake doesn't look really convinced about the plan.

“Yes, I do," Mei Ling says. "She… left us something that'll point us in the right direction.”

Otacon takes off his glasses and stands up, wearing an expression of melancholy that he can't hide. “Naomi helped with preparations to stop Haven's launch. All of our internal data on Haven came from her. The reason she got on the Nomad with us in the first place… was to get close to me. But she ended up turning to Sunny instead.”

Snake frowns. “What do you mean?”

“She left her plan in Sunny's hands.” 

_Her plan?_

“This entire operation is based on the data she left us.” Mei Ling's comment leaves Snake at a loss for words and you can see the confusion on his face. He wasn't expecting that.

The man coughs, lying against the back of his chair. “Whose side was she on anyways?”

Otacon shakes his head and looks to the ceiling with a wistful look. “We'll never know exactly what her true intentions were, but one thing's for sure— she was determined to stop Liquid.”

With that, he returned to his seat, an aura of defeat and grief around him as he kept his gaze on the floor beneath. He still is devastated at Naomi's death, and you admit you feel bad for her too. She's made a great sacrifice to help you out and it's up to you to ensure it's not in vain. If this operation is based on all the intel she provided, then she's your only hope to get to GW in the first place. 

An awkward silence takes over the dark room and Meryl shifts with unease. Morale isn't high in the room and everyone's dispirited, wondering if there's even a chance to succeed. “Come on, guys; somebody say something positive. Anything!”

“Attention, listen up!” Mei Ling's dark eyes seem to glint and she raises her hand to get the attention of everyone. “A wise man once wrote the tongues of dying men enforce attention, like deep harmony. Where words are spent, they are seldom spent in vain.” Her words don't seem to have the desired effect, though, for no one is especially moved by them and you only hear some weary sighs. Poor Mei Ling can only smile with embarrassment and shrug. “Any other questions?” When Snake raises his hand, she nods and points at him. “Yes, Snake?”

“Anybody got a smoke?”

At that moment you can't help but chuckle, feeling genuine amusement. Even in such a dire moment he's able to find the strength to crack a joke and that's something you admire in him. Somehow, it tells you that everything will be alright.

**************

After the briefing, you walk out in a haste intent on getting to Raiden as fast as you can. He's in a delicate state after being crushed by Haven. His only arm was destroyed and his abdomen had been ripped open, exposing his insides of artificial muscle fibers, polymeric bones and wires. There isn't much the doctors aboard the Missouri can do for him other than try to keep him stable to the best of their abilities, until a cyberneticist can take over.

It won't be an easy job, though. Having had his left arm destroyed, it's difficult to recover the data stored in it, which included the blueprints of his body. The data is most likely corrupted and the retrieval procedure will require several weeks— a dangerously long time. And since the left arm is directly connected to the cranial nerves, its loss will stimulate his hippo-campus. This meant two things; Raiden can be afflicted by flashbacks of his past or... he can lose his memories.

The latter is which keeps you in a state of panic, although you know you're being too selfish thinking about yourself. Still, the prospect terrifies you. What if he's forgotten about you? What if he wakes up and has no idea of who you are? What if all the  
memories you've made together are gone? You can't bear to think about that.

The most important for you is that he lives. 

The equipment from the Nomand has been brought to the Missouri to monitor Raiden's vital signs, at the very least. His wounds have been sealed to prevent any more blood loss but his left arm had to be amputated. An infusion of white blood and constant dialysis was in order, as well as the administration of sedatives. Surprisingly enough, Raiden's condition is stable, and you remember Dr. Madnar's words. He said that it's more likely for Raiden to die of autotoxemia without a dialysis than because of physical trauma— that his body is a sturdy structure, made to resist damage beyond human limits. You're not sure how much truth there's to that, however. His body may have been a machine but he retains human parts. His head doesn't have the same superhuman endurance that his cyborg body has. It's a miracle there aren't significant traumas on his skull, but he's under observation for the time being. 

Raiden is unconscious now, but he briefly came to before you retired to the briefing room. When he looked at you he said her name, one time and again. And while it hurt to know he still thought about her, you tried to understand that this was a life or death situation and your feelings were in second place. The loss of his left arm surely is the cause of all those flashbacks, making him feel disoriented and confused, or that's what you want to believe. Worst case scenario is that he truly forgot about you but, at the moment, you're more worried he survives.

Taking a seat by his side, you watch him as he sleeps soundlessly. It takes you back to those days when Raiden was recovering, after rescuing him from the Patriots and you wonder if he's always bound to be hurt. If only you could protect him, there would be no need for him to go through all this pain. Since he was born, that's all the knew. 

You make a grab for his hand but realize that it's not there anymore. Instead, you hold his pale cheek and linger there for as long as you can, sensing how cold it feels. Your heart aches at the sight, and you want to throw yourself on his chest and cry. But you have to be strong for a little while— do this for him and those who are counting on you. 

“You know, I used to believe when this was over we would start anew… a clean slate— that we would live the life that was denied to us for so long. But now I keep thinking that one of us may not live to see the end.” You smile sadly, caressing his face. “Promise me, no matter what, you'll live. I need you. Please, don't leave. I…” It's difficult to speak with the knot in your throat, and your jaw tightens as you press your forehead against his. You have to say it before it's too late. “I love you, Jack. Even if your heart is still hers, I'll wait until you are ready to let me in.” Even if he still feels something for her, you know you can change that in time. “But there's one more thing I have to do. Wait for me, please.”

The truth is you don't know if you'll return.

**************

You prepare for the strike before dawn, intent on fulfilling your duty. This is the moment you've been waiting for during many years, and now it's finally coming to an end. It's a strange sensation the one that overwhelms you and it's hard to believe that you've made it this far. Today is the day where the fate of mankind will be decided. You can't deny that deep inside you're scared— a single mistake and all will be lost— but you're decided to give your best, even if it's the last thing you do.

After donning a new uniform, you choose your equipment and weapons. There's a rumor going on in the ship about a gun launderer on board and that he's the one that provided armament for everyone. Frankly, it's not something that surprises you. The PLA had resorted to similar methods on several occasions to unlock good equipment. Since the system is in a lock down, it's not strange they'd require such services from the man.

You volunteered for the task with Mei Ling, but Snake doesn't know you're coming along. When he sees you approach the team, ready for deployment, he frowns and grabs your shoulder to stop you.

“What are you doing here? I thought you'd stay with Raiden.” Despite the vexation in his voice, there's concern in his gaze and he tries to hold you back from joining Meryl and the blonde man, whom she called Akiba. You've briefly met with them before and while the woman seems more than capable and ready for the mission, you can't say the same about the man. You guess beggars can't be choosers. Hopefully he won't die at the first chance.

“I know what you intend to do,” you tell him quietly, refusing to look away. For a moment, Snake is taken aback but doesn't try to deny or confirm your statement. He just lets go and sighs, shaking his head.

“(Name), you don't have to do this.”

“Of course I have to. I've made up my mind, and I can't back down now that we've made it this far. I've waited years for this moment and, now that we're finally here, I won't watch from the sidelines. This is my war and I'll fight it till the end.”

“But Raiden—”

The mention of his name makes you hesitate for a second. You're risking far too much with your decision, you know it, but you can't bring yourself to step aside now. Not when the end is so close. Not when you still owed her. “Snake, I made a promise to EVA. I won't betray her last wish.”

This is your last mission and you won't fail her.

*************

The landing isn't something you can describe as pleasant but, at least, you didn't break a bone. After contacting with Meryl, you find she isn't faring any better and Akiba has fallen into the sea. The poor guy surely has some bad luck, and you can only hope he's alright. Alas, the team has to proceed without him. There's no time to waste and Meryl tells you to go ahead.

Thankfully, Snake and Otacon aren't far away from your position and you meet with them on time, before Haven Troopers begin to approach. You inch closer to Snake, gripping your weapon and remaining out of sight of your enemies. “They still don't know where we are. Let's keep it that way for the time being, at least until we're in.”

“Yea, but I doubt it's gonna be that easy,” he grunts with a frown.

“Come on, Snake, cheer up. We'll make it through this. We'll split up and I'll take the left. Then we'll meet at the other side and proceed to the command center below. If possible, avoid contact.”

“You don't have to remind me.”

There are numerous Haven Troopers and Gekko patrolling the deck of the warship, and the further you move on the more difficult it gets to elude the enemy, although not impossible. Timing and swiftness are of utmost importance, but when there's no other option you resort to non-lethal take-downs. Vital signs are monitored via nanomachines, so if you kill one Haven Trooper now you risk getting caught.

You finally reunite with Snake on the far side of the ship, and then you continue to an elevator. According to the intel, it connects to the command center which is in the heart of Haven. It takes a while before you can reach the computer room and, when you finally do, you find Meryl lying on the floor, unconscious or…? At that moment you enter a state of alert while Snake rushes to the red-haired woman but, before he can do anything, you're surrounded by Haven Troopers at every angle.

 _So much for stealth_ , you think as you take aim at your foes and find no other option but to engage in combat. However, when you wipe out the enemy there's a much more serious threat you have to deal with. Meryl opens her eyes and she groans in pain, trying to get up. At that moment, you notice something odd in the way she moves. She looks like a ragdoll… as though she's not in control of her own body. You can see the panic and fear in her face as she tries to speak, fighting to move her jaw. 

Something's wrong with her. Your eyes wildly scan the surroundings for any impending danger and then you see it— the beast of beasts. Screaming Mantis is hovering above you, her numerous arms undulating in the air, and although her face is covered by a helmet you know her gaze is glued on Snake.

“Snake… Run!” Meryl finally manages to say before Screaming Mantis fires. As fast as you can, you throw yourself at Snake to get him out of harm's way. What seems like a ball of fire dissolves in the floor and you look up, searching for her but she's nowhere to be found. That's until an evil laughter echoes in the room, making your blood run cold.

“I know your wavelength,” Screaming Mantis hisses with cruel amusement, her voice distorted. “It brings back memories.” Her voice resounds everywhere but you can't succeed at getting another glimpse of her. It's like she's vanished all of a sudden. 

“It can't be,” he whispers, holding his M4 as he watches Meryl point her Desert Eagle at him. She's fighting against her body and her expression says she's desperate to stop herself from hurting him, but she's unable to. She's being controlled and Screaming Mantis is the one holding the strings, manipulating her as a puppet. With her other hand, Meryl takes out her handgun from the holster on her thigh and slowly she begins to point her at her temple, face contorted in fright as she waits for the end.

“Snake…” It sounds more like a goodbye rather than a plea for help and the man by your side grits his teeth, his eyes wide.

“Meryl, don't!” He screams with deep anguish, but there's no use. He can't save her. He won't make it in time. She shuts her eyes tight as the barrel of the gun connects with her head, finger about to pull the trigger. 

A gunshot booms in the room and Meryl screams, falling to the floor on her hands and knees. It takes you a few seconds to realize that she's still alive and you breathe a sigh of relief. However, your attention goes back to Snake when you see him aim his weapon at the entrance of the command center. Thinking that there are more Haven Troopers to fight, you join his side but are surprised to find none other than Akiba standing there. The Barrett resting on his shoulder is giving out smoke from its muzzle, a sign that it was recently fired.

“Johnny!” Meryl gets on her feet with difficulty, trying to approach him. Akiba runs to her, but before they can say anything else two dead Haven Troopers raise, blueish auras around their bodies. This has to be Screaming Mantis's work, you have no doubts.

“Wait, Akiba!” Snake tries to alert his friends of the danger, but it's too late. Akiba swiftly turns around and the only thing he can do is shield Meryl before the shooting begins. They fall to the ground as you and Snake engage the enemy, trying to clear the room as quick as you can from those zombies.

When you're done, you jump at the sound of Screaming Mantis's malicious laughter. Turning around to face her, you see her levitate closer. “It has been a long time, Snake.”

“You… Psycho Mantis?” He frowns, clearly not believing what he's seeing.

“No, that was another me. Can you hear the screams?” She replies, laughing maniacally. “They cry for battle. Let me hear you scream, howl, roar, from the very depths of your soul!” Her hand extends towards Meryl as she bellows her words, and then a fire ball comes from one of the dolls hanging at each side of her. It engulfs Meryl but she doesn't burn, much to your surprise. Instead, she becomes a rag doll again, unable to control her body anymore, and you come to realize this is Screaming Mantis's method of manipulation.

However, when she tries to do the same on Akiba she's unsuccessful to bring him under her influence. “What's this?” She's annoyed at the failure and tries once more, firing a strange yellow energy at the blonde man but she has no effect on him whatsoever. “I see…” Screaming Mantis grumbles before levitating higher to the center of the room, firing blue lights at the corpses of Haven Troopers and bringing them to life.

If you hope to reach GW in time, you have to put her down no matter what.

*************

Not only do you have to deal with Haven Troopers turned into zombies, but you also need to be careful when Screaming Mantis uses Meryl against you. Hurting Meryl is out of question, so Snake uses non-lethal methods on her in hopes this would stop her.

Meanwhile, Otacon tells you his theory of how Screaming Mantis is able to control her victims through nanomachines. That would explain why she wasn't able to get her hands on you, since you're not in the system. Does that mean Akiba doesn't have nanomachines either? Snake doesn't have it so easy, and he has to use a nanomachine suppressor but at least he can escape from her influence. Whilst he deals with her, you try your best to keep Haven Troopers at bay.

Her dolls are her most feared weapon but they're also her weakness, you discover when Snake knocks them free of their strings and uses them against her, setting them on fire. Screaming Mantis, unable to suppress her own nanomachines, howls in pain as her body is violently yanked upwards before she goes limp and falls. But she stops, a few inches from the floor and is suspended in the air as her knives plummet and embed on the surface all around her. 

A strong surge of power takes you off guard as the blades start to spin around her, swooshing the air with a speed so ferocious that it creates a vicious wind. Her armor falls apart piece by piece and you have to avoid the parts that come at you flying, threatening to leave a nasty bruise. But when you think you're relatively safe, her knives are projected out and away from her. You try to duck as fast as you can but when your cheek starts burning you know you've barely managed to do it. With a hiss of pain, you bring your fingers to eye level and see them coated with blood. That was too damn close!

Snake advances on Screaming Mantis as she lies on the floor, unconscious. A catsuit covers her body, and its greenish texture gives the impression she's smeared in a rather strange substance. You decide to tag along but, when you take the first step, her body convulses and rises slowly, as though it has a mind of its own. It's not long before she's crawling on her knees towards you, rolling down a flight of stairs before she gets on her feet, taking a few wobbly steps. There's something very odd about her behavior, and you can't help but feel uneasy as she jumps another flight of stairs and falls down again with a pained scream.

What is she trying to do?

Screaming Mantis rolls on her side and gets up with a wretched groan. Her gaze has been down at all times, but when you're finally able to get a good look at her you're stunned to find that beneath the beast there's a beautiful woman. It's no wonder the unit she's part of is called Beauty and Beast, a group of ruthless female soldiers that instilled terror wherever they went. 

“I hear them in my head… the screams!” She looks around wildly, as if she's woken up from a nightmare into another, covering her ears with her hands. “Make them stop, I don't wanna hear them anymore!” With wide eyes she falls on her behind, trying to crawl away from an unseen foe. “I'm scared, I'm so scared! My head, it hurts!” She sobs, holding her head in her hands and shaking it from side to side. Then her gray eyes look up and she starts swatting away at unseen hands. “I'm sorry, have mercy!” 

Screaming Mantis shrieks in horror and scrambles to her feet, drawing away from the demons hurting her in her mind. It's a sight that wrenches your heart and you recall unspeakable memories of your past, when you see her pound against an imaginary door, begging to be left out with desperate screams. 

Holding her throat, she collapses and remains there. Sharing a look of apprehension with Snake, you make your way to her body to verify if she's still alive. However, a gasp from her has you stopping in your tracks and staring as she rises with a hand on each side of her head.

The green on her suit fades, revealing grayish tones, and she turns to Snake with a disturbing smile. “Forgive me.” Her gray eyes soften when she gazes at him, but before long anger flashes in them and she extends her hands towards the man, a scream tearing out from her throat. “Set me free!”

She wants to be released from the pain that has poisoned her life for a long time, the fear that has taken root in her soul— the sorrow she can't let go. And while you're not sure of what Snake will do, you know that it's not her fault what she's become.

She's a prisoner of her own fate.

***********

Meryl insists for you and Snake to keep going, while she stays behind to stop Haven Troopers from going after you. You offer to help but she refuses and, while you feel guilt-ridden to leave her, you remember that you promised to follow Snake until the end and that's what you'll do. You can only hope to see her again. Despite you've met her for a brief time, you've come to appreciate her tenacity and courage— the way she never gives up even when the odds are against her.

As you and Snake advance, you find enemies on the way. You're aware that the closer you are to GW the more resistance you'll find, but there's no other way. It's either all or nothing and you won't back down.

“Come on, Snake, hurry!” You tell him as you dash down the corridor, stopping when you realize he's fallen behind. “Snake?” He grunts and covers his eyes, his steps wobbling as he collapses on his knees and the weapon in his hold drops. He's coughing and choking, holding his chest, and you panic at his state. “Snake!” Otacon shares your concern for the old man, hurrying to his side, and when you approach him you spot the enemy at the end of the corridor. “Contact!” Without a second to spare, you fire at them in an effort to protect your comrades. You try to hold the Haven Troopers back, but the situation you're in is too dangerous. In the open, you're an easy target and it won't be long before you're dead. “What's wrong, Snake?!"

“The shots… they're not working,” he chokes out, wriggling in pain on the floor.

“Come on, get up!” Otacon freaks, hitting his friend with the screen of the Mk. III in a futile attempt to make him react to the danger around him. “On your feet, Snake!”

You try your best but it's impossible. They're too many and soon you'll be overpowered, cornered with no way to escape. Drawing out your handgun, you prepare for a last stand before your ammo runs out. Then you'll use your knife, and when there's no knife you'll use your hands. You won't go down without a fight, even if this is the end of the line. The only thing you regret is that you won't see Raiden again, but you know he'll understand why you have to do this.

There's no way you're giving up after coming this far.

The bullets have run out and the enemy is closing in on you, HF machetes at the ready as you wield your knife, defying them to lay a finger on Snake. They slowly move ahead, trying to intimidate you with their considerable larger blades but you stand your ground. 

"I'm sorry..."

But as they're close to strike, you see a dark blur dash past you out of the corner of your eye, so swift that you're caught off guard at the new presence that disrupts your concentration. When your sight settles on the back of a black leather trench-coat, and the shape of shaggy blonde hair, you can't believe who's standing before you.

“Jack…” A breathless whisper leaves your lips and you're unable to hold back a smile. 

The handle of his HF blade is between his teeth, and crackles of electricity run across his body. Raiden doesn't turn around, focused on his foes, and before long you witness with bewilderment when lightning strikes down two Haven Troopers and their bodies glow with a bright blueish aura as they fall.

What the hell did just happen? Did he... did he just—?

“I am lightning. The rain transformed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are appreciated! We're close to end, wow :D I'll try to finish chapter fourteen as soon as I can. I'm getting a bit lazy, I guess, so forgive me for the repetitive and dull narrative. My brain is kind of burnt out at this point.


	14. A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Time for another update :D well, I think next chapter should be the last but I still don't know. It could end in chapter 15 or 16. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this ;u;
> 
> **Warnings:**
> 
> Unbetaed work. OOC.

* * *

Raiden says nothing, moving forward without the slightest hesitation, and you watch amazed as his foes draw back, fearful of him. You take this chance to help Snake on his feet, noticing how tired and weakened the man is as he leans his weight against your body. Slinging his arm around your shoulders, you walk towards Raiden, jumping in surprise when another strike of lightning fries two more Haven Troopers. Only two remain, and they're hesitant to attack you so long as Raiden is in the way.

As you approach with Snake, Raiden stops at the end of the corridor and in a brisk move snaps his head to one side, stabbing his HF blade on the wall. The unexpectedness of his actions make you halt in your tracks, and you're confused at his behavior. What has gotten into him?

“Snake, leave this to me. I'll go to the server room.” he says after a moment, never turning to look at you in the eye. Your eyes widen in panic and you're tempted to reach for him but Snake stops you, giving you a stare that tells you he'll deal with his friend. Removing his arm off of you, he stands tall and proud, his gaze fixed on Raiden as he places a hand on the blonde's shoulder. 

“The corridor’s full of microwaves.” Snake walks past him and gives a friendly pat to Raiden’s chest. “One of us is enough.”

“My body is a machine. I can take it,” Raiden argues, trying to convince the older man to let him take his place, but Snake is having none of it. 

“Your body may be a machine but your heart is human,” he says, drawing a gasp from your lips as you hear those words— the ones you've told Tifa once when she tried to convince you that you could never be happy with Raiden. “You've got a life to go back to.” Raiden meets the older man's eye with hesitation, and Snake nods in your direction with a slight tilt of his head. When he stares at you, the blonde's gaze softens, mixed emotions swirling in its blue depths. You understand his dilemma— he doesn't want to leave his friend alone. He feels guilty for doing so, and Snake knows what he's thinking. “You still have your youth. You can start over, together. From here on, this is my fight. I… we tore the world apart, made your life a living hell. It's my duty to put an end to all this.”

Raiden sighs but another longing look your way tells you he knows where his heart lies, and it's with you. He nods, acknowledging Snake's advice. “Alright, we'll make sure they don't get through.”

“Stay with me, Snake. Hold on until we insert the virus!” Otacon urges the man, trying to encourage him to go on.

Snake retrieves the HF blade and presents it to Raiden, who grips the handle between his teeth. He focuses on the remaining Haven Troopers and, immediately, they back down at the threat he signifies. Despite his lack of arms, they know better than to underestimate him and are aware he won't be easy to defeat. Even with teeth and feet alone, Raiden is still dangerous and his prowess and agility are hard to match. His determination also gives him an edge, and he stands his ground without fear or indecision, ready to protect you as he forces the enemy to withdraw so you can advance. 

Before Snake follows, you grab his shoulder and place a quick kiss on his cheek, leaving him speechless at your actions. The truth is, you can't help it— you can't hold back your feelings of gratitude for what he's doing for you and Raiden. He's giving you a chance to pick up broken dreams and go on, a chance for the future.

“Thank you,” you whisper in his ear, a bittersweet smile on your lips. “You truly are the Legendary Soldier.”

Snake grumbles something under his breath, drawing closer to Raiden while you snatch a machete from one of the corpses. He won't face this alone, not while you can still help him. When he reaches the entry to the microwave corridor, enemy reinforcements arrive and you hurry to take your place next to Raiden. You're ready to fight until your last breath if necessary. Still, that doesn’t mean you want to die today but it's a possibility that you can't ignore.

The door automatically slides open and Snake turns to the Mk. III. “Otacon, lock it from the inside.”

“Done,” Otacon rushes inside and Snake goes after him, casting a glance behind his shoulder like a last goodbye. 

“Thank you… Snake,” Raiden says before the man disappears behind closed doors.

You take your place by Raiden's side, standing back against back, whilst more Haven Troopers surround you, machetes drawn. Fingers wrapping tightly around the hilt of your own machete, you assess your environs and the fact that it's only you two against many of them. In any other circumstances, you would have concerned yourself over the chances of getting out of the situation alive. Now you only have one goal in mind and it's surviving, no matter what. No matter how ugly things get, you won't fail this last test. Taking a deep breath, you adopt a fighting stance and focus on the foes ahead, watching their every move— waiting for them to attack at the first chance you lowered your guard.

_You won't fall._

“(Name)?” His voice is calm, body pressed against yours. A smile tugs at the corner of your lips and you find yourself chuckling at the situation, for some reason. The truth is, something tells you that as long as you're together everything will be fine. “I got your back this time.”

_You won't fear._

“I got yours, Jack.”

The battle is brutal and relentless. Despite Raiden's ability and strength, you're being overpowered by the enemy. Slashing at all angles, one after one you counter their attacks and wound them, but they're far too many for you to battle. Quicker than you imagined your fears become a reality, as you find yourself painfully at disadvantage before their large numbers and brute force. Still, you don't give up in your efforts and keep up even when your body is wearing, muscles aching and heartbeat ringing in your ears. 

You promised Snake you'd hold them up and that's what you'll do. You have to hold on, until Snake can get to the server room. He's counting on you. If you failed, everything will be lost. They will kill him and all would have been for nothing. There's no way you're letting that happen. Not now. You have to fight to see another day, to take back the life that was stolen from you all those years. A new chance waits for you at the end of this journey— one you believed was lost.

So close you can almost touch it.

“(Name)!”

But it seems to slip away, when you fall down on your back and watch a machete come down to you. Survival instinct kicks in and you bring your own blade in between to shield you, before your foe sinks her weapon in your skull. Gritting your teeth, you struggle to maintain the tension in your muscles and fight the might of her powered suit, but she's got the upper hand and you're losing vigor little by little. 

Out of nowhere, the strain she's been exerting over you disappears and you're caught off guard when she strikes again, the tip of the blade coming straight to your face. Barely, you manage to get your head out of the way in time and the machete stabs on the floor, dangerously close to your shoulder and neck. It's then that you see an opening and go for it, slicing at her neck right under her helmet. She gives a strangled cry, clutching her throat as blood slides between her dark-gloved fingers and before long she falls to the floor, body convulsing in her last moments. 

There isn't time for you to catch your breath, for another Haven Trooper comes charging at you when you're trying to get on your feet. The pressure to ward them off has increased since you've become separated from Raiden, and you have to shield from attacks that come from all places. He seems to be struggling to do the same in the other side of the room and, despite your attempts to reach him, the enemy has you surrounded.

All of a sudden, a Haven Trooper knocks the HF blade out of his mouth with a swing of her machete, and the sword clatters several feet away from him. The force behind the blow has Raiden’s face turning to the side, his body losing balance briefly. In his moment of confusion he lowers his guard, and two Haven Troopers stab him on the back before two more rush and stab him on the chest. He emits a gurgled cry, spitting white blood, and collapses with a thud after they violently yank the machetes from his synthetic flesh. 

“Jack!” Again you attempt to near him but they hold you back, clashing blades with you. “Dammit,” you mutter with anger as the enemy corners you, keeping you away from him. Still, you can make out his form sprawled on the floor, scurrying away from the enemy that closes in on him, machetes drawn and ready to kill him. You need to get to him, help him— you can't abandon him! “Hold on!” Slashing a few Haven Troopers out of your way, you try to advance but more block your path and you curse under your breath. Suddenly, arms trap you from behind and a punch in your gut follows, knocking the air out of your lungs. Your grip on the machete becomes loose until it drops from your hand, leaving you disarmed. But you waste no time to bring your feet to the chest of your enemy, kicking hard. “Jack!”

Thrashing and struggling to break free, your efforts are in vain and you see your chances to live diminished when a blade is close to sink in your torso. However, the strike never comes and you stare dumbfounded as the soldier stops almost at the last second. She remains frozen, and you're uncertain as to what has caused her strange behavior, before the machete drops with a rattle and the restraint on your arms disappear.

There's quietude and then you hear it… the screams and howls that resound in unison in a spine-chilling chorus. The women grab their heads, madly clawing at their helmets, unable to find peace when emotions suppressed for too long resurface in a whirlwind. Raiden lies forgotten amid the commotion and you take the chance to rush to him, pushing everyone out of your way.

“Jack!” You kneel by his side, take him by the shoulders and rest his upper body on your lap. Your hand goes to his chest, covered by a bulletproof vest, fingers brushing against the stains of white blood.

His half-lidded eyes wrench your heart, as he gives you an exhausted smile. “It's over.”

“Yes.” You laugh, tears blurring your sight. It's almost hard to believe. It's finally over, after so long a battle— after so many losses and sacrifices. Your mission is accomplished. Now you can move on, you can live. Now you can be free. “We did it, Jack.”

“I'm ready to go home, (Name). I don't care where, so long as I'm with you. I've waited for too long...” He takes a deep breath and his tired blue eyes close slowly, head lolling against your stomach. You hold his cheek, patting it to keep him awake.

“I'll take you wherever you want. We'll get vacations, the best ones you've ever had. Just stay with me, please. Don't leave me.” Your jaw trembles, and your arms wrap around him to bring him close to you. Your hand brushes his blonde hair away from his pale face and you shake his body, hoping to get some reaction but he doesn't move. He's very still and you're terrified, devastated at the thought he's gone. “Jack, wake up. Jack!”

_You can't lose him._

**********

With the fall of SOP, the war economy is over and the world can be one once more. Now that the Patriots are gone, people can be free and find peace at long last. You know that some things won't change overnight, and that it's a long way towards transformation, but you have faith that someday you'll get there. The sins of those who came before you won't be left to the future— they won't hurt anyone else.

It has been a long and difficult journey, but in the end you have no regrets. In the end, the only thing that's left is trying to live the remaining days the best that you can. That's what you intend to do now, what you should have done a long time ago but were too blind to realize just how short life is to spend it in bitterness and hopelessness.

Making your way through the corridor, you adjust the bags in your hands when you reach the door. With a smile, you face your little companion and place a finger on your lips to keep them silent. Your hand grasps the knob and turns it, opening the door quietly before you poke your head in the room. The sound of the TV on drifts to your ears and your eyes survey the place, until they settle on a certain man lying in bed. 

The sight is similar to that time he was under Dr. Madnar's care. Raiden is surrounded by life monitoring machines in a hospital in Baltimore, Maryland, recovering from a surgery that has replaced his cyborg implants with ones that resemble more a human body. This time, however, he's not the shell of a man he once was. He's not crying in fear, tormented by the horrors he went through— he's not desolate, waiting for the end. Instead, a smile comes to his lips when he notices your presence. 

You're happy to know he’s doing much better after the procedure he underwent, though he still can't move completely. The doctor, a specialist in cybernetic implants, said he still needed time to get accustomed to his new body, but he'll eventually regain control. 

“Hello there, handsome.” You wink at him with a playful smile.

“Hey there, gorgeous,” Raiden rasps, his expression sleepy but content. He had woken up a few days ago, after many believed he would die. Yet again Raiden proved them all wrong and survived, despite the severe damage he had endured.

“You have a special visitor today.” Your announcement earns you a raised eyebrow and a look of amusement.

“That much I knew when I saw you.”

“My, my, aren't you charming today? Thank you very much for the compliment, but it's not me.” Walking in, you look through the gap of the door and wave with your hand. “Come on in, sweetie.” It's then that Sunny shyly steps into view, her honey-colored eyes looking around her with curiousness until she catches sight of Raiden. You close the door behind you and then place a hand on her back, gently leading her to greet her hero. “Surprise,” you say in a sing-song voice and look up to him, noticing the joy in his gaze. “I promised to bring her as soon as you got better.”

“Jack!” She runs to him and grabs his hand, holding it close to her face. 

“Sunny…” He regards her with softness and affection, fingers flexing ever so slightly to cup her cheek. There's no denying of the love he feels for the little girl, and he's genuinely happy to see her. But then the smile fades from his face and it's replaced by confusion, at the same time Sunny's body begins to shake. “What's wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I'm s-sorry!” Her voice wavers as she tries to wipe the tears from her face. “I thought… I thought…” She can't say the words, but you infer that she thought he wouldn't make it— that she would never see him again. “I was scared!”

You pat her back and Sunny leans against you, wrapping an arm around your waist and letting you comfort her. “It's okay, sweetie. It's okay.” Fingers combing her golden locks of hair, you meet his troubled gaze and offer a reassuring smile. “She wanted to see you so bad she was keeping track of time. She really missed you."

At this, Raiden smiles back and slowly places a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Sunny, and I'm sorry.” He must feel remorse for putting the child through so much stress because of him.

“It's alright, J-Jack!” She chirps with eyes wide as she shakes her head, panicked at the thought she may have upset him. “You don't have to apologize. I understand. I'm j-just happy that you're safe and sound.”

You don't want to see her cry, so you clap your hands and grin. “Did you know this adorable girl is a hero? She perfected the virus that wiped the Patriots system and preserved our modern civilization. She's a genius and our savior!”

“But it was Naomi who wrote most of the code, n-not me!” Sunny gasps at your compliment and wipes her face with the back of her hand. Much to your surprise, you detect a faint shade of pink coloring her cheeks and she avoids your gaze. “I only wrote about a third o-of it, using some source code. It's nothing, r-really.”

“Well, that may be what you think but, the way I see it, if it hadn't been for you we would have never made it. Right, Jack?”

“Yeah. Thanks to you, we did it.”

Her tears dry and she smiles the sweetest smile you've ever seen. Your heart feels warm at the sight, and when Raiden looks at you with contentment in half-lidded eyes you know that this is a moment you never want to forget— never want to end.

You've finally found your place and it's brought you peace.

**********

Those hospital pillows are simply awful. That's why you’ve taken it upon yourself to bring him a new set that he can use, because the one he had was too small and thin for your liking. Raiden is quite pleased with the gift and happily sets his head on the fluffy cushion, thankful that he'll have a good night's rest at long last. Also, you buy shampoo, cream for his hair and face, a nice brush, and help Sunny prepare an iPod with his favorite music. He thanks Sunny for the thoughtful gesture, and says he'll listen to it later before sleeping.

The rest of your stay you watch TV with him and engage in merry chat. If there's something he loves with a passion, it's movies. No matter how bad people said a movie was, he still was willing to give them a try and judge for himself. It was one of the fun activities you shared together back at the base, whether it was planned or sporadic. However, you never went to the movies together so you made a mental note to take him there some other time and bring Sunny with you.

Raiden was interested in watching almost everything, although he wasn't too keen on action movies— the kind that featured macho guys. You can't say you are, either. Raiden and you saw plenty of action in the battlefield and the last thing you want is to watch a glorified interpretation of war. They're far from the real thing. 

All too soon night falls and you have to take Sunny back to Otacon, who's staying at a friend's house at the moment. Sunny is a bit saddened but she leaves, knowing that she'll return the next day. Before heading home, you stop to grab some food in a café. 

“You know? I'm happy you and Jack are together,” the child says with a smile, munching on her food and staring at the city through the glass of the window.

“Really?” You're surprised at her sudden words, but you return the smile with sincerity. 

“Yep!” She sounds so content, so full of life, and you can imagine why. Having lived aboard the Nomad for too long, this is the first time she's seeing the real world instead of pictures on the internet. “He looks a lot happier now. In the past, he always tried to smile but I knew. I knew that wasn't how he really felt. There was this shadow over him, and I wanted to help but I couldn't. He always left and, one day, he didn't come back.” Her eyes widen and she leans closer to you in a rush, her expression that of fear. “Will you stay, please? I don't want Jack to leave again.”

“We can work out something, right?” You brush some blonde bangs out of her face, and she seems to be more at ease. Raiden really means a lot to her and she adores him— she idolizes him as if he were her father. It's only natural she would when he saved her. You can't help but wonder if she feels the same way about Rose. Does she know her? How was her relationship with Raiden? You want to understand who the woman Raiden can't seem to forget is. “Hey, Sunny, by any chance have you met Rose?”

The girl gives you a confused look. “Who's Rose?”

So she doesn't know. He must have parted ways with the woman before meeting Sunny. “Oh, no one. Just an old friend you never met…”

The conversation moves to Otacon, afterwards. Sunny says he wants her to go to school, which you think is a fantastic idea. The child, despite her anxiousness, is eager to begin as soon as possible too although you're not sure if she'll stay there for long, given that she's a child prodigy with a brilliant future ahead. But the most important thing is that she lives like a normal child, that she has a family that loves her and that she's happy.

Maybe in time, you could take that place in her life. Just maybe…

After dinner, you take the girl in a taxi through the city. Sunny is so amazed at the world around her that she practically sticks her head out of the window, her eyes trying to catch every detail around her. She laughs with genuine bliss as the wind messes her hair, and you feel yourself wanting to look the world in her innocent eyes— find the child in you that died a long time ago.

When you reach Otacon's place and knock on the door he receives you. There's a worried expression on his face, though, and it takes you aback. “Ah, (Name), you're… early,” he says, clearly uncomfortable by your presence. He doesn't even look you in the eye and you wonder what's wrong.

When you glance behind him, you notice a brunette woman with medium length hair in the couch of the sitting room. Perhaps she was the owner of the house? A visitor? You try to say hello but she looks away as soon as her brown eyes meet yours. It's almost as if she's flustered you caught her staring, and she turns away from you. Strange. Have you interrupted something?

“Sorry, I didn't know you were busy. You could have told me to drop Sunny later. I could have taken her to my place.” 

“Oh, n-no! It's fine!” He fumbles with his words, embarrassed. “Thanks for taking care of Sunny.”

“It was no problem, really. I promised I'd take her to see Jack tomorrow, if that's okay with you of course.”

“Yea, sure!” He sounds nervous, fidgeting with the frame of his glasses every once in a while.

“Then see you tomorrow, Sunny,” you say goodbye to the child and she nods before happily skipping inside, leaving you alone with Otacon. Before he turns around to walk inside, you grab his arm and hold him back. You don't know what's going on and you're worried he's keeping you in the dark. “Everything okay there?”

“Yea…” Otacon trails off, throwing an uneasy glance towards the dark-haired female that still hid from you. “I'm fine, thanks. Don't worry about me.”

"Who's that woman?" 

"Ah, a friend..." He refuses to say more and, while you doubt he's telling the truth, you don't try to get more answers from him.

With a nod, you start for the taxi that's waiting for you at the side of the road. You'll have to trust his word. “Alright. See you tomorrow, then.”

On your way back to the hospital, you can't help but think there's something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for taking the time! :D_


	15. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mainly inspired by Beautiful Mirage from MGSV TPP soundtrack, so if you need something to set the mood for this chapter you can listen to it [[HERE]](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=r90zLIQclDo#Metal_Gear_Solid_V_The_Phantom_Pain_-_Beautiful_Mirage_-_An_Unexpected_Visitor)
> 
> Also, I’d like to share the playlist my friend Shion created for this fic :D [[HERE]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUL_-hDazL4&list=PLcjjiB0JOHgQdsWFf_b9rUliiee-JcUYC&index=1>%5BHERE%5D</a>), which is awesome!
> 
> ********************************************************  
>  **Warnings:**
> 
> Unbetaed work. Mentions of rape and child abuse.

* * *

He regains control over his limbs little by little. You accompany to his PT sessions and his doctor says he's shown remarkable progress in no time, thanks to his willpower and your support. Raiden is in a better mood, much better than you've seen before and that helps a lot too. Sunny visits often, also, and spends time with him, talking about her plans of the places she wants to take him around Baltimore when he's fully recovered.

He quite enjoys the company of the little girl, and she looks happier than ever by his side. For once, everything feels as it should be and a dark part of your life is coming to an end, at long last. There's a new life ahead to live and you intend to make the most of it. 

It's time to break free of the chains that tie you to your past, once and for all.

After a session of physical therapy in the evening, you return to his room. He's got a more solid footing and now is able to walk with a bit of help. Before he heads off to bed, you offer to take care of his hair and it brings a smile to his lips. Raiden lets you near him, unafraid, unashamed, without distrust. He knows it's only you, and you won't hurt him in any way— you won't judge him.

It's only you and him in this room.

“You have to look your best,” you tell him as you smear the cream bath on his blonde tresses, gently massaging his scalp in circles. A soft moan resounds in the back of his throat and you chuckle at his reaction, fingers tracing a path from his head to the back of his neck. “You know, I remember the first time I saw you. At that moment I thought what a long and beautiful hair you had. I think I was kind of envious of you.”

“You thought I was a girl.” He sounds amused by your remark and you shrug your shoulders, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Well, I thought you were really pretty, that's all. That shouldn't be something bad, right? In fact, I _still_ think you're quite the attractive man. You'd turn my head anywhere, any day.”

“I'd still turn heads anyway." In the blink of an eye, gloom takes over him as he examines his hands. "Look at me, even with artificial skin it's easy for them to tell I'm not human. I can see the pity in their eyes, disgust, hatred as if I chose any of this. I thought things would change, that we'd start anew but... can we really do it? Is this the life you want, with someone who isn't even human anymore? I’m a beast."

“Don't say that!” Wiping your hands with the towel on his back, you cup his cheek and make him look at you. His blue eyes are so full of hurt and sadness, as you hold his face between your hands. “Jack, you're all I want and all I need. I choose to be your side and we'll do this together. Things will get better for us, you'll see. I will take care of you, we'll have our own place and we'll live a life of our own for once. What does it matter what others think?"

He doesn't say anything, only stares into your eyes for the longest of times and then his hand slowly rises to touch your face. It brushes against your cheek and his index finger traces your lips with clumsy movements. He smiles with sadness before his eyes stray to the window when a soft pitter-patter catches his attention, suddenly.

“It's raining,” he whispers, watching as droplets of water slide down the glass, obscuring the sight of the trees outside.

“Yeah.” You continue your work on his hair and he sits on the chair in silence, gaze glued to the window and the lights in the distance. When you're done combing his hair back, your hands go his shoulders and squeeze slightly. “You're thinking about him, aren't you?”

Your question takes him off guard but he nods and lies back against the chair, sighing. “I wonder… what's become of Snake.”  
His concern is understandable. What you know is that, after the incident at Haven, Snake had survived the microwave corridor and an encounter with Liquid— something you still can't believe. However, after the fall of SOP you haven't seen him and the only thing that Otacon said was that Snake had left to take care of some ‘unfinished businesses’. Still, something tells you the man knows more than he lets you in on. As of late, he seems to know a lot of things he doesn't want to share. 

“Me too but, wherever he is, I trust he'll be fine. He's a tough guy.”

“He's a great man,” Raiden adds with conviction, to which you nod before wrapping your arms around him from behind.

“Yes, he is, and we owe him a lot. Maybe the world will never know what he did, but we'll always remember him. We'll always be grateful.” You feel him take a deep breath and he avoids your gaze, jaw clenching. It's not long before there's a moist spot on your arm and you realize that he's crying. Was it something you said? Did you hurt his feelings? Panicked, you let go and sit on the balls of your feet in front of him, taking hold of his hands. “Jack? What's the matter? I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I didn't—”

“No, it's not that.” He's smiling and laughing amid tears, as though he's come to realize something and is overjoyed for it. When he finally calms down, Raiden looks at you with a shine in his eyes you never saw before, and “I… I'm just... I'm so glad you're here, even when everyone's gone. I'm glad you stayed with me.”

“Oh, dear.” You caress his face, relieved to hear those words, and without thinking twice you crash your lips crash against his in a breathtaking kiss. You taste and breathe the salt of his tears with bliss, feel his mouth as it moves in time with yours with urgency, moan when his teeth bite you gently and his fingers bury in your scalp. 

It's not until you run out of air that you pull away but he brings you to sit on his lap, enveloping you in his arms. When you try to resist, telling him that he shouldn't exert himself too much, Raiden hushes your protests and holds you against his chest. You finally give in to him and your cheek rests on his shoulder, body relaxing little by little. His hand massages your back, his nose nuzzling your hair before he places a last kiss on your forehead. 

"I love you."

It takes you a moment to realize what he's said and, when you do, your eyes widen in shock at the unexpectedness of his words. His expectant looks says it all and you muffle a gasp with your hand, grinning all the while. It feels as if your heart is about to explode, and you hold him tight for fear this is only a dream from which you'll wake up. 

"I love you, too, Jack."

You stay like that for a while, enjoying the silence and holding each other... or until the cream starts oozing from his hair at least. You have him lean against the sink in the room, wash his hair and then dry it before brushing it until it's soft and silky again. 

“There, that's so much better. Now it's time you go to bed, okay?" You smile at him as he lies in bed, his expression sleepy but content. He hums a response and his eyelids drop slowly, his breathing becoming slower. Grabbing the sheets, you drape them over him even though he doesn't really need them but you don't care. It's not about whether he feels cold or not, but your desire to bestow affection on him any way you can. “Goodnight.” 

With a kiss, you intend to depart but his fingers find your hand and they wrap around your wrist, gently. “Can you… stay a little longer? Please.” He keeps his eyes closed, your hand on his chest where you can feel the soft beating of his heart. “I promise I won't take long.” 

“Alright.” When you concede his request, he loosens his hold and lets go. You take a seat on the edge of the bed and watch as he rolls on his side to get closer to you. “Now sleep. You need to rest. I'll be here when you wake up.”

You stroke his hair until he falls asleep, listening to the falling rain.

**********

Whilst you sit at a table of the cafeteria of the hospital, with a can of soda and a grilled sandwich of turkey and cheese, you continue your hunt for a job. It's not coming off easy for you, since most well-paid jobs either require a degree that you don't have or some kind of experience in the field. What will you say? That you used to kill people for a living but now want to change line of work? It doesn't help the fact that you're in your thirties or that you're from a country linked to Islamic terrorism.

Still, you have to get a job no matter what. Raiden won't be able to work anytime soon and you need an income that can cover both your expenses. The money you've saved won't last for long and the costs of the hospital are taking its toll on your funds. At least you got Raiden's to last for a while but one day it'll run out. You need an immigrant visa, also. At the moment, you're practically an illegal and that's something that worries you but, then, a thought comes to your mind. Raiden is American. If you marry him, you can get the US citizenship. Then it would be one less difficulty for you. Hopefully he'll agree to it. Well, you don't want to marry him just to get the citizenship but because you love him, too, and he knows it.

You'll ask him about it, but you're not certain on how to bring up the subject. It's not so much you're scared to propose him marriage, but the reason why you need to do it. You wished it would have been perfect, but when have things been perfect and convenient for you? 

At any rate, you'll have to think about getting two jobs and then finding a place to stay with Raiden. For now getting one is the challenge. You've gone to some interviews and were told that they'd consider you for the position, but you haven't gone any calls as of yet. You could always go for some kind of employment as security, although they'll surely ask for recommendations. Maybe you can work out something there.

For the time being, you'll just finish your food and then return to Raiden's room to sleep on the armless loveseat. You swallow the last of your sandwich and are about to gather your belongings when your phone starts ringing. Grabbing it, you examine the unknown number with a confused frown. Who can it be? For a moment you're tempted to ignore the call, until you realize it can be for one of the jobs you applied to. Pressing the screen to answer, you bring the phone to your ear, heart beating in anticipation.

“Hello?”

There's a brief pause on the other end of the line, but soon a feminine voice speaks. “Ms. (Last Name)?”

“Yes, it's me.” _Please let it be good news_ you pray, brushing a hand against your weary face.

Another pause, but this time is much longer and it makes you wonder if she's still there. “I'm a friend of Dr. Emmerich. I was with him when you dropped Sunny at his place. Do you remember?”

That was a few weeks ago but you remember her, the dark haired woman who avoided your gaze. “Yea, I do.” You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. It seems that there isn't good news after all, or any news at all. Why is she calling you, anyways? “Is there something you need?”

“I know this may sound strange, and I apologize for asking this, but… I'd like to meet with you.”

“May I ask why?” You didn't even know this woman. Why is she so interested in talking to you?

“I think it would be in our best interests to have a conversation as soon as possible.” Her voice is soft and soothing, but there's a certain hint of uncertainty in it and something tells you that you're not going to like what she'll say. “It's about Jack. I think there is something you should know about him.”

“Jack? What do you mean there's something I have to know? Is this some kind of joke?” This conversation is getting weirder by the time, and you clench your teeth in frustration.

“I assure you this is no joke. I need to talk to you, please. It's really important and I don't think we should discuss this over the phone. I have to tell you something that even he doesn't know.”

“And why can't you tell him? Why come to me instead of him?”

“I'm afraid it's not that simple. The reason I think you should know first is because this is something that will change his life and yours. That's all I can tell for the moment. You have to understand.”

Regardless of your reluctance, you can't deny she's stirred anxiousness and apprehension as to what she has to say. What is she hiding? What could possibly change your life to a point where there's no turning back? Is this the reason why Otacon looked so gloomy when he saw you the other night? He knew… she told him and that's why he was so uncomfortable in your presence, why he couldn't even look you in the eye anymore. There's something wrong and now you're scared, but at the same time you need answers. What is going on? What is this woman talking about?

Licking your lips, you close your eyes before heaving a sigh. It's a tough choice but you want the truth, whatever it is. “Alright, then.” You lie back against the chair and cross your legs, looking around the cafeteria and the people that come and go. “Can you… tell me your name?”

Your blood runs cold in your veins when you realize a ghost of the past has come to haunt you.

_“Rosemary.”_

**********

You meet with her the next day in a café, a few blocks away from the hospital. You see her enter the shop, wearing a coral blouse with black dressing pants and her eyes widen in surprise when she spots you, sitting at one of the tables. Rosemary approaches with poise, but you perceive the nervousness in her gaze and face as she takes a seat before you.

She's beautiful, that's something you can't deny. You've always wondered what kind of woman she was, how she looked like, and now that you have the chance to see for yourself it feels so... surreal. Bizarre. She's always been an idea… a distant notion of a woman that Raiden once loved. It's hard to accept that she's not a ghost of his past anymore but a woman made of flesh and bones. Still, that doesn't mean you don't feel fear. It scares you because you know that, deep down, he still holds feelings for her. You had hoped that in time you would fill the void she'd left, but with her unexpected appearance you're not certain of where you stand.

“I'm sorry for the delay. There was heavy traffic and—”

“There's no need to apologize.” You offer a forced smile, diverting your eyes elsewhere lest you'd give your own emotions away. While you don't trust her intentions, you don't think it's necessary to antagonize her. For now, at least.

When the waiter walks over to your table to pick up your orders, you simply ask for a coffee and she orders some tea. Sitting straight in her seat, Rosemary brushes a hand against her dark hair cut in a bob. “It's nice to meet you.”

“Same here.” You nod, trying to appear as calm as possible though you feel anything but. Despite the amenable mood she wants to set, there's a patent tension between you two.

“Jack… how is he?”

“He underwent surgery almost a month ago,” you say, meeting her concerned gaze. “Now he's at the hospital, recovering.”

“I found out what the Patriots did to him.” Rosemary shakes her head, distressed and remorseful at the though of what he's become. “It's… terrible.”

“I know. I met him before it happened, when we worked to rescue Sunny. The next time I saw him, he was turned into a cyborg. I saw the horrible things they did to him when we took him out of that place and I regret not getting to him soon enough.”

Her expression is one of surprise but then it's replaced with relief, and her smile is genuine. “I'm glad you saved him.” However, you don't return the gesture and she grows uncomfortable at your disposition. “I have to say that I wasn't aware Jack was with someone, until Hal told me. Maybe you're wondering who I am—"

“I know who you are,” you cut her off, wanting her to be over with it soon. "He told me about you."

“He… did?” She's perplexed and you can tell she didn't expect for Raiden to say anything about her.

“He said you went separate ways after… you lost your child and that you didn't want to see him anymore. He also said that he was sorry for all the wrong he did to you and I'm sure he always wished the best for you.” 

"Oh, Jack!" With that she looks down to the hands folded on her lap with grief and shame. “I'm so sorry that things were difficult between us. I felt so useless at the time because I didn't know how to help him, despite how much I wanted to. I was afraid of him, because he was so unpredictable sometimes and turned into a completely different man from the Jack I knew. It was even worse when he got home dead drunk, hurt from bar fights. When I tried to talk some sense into him, pleading for him to open up to me, he would lose it and leave me again. I know he escaped because he didn't want to hurt me but… I felt lonely, so guilty and powerless. Nothing I did ever seemed to help, only made matters worse. I wish I could have done much more for him. I thought I could protect him but I only ended up doing more bad than good."

“What do you mean?” Your brow furrows as you lean closer to her, waiting for an explanation. 

“I lied… about the miscarriage. The baby never died.”

You can't believe what you’re hearing. Is she being serious? “But… why would you keep that from him?” You frown, anger boiling under your skin. “Do you have any idea of the grief he still felt after years of believing his child was dead? He felt responsible for your loss!”

“I know! It hurt me to do it, lie to him, but I had no choice.” Her eyes well with tears and there's pain in her gaze. “I did what I did to protect him and our son.”

“He said you married another man.” How can you believe what she's saying? How can you know she's not playing tricks on you?

She shakes her head, trying to muffle her sobs. It's becoming rather awkward, with customers around glancing at you from time to time— even more so when the coffee and tea arrive. The waiter offers an apologetic look and you smile tiredly before he retreats. Whilst she dries her face, she drinks a few sips of her infusion but you can’t bring yourself to touch yours.

“I staged a marriage with his commanding officer to deceive The Patriots. If they had known about our existence, they would have used us against him. Jack would have had no choice but to do what they said. I thought he'd be safer without us on the picture.”

Her explanation makes sense and you can relate to it to some extent. That's what you did in order not to get involved with him, lest the Patriots would discover your ruse and retaliate. Still, this revelation changes everything for not only does the woman who has a special place in his heart appears but she also has given him a son. A knot forms in your throat at the thought of that and prevents you from speaking. _He has a son_ … a child of his own and it's like a stab at your heart. You know there's no way you can compete with that.

She takes a picture from her purse and passes it to you. “This is John.” You take it from her hand and your heart stops beating the sight of the kid. If you had any doubts about the legitimacy of her claims, now you know she's telling the truth. John is the spitting image of Raiden and a part of you yearns for the child, knowing he can never be yours— knowing he could have been yours. “I'm so sorry to disrupt in your life, but I needed to talk to you. I'm not here to fight over Jack. I just wanted you to know the truth before anything. It wouldn't be right to appear in his life again, after many years, telling him he has a child he never knew. I didn't want to ruin his chance with you."

"I appreciate your concern but... this isn't about me or you. It's about him and the baby he thought was dead. Don't you think he has the right to know?"

“I don't want you to think I’m trying to use John as an excuse. I don’t want Jack to feel forced to be with us when he’s rebuilding his life. I just want him to be happy. That's all.”

She… she was actually asking you for permission to tell him about John? Is she truly leaving the decision up to you? But… you can't. You can't do that to Raiden! “No,” you whisper, looking at her with disbelief. “Don't ask me to choose. Don't make me responsible for your mistakes just so you can have a clear conscience."

"I'm not trying to make you responsible for anything!"

“Do you think this will make him happy?” She looks surprised and just as she’s about to answer you cut her off. “I know Jack. He'll never forgive you or me if he finds out. You can't keep secrets forever. He has to know, not because I say so but because it’s the right thing to do."

“Are you sure about this? I don't want to come between you and Jack—”

“Rosemary, listen to me. I'm not doing this for you. Jack and I know what it's like to grow up without a family. I was a child soldier like him, and we've both seen and done things we're not proud of and we'll never forget.” With a shaky breath, you clench your teeth at the disgusting memories that flood your mind. “I could tell you a lot of things I went through when I was a little girl. You know which one still hurts the most? I was abused in a concentration camp when I was ten years old, along with many other people. The thing is, I can't bear any children... I'll never know what it feels like to grow life inside of me, because that gift was stolen from me. To tell you the truth, I envy you because you've given Jack something precious that I'll never have and I won't take that away from him. I'll never forgive myself if I do it.”

“I—”

“Do you love him, Rosemary?"

"What are you saying?" She flusters, looking away and you grow impatient.

"Answer me without any shame. Yes or no?"

At your harshness, she finally admits the truth and it shatters your hopes. "Yes."

"He still loves you. He never forgot you.” It hurts to say it but it's the truth. You still remember what happened at Shadow Moses. He said her name, not yours, in the brink of death. His last thought was for her, and that's all you need to know to whom his heart belongs. “I kept him alive. I brought him home. Now take care of him, that's all I ask. Goodbye.” 

She's stunned, and you take the opportunity to grab some cash from your wallet. Placing it on the table, you get up ready to leave as fast as you can. You need to get away from this place. You need to let the pain out in the solitude of your room, until your tears are spent. Tomorrow you'll find the way, but for now you just want to be alone and hide from the world. 

You turn away and leave, ignoring her calls. When you hit the streets, the rain pours down upon you and mixes with tears you've tried so damn hard to hold back. 

Now you know it was too good to be true. Now you know you have no chance.

When you arrive at the hotel room, as soon as you close the door your legs give out and you collapse to the floor. Your clothes are drenched, and the tears keep flowing as you wrap your arms around your legs. Your body shakes uncontrollably with breathless sobs. It takes all your self-control to hold your pain back, when you want to scream at the top of your lungs and ask Him why he's doing this to you. 

You should be happy for Raiden. He has a family now. He has a place in the world, by their side, and yet you can't bring yourself to let go of him so easily without feeling that your heart is being torn apart. You're being selfish, you know it, but it hurts that you can't be with him. It hurts that after everything you've been through together, there can be no place for you in his life. He has a son and you can't make him choose, for that would be too cruel. 

When you love someone you're not supposed to hurt them, lie to them. How can you live with yourself knowing that you failed him, that you’d ruined the life of that child? Your conscience won't allow it. Sooner or later you'll succumb to the weight of your sins and Raiden will hate you for it. John deserves a family. Raiden deserves a family, and you can give him a chance for a better life.

Something he'll never have with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the sad tone of this chapter, but today is a sad day for me indeed. The right wing won in my country, so yeah… I have the feeling bad things are coming for us— lower salaries, no social assistance, less funds for education, healthcare, science and technology among other things, privatizations and higher taxes, the IMF. All in all, it’s not a very pretty picture and I can’t help but think 51% of the people in Argentina made a huge mistake. I hope it’s me the one who’s wrong, of course, because I’d never wish something bad for my country, but I’m not really convinced by our new president.
> 
> Anyways, I’m not here to talk about politics but the story. I want to clarify this isn’t the end. I know everyone is mad at me right now and want to kill me for doing this but I think I should be honest with you, dear readers, since now you have a pretty good idea on how this story is going to end. Lying to you or getting your hopes high would be something bad to do. However, contrary to what some may believe, this isn’t going to have a sad ending— more of a bittersweet ending. No, the Reader isn’t going to die neither is she going to be left sulking over Raiden, but you’ll have to read the ending to know what I’m talking about. The reason why I’m doing this is because I don’t want to break the canon and turn the Reader into an inevitable Mary Sue that gets the guy at the end. This is me attempting to insert a new character without changing too much of the story, see a way to fit her into Raiden’s life and into the parameters of MGS4.
> 
> The second reason is that it’d be OOC for her and Raiden to do such a thing, and it’s not what I had planned from the beginning. She wants Raiden to live with his family because she lost hers when she was a kid and would feel guilty keeping Raiden away from John. Even if Raiden were to decide to stay with her, she’d still feel she’s interfering in their relationship because the kid needs his mom and dad— or that's how she sees it. The third reason is because I have some sort of MGR sequel planned, not a full fic but a one-shot… I think. I don’t really want to start a new fic ;A;
> 
> If there’s enough interest I may write an alternative ending to this. That way, I write the ending as I planned and leave readers satisfied :D
> 
> Well, I guess I should hide now because all of you probably want to murder me. I’m sorry. I guess I don’t really tend to write happy endings in most of my fics.


	16. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, I’m back with another update! Sorry this chapter is so short compared with previous ones, but I wanted to post it soon so I can stay active and avoid writer’s block. I have to say that this isn’t the end… not yet. I imagine that the next chapter is going to be the end of this fic and I really want to finish before I get distracted by other activities ;A;
> 
> Thanks everyone for the amazing feedback, which has made me cry with so many sad thoughts. Oh my god, everyone got back at me for the last chapter! No, really, you’re all amazing my dear readers ;u; I never thought I would get so much love, so thank you for the support to each one of you!
> 
> Also, I’ve used some headcanons that Shion suggested so I hope she doesn’t mind. Seriously, girl, your headcanons have given me life throughout the last part of this fic so I can’t thank you enough for keeping me motivated, just like my other beautiful friend Lulu! ;u; both of you are simply awesome and without you I would have never finished this fic. 
> 
> Song that inspired this chapter was I Believe by Melissa Hollick, featured in Wolfenstein: The New Order. You can listen to it [[HERE]](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=btslAdefZmI#Melissa_Hollick_-_I_believe._Lyrics._Wolfenstein%3A_The_New_Order.), if you're interested in setting the mood xD
> 
> **************************************  
>  **Warnings:**
> 
> Unbetaed work. Drama.

* * *

You spend the next couple of days locked in your hotel room, lying in a mess of sheets in your bed, lost in your own nightmare. Watching the sun rise and fall through the window, you don't feel the strength or will to move anymore. The world around you has become a strange place, somewhere you don't belong— somewhere you'll never fit. Things weren't exactly off to a good start, so you don't what you were expecting.

Oddly enough, after the first day you haven't shed anymore tears. After the self-loathing that consumed your soul only emptiness remains— one you feel deep inside, as evil voices whisper in your head. They threaten to make you go insane and you wish they would go away, that they would give you respite in your moments of grief. They hurt, telling you of everything you're not and will never be— your failures and the terrible deeds you've done. You cower under the covers, like a little girl, curling in a ball and hoping they monsters would leave you alone.

Why everything seems to be falling apart?

You never thought she would appear like this, walk back into his life after all these years. Did she not marry another man? Did she not tell Raiden she had lost his child? Yet here she is, not a ghost anymore but a real person, someone who still has a place in his heart— so real it hurts. You can imagine them together in your mind, embracing their little son, and it's the perfect portrait of a family. She's the embodiment of bliss, of lushness and beauty— the kind of woman a man strives to always cherish and protect. You can see her dark tresses mingling with his blonde hair, as she buries her face in the crook of his neck, and it feels like she was always meant to be there.

You're like the moon when the sun comes out. What light can you give before the radiance of a new day? What life can such a weak and cold glow sustain? What chance can you have now that the night is over and dawn has come?

You're unable to do a thing, barely recovering from a blow when another follows. It's more like a stab in the heart when you remember she's given something you can't, for you've been robbed of that hope long ago. They had created life together, whereas you'll always be barren on the inside. It shouldn't have hurt so much but it does, because the memories are painful and the wounds have reopened. Like a fool, you had thought you and him were alike in some way. It had made it all so much easier to get close, when the life he had tried to rebuild had fallen apart and you still were trying to find a place in the world. When two souls that had walked the same path for too long found each other, they sought solace in long sleepless nights. 

At least you can say you were the moon and stars in his darkness.

He told you about the dreadful experiences in the first Liberian civil war, when he was only a kid forced to kill— how it still affected him to this day, remembering the atrocious things he did and lived. He told you about the horrors in Area 51, when he was captured and had his body mutilated piece by piece— forced to be a beast, in his own words. And still, he felt the most miserable when you brought up Rose, refusing to tell you anything other than she meant nothing to him anymore. But you could see it in his eyes, the longing and the grief at the memory of what could have been— of what he lost.

He loved her deeply, but he knew they belonged to different worlds and that it could never work between them. She had found happiness in another man and they had a son, or that was what he thought at least. There was nothing he could offer to her but a life of sorrow and suffering, so he preferred to disappear from her life forever— retreat to the inferno of the battlefield again. That was when you met him, a tortured soul that had no will to live anymore, and you thought that maybe you could have a chance to pick up the broken dreams of the past together. You could have left it all behind, for once, and build a life where the demons of yesterday could not follow.

It was a beautiful mirage that kept you alive in the desert of despair, but it's not meant to be. Even if he chose you over them, you'd always live in Rose and his son's shadows thinking of what you've taken from the man you love— what he lost because of you. Would you steal the chance of a father for that child? You just can't do that. That kid is not to blame for the mistakes of his parents, and he doesn’t deserve your selfishness.

Even if Raiden were to choose you over him… 

He's got a responsibility now, a duty as a father, and it wouldn't be right that you intruded in their lives. You'll just have to step aside and move on. It's a cruel twist of fate but you'll live through this. No matter how many times you fall down, you'll get on your feet like you always did. That doesn't mean you don't feel pain, but you know that in time your heart will heal.

One way or the other.

*********

The next time you see Raiden you try to act normal around him, not wanting to make him suspicious with your sudden change in behavior. You arrive just when his nurse is making a routine check on him, and he doesn't seem too keen on it. Mainly he disliked when other people touched him or fixed their gaze on him for too long. He's still self-conscious about his own appearance and you know it makes it uncomfortable.

However when he sees you, his expression changes suddenly and his blue eyes light up as you walk in. The woman notices your presence, too, and offers a light smile while you leave your jacket and some shopping bags on the chair.

“Ah, good to see you're back, (Name),” the dark-skinned woman greets with a friendly voice, jotting down some notes on her board. "I was just finishing with Jack here." You notice the way he grimaces when she mentions his name, pursing his lips in a tight line and sighing. "Hope you don't mind waiting for a bit." Nodding, you cross your arms and watch her administer a dose of antibiotics and glucose-based nutrients on him. She informs you of his scheduled dialysis which will be in a few days and, after making sure everything is in order, she leaves Raiden in bed. Before she leaves, she approaches you and takes you outside, speaking in hushed tones. “I would suggest you don't leave like that again. It's put a lot of stress on him these past days, and emotional stability is important to ensure that he recovers completely. I'm sure you understand that.”

“Of course I do. I apologize for disappearing without a word. I've had some… unexpected complications and that's why I couldn't come.”

“I see but, please, take it into account in the future. He's been a bit difficult as of late, although nothing I couldn't handle. Still, your support is essential and your absence didn't go unnoticed. That's why I had to let you know. He's been getting out of his room frequently, wandering around the corridors in search for you. He even refused to cooperate in his PT sessions, saying he was waiting for you.”

What were you thinking?

“It won't happen again,” you assure with concern and embarrassment. Here you were, feeling pity for yourself when he needed you. The nurse merely nods and turns around, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Walking back inside you find him looking out the window, to the trees and the blue sky outside. The sun shines down upon his face and his eyes are paler than usual, almost gray beneath silvery bangs. 

“Hello,” you greet with a sad smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Where have you been?” He frowns, and you divert your gaze from his face. At least now you know that he's still oblivious to what's happened between you and Rose, which is a relief. She'll do it soon enough, no doubt.

“I'm sorry. I had… some interviews and I couldn't be here,” you lie. What else can you say? There's no way you can give him the news he's a father when he thinks his child is dead. And even if you tell him, how will he react? You don't have all the answers he needs, so it's best you stay away from the matter until Rose decides to take the first step.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't want you to worry.”

“I was more worried when you didn't show up for days. Sunny came to see me with Otacon and they were concerned, too. You didn't return their calls. What happened?”

At this, you bite your lips and brush a hand against your hair. “I forgot. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you feel like this.”

“It's okay, I'm just glad you’re here.” Raiden shakes his head, hand sliding across the bed-sheet and to your leg until it find yours. The gesture brings a smile to your face and you intertwine your fingers with his, happy for his words. "I missed you."

“I missed you, too,” you pause, licking your lips that have suddenly become dry, “I brought something for you.” You retrieve the bags and place them next to him, earning a chuckle from him while he inspects its contents with amused expectation.

He takes out the items inside, holding one of the t-shirts you bought for him. “Thanks. You shouldn't have gone out of your way for me.”

“Nonsense!” You grab the garment and smooth it over his front, giving a hum of approval. “The size is just like I thought! Now let's see your feet.” Taking the covers off of him, you grab the black trainers and put them on, satisfied when they fit perfectly. “Well, I won't have to go back and change these, lucky me. You know, I was thinking maybe we could go out for some fresh air later. It's stopped raining and the weather is perfect. What do you say?”

“I'd like that.” The corners of lips rise in a gentle smile and he sits up slowly, grunting with his efforts. 

“Jack, what's wrong?” You hurry to help him, hand on his back and another on his arm so he doesn't lose his balance. 

At the proximity of your bodies, he presses his mouth against yours and wraps an around your waist. Caught off guard, your eyes widen at the sensation of his lips but soon you give up, closing your eyes and kissing back. You cup his cheeks with your hands, sliding your tongue in his mouth and caressing its roof which causes him to part abruptly, snorting with laughter. He rests his forehead against your shoulder, laughing under his breath, and sighs with contentment as your fingers stroke his hair. 

It doesn't matter what happens from now. You'll make the most of the time you've got left with him, even if the aftermath hurts. Even if there's no chance for a future together, you'll hold onto him until the end.

Just for a little longer, you want to be happy.

********

That evening you bring Sunny to visit him. The child is on cloud nine when she sees him, and she's even more enthusiastic with the idea of taking Raiden to the courtyard of the hospital for a nice walk. At last he'll enjoy the light of the sun before sunset and breathe in some fresh air. He says he's tired of the sterile smell in his room and the doctor accedes to let him out for a while, now that Raiden's grown more accustomed to his body.

You help him change into one of his new t-shirts and slip his new footwear on his feet, before grooming his hair. As you take him to the courtyard in a wheelchair, Sunny happily skips ahead admiring the view of green grass and flowers all around. It's a pretty evening under the passing clouds, feeling the soft breeze against your face. His hair shines in the sunlight, blue eyes full of mirth while he regards the child with a subtle smile.

“It's amazing how fast kids grow,” he says as an afterthought. Humming in acknowledgment, you come to a stop near a bench and take a seat in front of him. “I still remember when she was a baby in my arms.”

“I remember, too, and I'm glad she's found happiness here. She's a really sweet girl and deserves the best. Her mother would have been so proud of her,” you say, endeared at the sight of Sunny observing some blue flowers with particular interest and affection in her tender eyes.

“Yes, she would have been, like I am.” Of course he is. Without her, the fall of SOP wouldn't have been possible. Thanks to her and Naomi's efforts the system was destroyed finally, without throwing the world into chaos. It's no small feat the one she accomplished, and she's made a big difference for the better. Chuckling, you watch as the little girl attempts to touch a flower but then retreats her hand, as if she's not sure whether she should do it. You wink at Raiden and get up, approaching Sunny just as she begins to turn back with a look of defeat. 

“You really like blue flowers, don't you?” She's taken aback by your comment but nods, casting her gaze to her feet with some embarrassment. “Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! I like them, too. I heard some say they stand for hope, like your hope for a better future.” Your hand caresses a pretty blossom and grasps its stem when Sunny tries to stop you, panicked that someone could scold you. “It's okay, sweetie, we'll just take one. It isn't going to hurt anyone. Here.” You carefully pluck it from the plant and put it behind her ear, stroking her short hair with gentleness. “A flower for another flower. It looks even prettier on you, doesn't it Jack?” You call for him and he nods, trying to hold back a grin. At the compliment, Sunny giggles and covers the blush on her cheeks with her small hands. “Now let's go with him. I've brought your favorite snacks. What do you say?”

She nods with a delightful hum and takes your hand, dragging you towards the blonde man waiting for you. When you near him there's a new strange feeling that fills your heart with peace and warmth. This feels like a real family— one you've longed to have. But as soon as you remember Rose, a sudden despondency overwhelms you and you know this is only an ilussion— a reminder of what you can't have, what's not yours for the taking. 

“Something wrong?” His hand is on your shoulder and his concerned eyes are fixed on your sad face, stopping your train of thought.

It hurts to lie but you have to smile, for him, so he doesn't know you're breaking on the inside. “I'm fine. Just a little tired.”

It hurts to pretend that everything's alright.

**********

The rest of the week passes uneventfully, and you're only hoping not to have the bad luck to have her appear when you're with him. It's wrong what you're doing, but you can't leave Raiden now of all times without an explanation of what's happened. It's wrong because part of you, deep down, hopes he'll fight for you, although you know it'll only make matters more difficult than they are. You wish to tell him, ask him what he truly wishes, but you fear you'll only be pressuring him into choosing between you and his family, and that's something you can't allow. Or maybe you're actually scared of what he'll decide.

You don't know what to do anymore and you're beginning to lose sleep. She's taking too long and you can't stand this anymore. Keeping him in the dark while you know the truth is too cruel. It's a betrayal to your feelings for him, to what he means to you. He has to know what happened, so you leave your hotel room and head to your destination, hoping to have the courage to tell him.

All the way to the hospital, you've been afflicted by this feeling of guilt and fear at what will happen. But the sooner this is solved, the better for everyone. You nearly stumble out of the taxi and pay in a hurry, heart racing as you rush to the building and to the information desk.

“He's got visit,” the woman says after a moment, and you frown in confusion. Did Otacon bring Sunny, or…? Without another word, you walk down the corridor and to his room, a feeling in your gut telling you that Rose is with him. And when you reach the door, carefully peeking inside the room through the narrow pane of glass, you confirm your suspicions at once. 

She's already there, in his arms with their son. Raiden is sitting on bed, the boy on one of his thighs, and her face is buried in the crook of his neck as he presses his cheek against hers. His eyes are closed, a smile on his lips, and he holds the woman and his child tight against him. They look like the perfect portrait of a family, and you know right then that you can never ask him to choose. 

With a heavy heart, you throw a last glance to him and turn around without a second thought, trying not to think too much on what you've lost. Despite your pain, this is the best you can do for him. He looks so happy, joyful as he's never been before, and while you can't be part of his life any longer, at least he doesn't have to suffer anymore. It surprises you how quick acceptance comes to you, even when the wound bleeds. You and he have been through so much together that it would be unfair for you to judge him, to resent him.

You walk away, with a bittersweet smile on your lips. He deserves the best, and maybe she's the one who can give it to him. He needs a gentle hand to guide him from now on— one that's not tainted by death and blood like yours. What can you offer when you have nothing to give, only the scars of the past and the promise of a warm shoulder to lean on if he needed to cry. It all has been just an illusion, a dream you had desperately tried to hold onto and, for a while, it had provided comfort and warmth, but it's time to wake up to the real world.

Now you know what you must do. You have to get away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we ended on another sad note :l it couldn't be helped.
> 
> So, I think next chapter is going to be the end of this fic ;A; I promise I'll try not to rip everyone's heart, like I seem to be doing right now D: 
> 
> Again, I'm sorry for the outcome but I can't break the canon ;A; I mean, I could but I don't feel comfortable with it and the story was meant to have some tragedy elements. Either way, thanks to everyone who has stayed until now c: it means a lot to me.


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, at long last! It's been a long journey but it's finally reached its end. Sorry I took so long, but I got my new gaming rig and, well, you know what happens when you get new games you've wanted to play for months. I think it's self-explanatory xD anyways, without further ado, on with the story.
> 
> **EDIT:** I think I found a song for the ending, so if you're interested in listening to it you can do it [[HERE]](http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=KjDfo2I73TE). It's Utsuro Na Kaze No Haru Hi (A Hollow Wind Blowing), a song by Meiko Kaji, and I'm not sure 100% what the lyrics say but to my understanding it's a song about goodbye but... I could be wrong. I would appreciate if someone could shed some light on this matter. If someone knows Japanese, here are the lyrics:
> 
> 夕暮れが来て　ねむる砂浜  
> うつろな風が　肌をいじめて
> 
> どこにも行きばのない  
> わたしの気持を  
> なおさら苦しくさせる
> 
> 私が生きてきた　長い道  
> ほほえむことさえ　数少なくて  
> ムムム……………
> 
> 夕暮れが来て　ねむる砂浜  
> うつろな風が　肌をいじめて
> 
> 「何故黙って出てきてしまったのかって？  
> あんな風に云われて私に何が云える？　　  
> 貴方の気持が離れたのなら黙って消えるし  
> かないわ！！だって、そうでしょう！！―  
> 今は感覚がなくなってしまったまだ涙も出  
> ないの。息苦しいわ……でも大丈夫、心配  
> しないで――いつも別れがそこにあったの  
> ね……もっと必至でいなければいけなかっ  
> たのね。でも愛していたわ！！　そう！！  
> そう愛していたわ！！――　　　　　　　  
> 女って素敵な恋をすると、それしか考えな  
> いの。でも、男と女って、もっと自由でも  
> いいのね。私は今自由なの。何でも出来る  
> わ！今までは本当に生きていなかったのね。  
> でも、これからは一人で歩いていけるよう  
> な気がする
> 
> ******************************  
>  **Warnings:**
> 
> Unbetaed work. English is not my native language. Drama.

* * *

This isn't what you wanted but it's the only way. You'll only hurt him more if you stay, and by then it will be more difficult to let go. Still, you give him some time before you approach. This is going to be tough, but there's no other choice and it's better to end this soon rather than keep delaying the inevitable. It's for the best, you remind yourself after much throughout sleepless nights. It'll be a cruel thing for you to do, you know it, and you'll try to be swift so your determination won't falter at the last minute.

When you arrive, you realize that Rose has come to visit him again, which isn't a surprise for you. Thankfully she's on her way out with John so you don't have to come across her and endure the awkwardness of the moment. John holds her hand as she leads him out, talking about his father with joy and enthusiasm in his cute face, which brings a smile to your face. At the sight of the kid, your breath catches in your throat and you feel wonder at how much he and Raiden look alike.

He must be so happy with his son. 

Quickly, you try to blend in with the people, not wishing for her to see you. Your presences goes unnoticed, to your relief, as you take a seat in the waiting room and cross your arms, looking to the floor to hide your face. Rose walks past you, oblivious to your presence since the boy has her occupied enough and, as she leaves, you decide to give Raiden some time to settle down his emotions. It's all too soon for this but, at least, it will give him an excuse to find shelter in his family which, undoubtedly, will receive him with open arms. 

Still, the prospect of doing this isn't something you're actually looking forward to. So many doubts cross your mind that you probably remain on that seat longer than expected. All around you, people bustle about in their daily lives and you fade in the background, a face unknown in a foreign land. It's hard to tell for how long you remain there, looking into the distance as the image of the man you love, and Rose with their son, keeps haunting your thoughts. An hour? A day? An entire life?

You're scared but you try not to let your fears take over you. When you reach his room, you knock on the door and see his eyes widen in surprise for a moment, taken aback at the sight of you. It's evident he's apprehensive at your reaction, at what you'll say when you find out about Rose and John. What he doesn't know is that you already know. Smiling sadly at him, you grab the chair and drag it closer to his bed, sitting down and looking into his eyes that speak of guilt and concern.

“Hey there,” you greet a bit too quiet and demure. For a moment, it feels as if the walls of this room will collapse on you, and you can't breathe when the weight of what you're about to do begins to sink in your mind. 

“Hi,” he whispers weakly, eyes fixed on you as he lies in bed. Doubt and remorse swirl in his gaze but you try to brush the whole affair aside, pretending nothing's happened even when your heart is falling to pieces. Scratching your nape, a nervous laugh escapes your mouth and you stare down, to the package resting on your lap.

“Here, I bought this for you.” You pass it to him, and he slowly extends his arm towards you, fingers gripping the item before he starts ripping the paper off. Raiden's awfully silent, you notice, and you surmise he doesn't know what to do— what to say now that the truth has been laid out in front of him at long last.

When your gift is out of its wrap, he stares at it long and hard and then smiles with fondness and sincerity. It's a book you've bought for him not long ago— The Life-Giving Sword, teachings of one of the most notables swordsmen in the history of Japan, Yagyu Munenori. Even after many years, Raiden still holds that deep fascination for the samurai and the bushido code, and he seems to know everything there is to it. It's something understandable in his situation. Somehow, it gave him something to believe in when everything else had been taken away— something that brought him a sense of peace and purpose. It was a haven that kept the demons at bay, when he couldn't find a reason to live. [1]

“I… how did you—?”

“You lost your copy, didn't you?"

“Yea, in the Carpathian mountains during the raid,” he adds with a slight furrow of his brow. 

“Well, now you got a new one. I know it's your favorite book so I thought I'd get one for you.”

“Thank you.” He places it beside him and clasps his hands over his stomach, expectant of your actions and words. There's an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, and you desperately look for the right words not wanting to bring up the subject so out of the blue. Then again, you know it's not going to be easy when it comes to him and you need to gather the courage to tell him. Finally, when you're about to open your mouth he speaks. “(Name)… I have something to tell you but I don't know where to begin…”

Biting your lower lip, you give him an anxious look and clear your throat. “Actually I need to tell you something, too.”

At this, Raiden blinks with surprise but quickly recovers his cool and nods. “Alright, so… you go first.”

This is more difficult than you expected and you take a deep breath, looking at your hands resting on your thighs. “The truth is, I don't know where to begin either but I'll just say that I already know what you're going to tell me, Jack." You notice bewilderment settle on his features and his mouth opens in surprise. "I know about your son.”

“You do?” He's confused and panicked, that much you can tell. You lick your lips and nod slowly, unable to meet his eyes. “How—?”

“Rosemary told me.” There's no point in hiding that from him anymore. A long silence follows and when you finally look at him, there's shame and regret written all over his face.

“I'm sorry…” He manages to get the words out, voice wavering with remorse. “That's… why you disappeared for days?”

“Jack, why do you apologize? You've done nothing wrong. There's nothing to forgive. In truth… I'm happy for you.” You ignore his attempts at trying to deal with the matter by throwing nice words at him, so he wouldn't feel at fault for what happened. This is difficult as it is, and you don't want to create unnecessary drama at this point. “John's a cute kid. He looks a lot like you.”

Ever so slightly a smile appears on his lips at the mention of his son but it disappears in a heartbeat. Much like you, he's struggling with his feelings unable to reach conciliation and he'll never be able to so long as you remain in his life. That's the saddest part.

“(Name), I… wanted to see you. I needed to talk about us, about—”

“I just came to say goodbye.” As straightforward as your approach is, it's the only way he'll understand— the only way for him to know that you're serious about this and that you won't change your mind. This is for the best and, as much as it hurts, you know it won't be the end of the world. You know that life will go on for you and him.

He's astonished at your decision, eyes wide in disbelief. “What?”

“I have… pending matters to attend to. Something I should have done a long time ago.”

“And what's that?” He inquires, alarm and distress noticeable in his voice whilst his brow furrows in confusion.

“I should have looked for my family, or what's left of it anyway,” you finally admit, although unable to convince yourself that the reason you're truly leaving has nothing to do with the intentions you declare. “I never had the courage to do it before because... I was scared of what they'd think of me.” Scared that they'd see a monster, a disgrace. Well, you can try and set those fears aside but you still know you're only making excuses. At any rate, it doesn't matter what your true reasons are so long as you leave. “I'm going back to Bosnia.”

“To Bosnia? When will you be back?”

It's hard to say. You're not planning to do it any time soon, but you don't give him an answer— not a direct one at least. Instead you get up from your chair and lean onto him, kissing his forehead with all the affection you can muster for a last time. Holding his face in your hands, you smile for him— smile brighter than you ever have in your life so he won't see how much it hurts.

“It's time you start living your life, Jack,” you whisper gently, brushing the tip of your fingers against his cheek. You want to commit every feature of his face to your memory, keep him in your memory and heart forever even if you have to say goodbye today. “I want you to be happy, let go of the past and move on. Promise me you'll be a good father and husband. Don't let that kid down, or I swear I'll come back to kick your ass so you do the right thing.” You start to laugh nervously, heart sinking when he grips your hand with a desperate look in his eyes. “This is the happy ending you deserve. Don't feel guilt. It's okay.”

“(Name)...” His voice is cracking, fingers tightening around your wrist. You start doubting, as you've feared, and you know you have to leave soon before it's too late— before you hurt him more than you already have.

“You'll be fine with Rose. You're not alone anymore and she offers a new start for you,” things you can never give him— a family, a life away from the demons of the past that will always chase after you. 

“No, I—”

“Don't worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. I just wanted to see you one more time before I leave. Maybe our paths will cross once again. I'm looking forward to that day. Until then, my friend.” 

His grip tightens and you place your hand on top of his, squeezing gently to assure everything will be alright, before prying his fingers open and loosing his hold. It breaks your heart seeing the expression of anguish on his face, but in time he'll heal and he'll understand. 

He'll go on and so will you, like you always do.

Feeling the knot in your throat, you walk to the door with heavy steps. Your hand lingers on the knob for a moment, and you hesitate when you hear him call your name in a strenuous whisper. It takes all your might not to run to him and wrap your arms around him, and you recall that you have no right to him anymore. From the moment you decided to part ways with him, you gave up on your feelings and there's no turning back. While you want to look at him for a last time, you fear that won't be able to leave.

You fear to see what you're truly leaving behind.

**********

As you exit the building, you grab your aviator sunglasses hanging from the neck of your white t-shirt and put them on, a small smile playing on your lips even when the tears are close to falling down. Slinging your denim jacket over your shoulder in a swift movement, you allow your gaze sweep over the orange sky above at sunset. The wind gently caresses your face and hair, a small solace in a moment filled with loneliness and regret.

Who knew love could hurt like this. Other men you've met before have never hold your heart in their hands, but Raiden... he's the one who did— your first and perhaps greatest love. His memory leaves a mark in your soul that won't fade so easily, and maybe one day you'll look back without the pain of what could have been. Maybe there will come one day you'll love again, but you'll never feel like this for anybody else.

One things is certain, and you'll never meet a man like him again.

You don’t have time to dwell on those thoughts, for you hear a voice call your name in the distance. Frowning, you search amid the crowd for the source and find one of your former colleagues, waving a hand at you from a cruiser motorbike.

You can barely believe what you're seeing and your hand flies to your mouth to muffle a gasp of surprise. You recognize that face and your heart skips a beat at the sight, whilst the woman gives you a playful smile. Once you approach her with hurried steps, you can't hold back anymore and attack her with a tight hug, heart beating so fast it feels it'll burst.

“Tifa, I thought… I thought you—” It's difficult for you to speak, as you bury your face on her shoulder and feel her arms wrap around you. The knot in your throat returns but this time you feel relief and happiness, knowing that your friend is alive. “You're back!”

“It'll take more than that to get rid of me, you know it.” She smiles and you hold her face between your hands, unable to hold back your tears this time. “Hey, now, don't get all sentimental on me. You've really gone soft during all this time I was away, haven't you?”

At this, you laugh wholeheartedly and wipe your cheeks with a hand. “Sorry about that. I'm just so happy to see you! But tell me, what happened? How did you survive? I thought Liquid destroyed the vessel. We saw it in flames when we got there.”

“We left before he got to us. I'm sorry, but we had no choice and we couldn't let him get his hands on Big Boss. That's what EVA told us to do if worse came to worst, to protect him no matter the cost. We fooled Liquid with Solidus to ensure the control of the system wasn't his, but I'm afraid we failed.” She looks away with guilt in her gray eyes, pursing her lips and taking a deep breath. “We didn't expect for Solidus to be a perfect clone of Big Boss. It was our fault that Liquid nearly sent the world to hell.”

Squeezing her shoulder, you shake your head with a frown. “You did everything you could. Don't blame yourself because of that. There was no way you could have known.” Tifa nods, and smiles sadly looking at her hands on her lap. “So, with the system gone, he woke up? Where is he now?”

“He left. He said he had... unfinished business with someone. There wasn't much we could do to stop him, you know?”

“I see. And what about EVA?”

“We found her and gave her a proper burial. She'll rest in peace now, along with our brothers and sisters. I only wish she would have lived to see this world free from the clutches of the Patriots.” 

Her expression is of sadness and you cup her cheek with your hand. “I'm sure she would have been proud of all of us.”

Tifa is silent for a few moments but then she nods, her head high as she chuckles. "I hope she is.”

"Now, I have to ask." With a hand on your hip, you give her an inquisitive but amused look. “Who told you how to find me?”

Your friend rolls her eyes and sighs. “First, let me tell you looking for you was a pain in my ass. And to answer your question, I'll just say that I met this strange guy with a knack for anime.”

“I should have guessed as much.” You chuckle, shaking your head. “How long are you staying, by the way?”

“Actually, I need to go back soon. The reason why I came here is because the guys sent me for you. Our organization is a mess and no one knows what the hell to do anymore. After EVA's death, we've all been staring at our fucking faces with no idea of how to go on.”

“So, why do they need me for?” Your brow furrows in confusion.

“Are you kidding me? You know better than us how things work. They want you in charge of the PLA.”

“Look, I appreciate that they turn to me for guidance but I'm done with that kind of life.” It's something you've already decided and you don't intend to go back on your word.

“Oh, come on!” She grabs your shoulders and shakes you lightly. “You can't be serious.”

“The organization was formed for a sole purpose that we already fulfilled. It's over. I want to take back my life, the life I couldn't live for twenty years. I want to be an average woman, I want to get a normal job and spend my afternoons watching TV and eating all the food in my fridge. I want to buy an apartment, I want to have my own car, a pet. I want to start anew."

She gives you a look of sympathy, her face full of disappointment. “At least tell me you'll think about it.”

“I can't make a promise I know I won't keep.”

“What will you and Raiden do, then?”

“Me? I'm going back to Bosnia. I need to know if I have relatives alive. I hope it's not too late. As for Jack… he doesn't need me anymore.”

Her eyes squint in suspicion and disbelief at your words and the grief you try so hard to hide from her. “What are you talking about? Did he do something—?”

“It wasn't him,” you mumble, jaw tightening at the memory of Raiden's pleading gaze when you said goodbye. “It was me. At any rate, it doesn't matter anymore. He'll be fine, I know it, and I'll leave this place soon. The problem is how I'll get to Bosnia, seeing as I don't have any papers.”

She doesn't attempt to get more answers for you, simply nods in understanding, and you're grateful for that. “Well, you can thank me now because I got your papers, so it shouldn't be a problem. Luckily, I found them in the old church.”

“I wonder what would I do without you?” This is good news. Soon, you'll be away from here and pursue a new horizon.

“Now the question is how will you subsist? That guy told me that you've used your savings to help pay for Raiden's surgery and new body.”

“Ah, well. Either way, I'll find something. Don't worry about me, I've had it worse.”

After a moment's thought, she kick starts the motorbike and winks at you with a mischievous half-smile. “Leave it to me to rescue the princess. Screw it, I'm coming with you.”

You arch an eyebrow, a bit bewildered at her decision but, then again, you suppose you should have seen it coming. “Are you for real?”

“Come on! I'm not going to leave you alone, okay? And don't you tell me that you don't need my help because, hell, I know that you do. Besides, I kind of was waiting for an excuse to get out of the PLA, too, and you're the perfect one.”

“You're unbelievable, you knew that?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hop on already, woman!” She urges you and you laugh, getting on the back before slipping your jacket on. The motor of the motorbike rumbles as she warms it up, and she throws a glance over her shoulder at you, a smug look crossing her eyes. “Ready to get wild?” You nod, sliding your arms around her waist. “Hold on tight. Here we go!”

As the sun sets and night falls on Baltimore, you watch the city lights shine. Resting your cheek against your friend's back, you can't help but feel grateful that she's come for you when she did. Here, at the end of things, you finally realize that you're not alone. You never were.

And it gives you hope.

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] In Metal Gear Rising, Raiden mentions (in an optional codec conversation) that he picked up his sword-of-justice philosophy mostly from master Munenori Yagyu.
> 
> *********************************
> 
> So, yes, kind of a… bittersweet ending if you consider Reader didn’t end up with Raiden. The reason why I decided he should stay with Rose is because of the canon and because I didn’t think it would be right if Reader tried to keep him apart from his son. She knew that the kid should grow up with a family (a family she and Raiden didn’t have) and she didn’t want to be the cause John would be away from his father. 
> 
> Also, I didn’t want the Reader crying because Raiden isn’t with her anymore so I had her ~~eloping~~ riding away to the sunset with her friend. I just didn’t want people to think that happy endings only happen when the protagonist gets their love interest. I know it didn’t do much to satisfy the readers, but this is what I had planned from the very beginning. I’m so sorry but it’s the only ending I could fit in the story of the game without having Raiden acting totally OOC and leaving him to chose over his son and Reader. That wouldn’t have been fair.
> 
> Concerning the alternative ending, I’ll write it but please don’t ask me when I’ll post it. I have another pending project to go back to so it’s probably gonna take me some time. Hope you can understand.
> 
> And we’ve finally reached the end. Wow, I can’t believe it. This has been an amazing journey for me and I’m happy all of you have tagged along. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough for all the enthusiasm and support. Each one of you readers hold a special place in my heart, and you’ve made all this possible. A special mention for two people that have motivated me a great deal to keep writing this story until the end: without these people, I would have never gotten around and finish this project. Thanks a lot for the constant support and interest. For Lulu, who has been with me since the conception of this fic helping, reading my drafts, and bearing with me and my fangirl side for Raiden. She’s a real godsend, always ready to help and listen. For Shion, who has been a diligent reader and reviewer, always sharing her ideas and thoughts with me. Your flood of comments always made my day and renewed my motivation and energy… and also spoiled me xD I think it’s the first time someone does that for me and I appreciate your dedication.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the love! Thanks for listening to my voice and giving me a chance! Until next time.
> 
> P.S.: If you like Mortal Kombat and Sub-Zero, please read my story The Keeper of Flame and the Master of Ice :D
> 
> If you want to read more Raiden fics, check out my new story Heart of the Beast, an AU with Japanese mythology.


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